I Only Know How To Love

15: Jason

Sitting in the library, I try to finish my homework before the afternoon. "Jason?" I hear Cashmere ask as she comes up to me. "Yes?" I ask. "Snow told me of what might happen," she tells me. Okay, so Cashmere now knows that I am in charge of whether she lives or dies. "Okay. So?" I ask. "Please don't go through with it. Jack's right. I deserve to die," she tells me. "Jack isn't right. You deserve to live, not me," I tell her. I hope that Cashmere will at least understand where I'm coming from with this. "I don't understand," she tells me. "Think of it as a sacrifice. For all those who have lived with pain," I tell her, trying to make it more obvious for my real reason for being here. "Okay?" She asks. "Jack's around here. If he sees you talking to me he'll know something's up." I told her. "Okay," she tells me in a sad tone. "I'll see you later," I told her before she left the library.

"What were you two talking about?" Jack had asked once he was over at where I was. "She just needed help with an upcoming project," I tell him, hoping that he'll buy the lie. "You two are friends?" He asks, with his voice lowering. "Yeah we are. You got a problem with that?" I ask him, talking back. "Yeah I do. I was going to come to you for help, but I guess I don't need it," Jack had told me. As he tried to head out, I grabbed onto his arm and held him. "Just know this: before the school bell rings at the end of the day, you will betray me three times," I tell him. "Like I give a damn," he tells me, freeing his arm from my hand. That was the first.

I headed to class for the next block. I was in Social Studies along with Jack, and I normally sat beside him. When Jack had excused himself to go to the bathroom, I had excused myself soon after. Outside of my class, I saw that Jack had grabbed onto Cashmere. He was taking her to the bathroom. Once I had heard sounds of struggling coming from Cashmere, I headed in there. I needed to stop Jack. "GO!" I told him once I had gotten him off of her. "Really?" he asked. He can't just get away with this. "YES!" I yell in his face. This was the second time. "I'll see you in class," I tell him, lowering my voice. "We'll see about that," he tells me before heading off.

Cashmere was still on the ground, traumatized from witnessing me talking to Jack. "You didn't have to do that," she told me once I had helped her up. "He's never going to learn his lesson if he keeps on doing this to you. I hope he realizes the mistakes he's making," I tell her in a gentle voice. "Thank you. You don't deserve to die," she tells me. This is not just a sacrifice for Cashmere. This is a sacrifice for all those who have lived with pain. "I do," I tell her. "Don't tell me it's to save me and others who have lived with pain. Just don't go through with this." She tells me. I don't know why she thinks that she needs to die. "I have no choice. The big man upstairs is calling me home, and I need to listen to him," I tell her, hoping that will help her stop begging me. "Okay. If that's what's happening, then I have to respect that. And you should know that I'm pregnant with Jack's kid," she tells me. I felt like I already knew about the pregnancy.

"Is it okay if I?" I ask her. "Yeah sure," she tells me. I kneeled down, and she picked up her shirt. Kissing the area where the baby was, I told the baby, "You will come to fix this world while I'm gone." "Thanks?" Cashmere had asked when I stood up. "I better head off to class and deal with Jack now," I tell her. "Okay," Cashmere had said after a long sigh. "You'll be fine," I tell her in a gentle voice. "Just please reconsider this," she tells me. "Okay," I tell her before I head off to class. There's no reconsideration about this. I'm going through with this.

"Here to gloat?" Jack had asked once I had sat down beside him in class. "No, I'm here to help," I tell him. "I thought you said that I'm the one who was to betray you," he tells me. He still is the one who is to betray me; he's already done it twice. I just need to keep an eye on him so that he doesn't do anything stupid until the next block. "Well I am here to help you now," I tell him. "Okay. Wait for me next block. We'll have to be active the whole block if we want to catch her," he tells me. I kind of already knew. "Okay," I tell him.

