I Only Know How To Love

11: Cashmere

On Friday night, I had the most amazing time of my life. I never thought that I would feel that way again. The feeling of another person being there to be a shoulder to cry on aside from your own parents, I love that feeling. I know I shouldn't be jinxing it, but is Ben the one who I've been looking for? I do love him. What is love? If you search it up you get the definition of love saying: An intense feeling of deep affection, or a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone. If I were to define love, it would be a deep, strong and intense feeling for someone you truly connect with. He gives me another reason to go to school. I don't think about Jack anymore, because if there's one thing I know, it's that love empowers everything, especially hatred. Love gives us a reason to live, and I feel like I am now a part of something special, knowing that I gave Ben a reason to live.

I head in to my locker as Snow comes up to me. "Hey Snow," I tell her in a cheery voice. "How was your date Friday night?" She asked. I had forgotten that I had mentioned it to her. "It was all right, and it wasn't exactly a date," I try to tell her without blushing. "Oh please, we both know it was a date. He likes you, and I can tell. Did you guys kiss?" She asked. She finally caught me. I was now blushing like a freak. "Okay, fine. You caught me." I tell her. She was now excited. "I knew it. It was so a date. So, when are you guys having sex? I assume you want to lose your virginity to him," she tells me. Then it hit me. I forgot to tell Snow about the assault. "To be honest, I've already lost it." I tell her. She was now shocked. "The two of you have already had sex?" She exclaimed. I tried calming her by saying, "No. It's not that. It was forced away." "Wait, what are you saying?" Snow asked, with a worried tone in her voice. I had let out a quiet, "I was raped." "What?" Snow asked, raising her voice. "I know." I tell her, trying to get her to lower her voice again. "Please tell me that Ben knows," she told me. "He does." I tell her. "Oh thank goodness." She exclaimed with a relieved voice. "But he doesn't know about what happened 10 years ago," I tell her. "The daycare incident?" She asked. "Yeah, it's best I don't tell him, because I don't know whom I can trust with it," I tell her. I've only told Snow about it. "You can trust me with it," she reminded me. "I know, it's just that other people have used it against me. Jack especially. He used it against me sexually," I told her, feeling like I keep on constantly reminding her why. "Jack? He's the one who raped you?" She exclaimed.

"Yes." I told her. I had finally gotten it all out. "You need to tell someone." She tells me as if I haven't told anyone yet. "I told my parents. I'm waiting to see what the school does about it," I tell her. "Okay, I'll let you know if I hear anything," she told me as Principal Webber came up to me. "Cashmere?" He asked me. "Yes Principal Webber?" I asked him. "I want to talk to you about the assault that happened last Friday," he started. "It happened then?" Snow asked, rather startled. "Can you come with me to my office?" Principal Webber asked.

"Yeah I can. Look Snow, you were sick that day. That's why I didn't tell you. I'm going to go here," I tell Snow before I head off with Principal Webber. We headed to his office. "What is it?" I ask as soon as we're both sitting down in chairs. "You're not going to like it," he tells me. I can take whatever he tells me. "What is the school going to do about the assault?" I ask, hoping that he could shed some light on the topic. "They're waiting to figure out if it actually happened." He tells me. I was dreading that to be the answer. I never thought that was going to be the answer. "I don't understand. It did." I tried explaining to him.

"Apparently it's your word against his." He tells me. I never thought of that. Or even pressing charges against Jack. "Does that mean I have to press charges?" I ask him, trying to get the words out. "Yes. And you have to go against him in court," he tells me. I sigh and tell him, "You know how I feel about being in a courtroom." "I know. I'll do what I can to stall the process." He tells me. I really hope he does something.

"Wait a second. I might know a way of how to make sure that Jack gets what he deserves," I tell him. "What is it? Cause it better be good and legal," he asks, reminding me that we can't do anything that's against the law. "It's good, but I don't know about it being legal cause we'd be tampering with evidence," I tell him. He took about a minute before he sighed and told me, "Okay. Speak away." "The cameras. There are cameras around the school. When Jack had taken me to the bathroom to assault me, I remember seeing a camera in the area. It might be able to pick it up." I told him. It's an idea. If it works, I wouldn't have to go to court. "I like the idea, but I'll have to figure out how to get away with it. This way you don't have to go to court." He tells me. "And Jack gets what he deserves," I commented. "We'd be killing two birds with one stone," he tells me. "Literally and figuratively," I added on. "I'll look into it. I'll let you know when I find something. You better get to class." He tells me before I head out of his office.