At the next block, we waited outside of Cashmere's ELA class. "I have eyes on her," I told Jack once Cashmere was there. She came from the bathroom. Cashmere was now running down the hall, and we needed to catch up to her. "Why are you doing this?" Cashmere had asked, trying to grasp for air, once Jack had caught up to her and had her against a locker. His hand was against her neck. "You don't belong here, when will you ever learn that?" He asked her. "Jack, why are you doing this?" I ask him. "You're questioning me now? Come on, hand me my knife," he told me. I had no choice but to hand it over. It was now all up to me to stop this.

"Please don't do this," Cashmere had told Jack through her tears. "Don't worry, just look at me and this will all be over soon," Jack had told Cashmere. He had made her stomach the target where he would stab her. While his hand was in motion I pulled him over to me as fast as I could. Feeling the sharp pain of the knife, I fell to my side, covering the wound. As Cashmere came to my side, Jack had stepped back. I was still awake. "Do you realize what you've done?" I hear Cashmere telling Jack. I could tell he was in shock from stabbing his friend. "Cashmere, please," I hear him begging her. Vision starts to go. "No. You don't get to get away with this. Not this time," I hear her telling him.

"Cashmere?" I asked her once I had got my vision back. "Save your breath. We're going to get you help," She tells me. I don't need help. "Cashmere?" I ask again. "What is it?" She asks through the tears that were falling on me. "I took the deal, your life over mine," I tell her. "Jason, please stay with me," she told me. My vision went again. All I could hear was Cashmere yelling out, "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP! ANYBODY!" Hearing the knife being dropped, Jack had run as Robertson Forge had stepped into the scene. "Cashmere?" I hear him asking. "I need help. He's dying," she tells him. 15 seconds later, I hear Constable Amick asking Cashmere, "What happened here?" "I was cornered, his friend had meant to stab me, but instead he pulled him aside, forcing his friend to stab him. He's lost a lot of blood, he needs to go to the hospital," Cashmere tells him. I don't need to go to a hospital, I just need to die.

"I know. Do you know if the person who did this is still inside of the school?" Constable Amick had asked her. "Probably is," she tells him. "I'll get Principal Webber to call the school on lockdown. We'll get him to the hospital," Constable Amick tells her. "Okay," Cashmere had said. "Cashmere, I will see you again," I told her once my vision came back. "We're going to get you to a hospital. Stay with me,"she says. Cashmere still doesn't understand that I just need to be allowed to die.

"Get the school on lockdown," I hear Constable Amick on his phone. "Get an ambulance to the school," he says into his mic after hanging up. Not more than 5 seconds later, I hear Principal Webber saying, "This is a lockdown. This is a lockdown. This is a lockdown," over the P.A system. It was on a constant loop. "I'm getting him an ambulance. Don't worry, you can come with us. Plus we need you with us so you can identify the person who did this," Constable Amick tells, unaware that Cashmere is unconscious. Once an ambulance was at the school, they got one for me. "Do you know who did this?" Constable Amick tries asking Cashmere, still unaware of her current state. "Constable Amick," I tell him, trying to get his attention. "Save your breath son. We're going to get you to the hospital. Where's Cashmere?" He asks. "Cashmere," I tell him, pointing to where she is. "Someone get her a stretcher!" I hear Constable Amick say loudly as my vision went for the last time.

Why is it that people try to get back at others? There are people that just don't make any sense. We have enemies, frenemies, haters, ex-lovers, exes, why can't we just cut the crap and respect everyone? Can't people learn to forgive? I never wanted my life to end this way, but I deserve this. Cashmere already has a hard life, and I have a life that everyone wants. I sacrificed my life for Cashmere. It wasn't to stop Jack from killing her, but it was because she deserves a chance to live. I just hope that Jack will eventually see that this world is wide enough for both of them. The world is always wide enough for everyone. Life is hard, I get it. I really do. But why do we think so much about it before it flashes in front of our eyes and we're just gone?

How many more times...

Are we going to live like this?

...