I Only Know How To Love

9: Cashmere

It finally happened. Jack raped me. I always thought he would do it, I just didn't know that it would happen on the day that I would have a date in the evening. Man, Jack is such a shit-head; he clearly doesn't know of all the pain that he is inflicting on me. It's like we are complete opposites. I'm depressed, he is always happy. I have basically no friends, and he is friends with everyone. He claims that he gets along with everyone, but I know it's not true. I can't get through the rest of the day without breaking down crying, but I headed to band class anyway. I see Mr. Jazler and Mr. Hudson there. "What's going on here?" I ask. "I'm feeling quite sick, so I'm heading home. I just needed to show Mr. Hudson where everything is. He's subbing for you guys today." Mr. Jazler tells me before he heads off, and I go into the band room to put away my stuff in the spot I sit in. Logan, Noah, and Charlene are still at the police station in their own jail cells. Band class flashed by before my eyes, and before I knew it, I had to face Jack again. I wanted to punch him in the face, but I knew not to.

"How are you feeling Cashmere?" Eleanor asks me. She goes in for a hug, but I back away so she doesn't touch me. I don't want anyone to touch me anymore. Jack violated me, and I deserve justice. "Cashmere? Is everything all right?" I hear Mrs. Dan ask me, coming closer to me. "Don't touch me", I tell her, backing away. "Did something happen that I need to know of?" She asks me, as Jack comes over to her. "Yeah Cashmere, has something happened that we all need to know about?" Jack asked in a sarcastic voice. "You're not telling a soul, or I will hurt you again myself", Jack whispers into my ear before I run out of there to the bathroom, crying. I lock myself in the bathroom stall where the assault happened, and the tears fall out of my eyes. I sit down, covering my face with my hand as I hear someone's voice.

"Is everything okay?" I'd recognize the voices anywhere. It was Alexa. She was with Allison and Anika. "Alexa?" I ask. "Allison and Anika are here as well. Can you open the stall door? We're worried about you". She tells me. I open the stall door and go back to sitting down. "Jack had told us of what happened this morning." Allison tells me as they sit down in front of me. "He told us that you had sex. What happened in your perspective?" Anika asked me. She was the only one standing. "Anika, you might want to sit down. It's pretty bad. Whatever I say, believe me. He might not have said what really happened." I told them as Anika sat down. "Jack had come up to me angrily, forced me in here, in this very stall, and forced my clothes off. He raped me", I tell them through the never-ending tears. "Why would he do that to you?" Anika asked me. "I don't know. You saw him, right?" I asked her. "Yeah I did. He seemed to be pretty mad", she tells me. "We're here to help you. We believe you." Allison tells me as she reaches for my hand. "Are you going to tell Mrs. Dan?" Alexa asks me. "I can't. If Jack sees me talking to anyone, he says that he would hurt me again", I tell them.

"We'll tell her", Anika tells me. "You would do that for me?" I ask her. "Of course we would. Anything to protect you." Alexa tells me. "Just don't tell Jack that I told you", I tell them. "We won't say anything. Just stay safe." Allison tells me before they head off back to the dance studio, giving me a minute to myself. I look into the mirror at the sink, and start crying again. Punching the mirror, shards of glass came down into the sink and my hand was bleeding. I finally headed back to the dance studio, ready to face my enemy. Heading in, I see Anika, Allison, and Alexa talking to Mrs. Dan. Jack notices me as Mrs. Dan calls for me. I head over. "Are you okay?" She asks. "I'm not quite sure. The incident happened this morning," I told her. "This morning? I was in the bathroom." Mrs. Dan tells me. "I had heard noises of moaning and someone being held. I didn't know that was you," she finished. "Hey Jack! Where were you this morning, cause I was in the bathroom when I heard some weird noises," she yelled at him. He looked over at me as I headed over to grab my stuff. I couldn't be in the dance studio any longer. Instead, I hung out in student services where I had seen Steven and Chris.

"What are you doing here?" Steven asks me. "I can't be in the dance studio today. Something happened this morning." I tell him. "What happened?" Chris asked. "I was raped." I tell her. "Wait, what?" Steven exclaimed. "Who did this to you?" Steven asked, standing up. "No one you know." I tell him. "And sit down, there's nothing you can do about it. What's done is done." I tell him before he sits down. "At least tell me that you're pressing charges," Steven suggests. "I don't know if I have to. Hopefully I can just get this done with and move on." I tell them. "You don't just move on from something like that. Rape affects both the victim and the person who acts on it. You could be pregnant for all we know." Chris tells me. "Yeah like you know everything about rape," I tell her. "You're talking to a prime example here. My mom was raped when she had me. I don't know who my birth father is." Chris tells me. "Really? I feel so sorry for you." I tell her. "Don't be. I'm just saying that it's possible." Chris tells me. "Well, thanks. You're the kind of person I need now." I tell her. "Don't worry about it. I'm here for support. My mom was 16 when she had me." Chris tells me. "So your mom is 32?" I ask her. "Yeah she is. And she told me that she would've regretted it big time if she had gotten an abortion. She loves me no matter what. Yes, I am a rape child. I know that sounds wrong, but it's the truth, and I shouldn't be afraid of that. So what I do? I help those who are raped. You're not the first one here at St. Christina's." She finished. "Chris, can we hang out at lunch?" I ask her. "Sure", she replies. "Mind if I join?" Steven asked. "I wouldn't," I tell him. I hang out with Steven and Chris for the rest of the block, and then at lunch. Snow was sick, and wasn't in for the day. At the end of the day, I headed home to tell my parents what happened.

I didn't say anything until after dinner. I was cleaning up dishes with Jasmine in the kitchen when James came into the scene. "How was your day?" He asked Jasmine. "Tiring. I was so close to quitting this afternoon," she told him. "But you like your job, don't you?" I asked her. "Yeah that is true," she commented. "How was your day Cashmere?" James asked me. I decided that now was the time I would tell them. "It was bad," I started off. "What happened?" James asked, in a concerned tone. "You know of the Strapples, right?" I asked them, trying to prevent the waterworks from coming out too soon. "Yeah we do," Jasmine told me. "Did something happen at school today that we should know about?" James asked. It was now time for me to confess. "Jack, he forced himself on me," I started, my voice starting to shake. "What did he do to you?" Jasmine asked. I could tell that they were now worried. "He confronted me, claiming that I ruined his life by me being here. He took me to the bathroom when no one was looking, and forced me inside of a bathroom stall. Jack, he raped me," I finally confessed. I was now crying, and Jasmine and James were hugging me. "Why would someone try to hurt you?" Jasmine asked me, trying to hold back the tears.

"Because he thinks I don't deserve to be here, and I don't know how much longer I can go on without spiraling down into thinking about suicide," I tell them. The tears were now falling, and they were falling hard. "You think that he's doing this to get back at you?" James asked me. "Yes. He's the only person who could do this to me," I tell them. "Or you know his parents told him to." Jasmine suggested. "Why would they do that? To me?" I asked, raising my voice. "To get back at us. There's history between Jack's parents and us. We did not get along well," Jasmine told me. I thought that they would support me, instead of pulling this shit. "That doesn't matter! Can't you do something about it?" I yell out without thinking.

"We'll call the school and let them figure out what to do. Until then, we don't do anything," James tells me. I let out a quiet, "Okay." "Weren't you asked out by Ben?" Jasmine reminded me. "Yeah I was. Should I go?" I ask them, hoping they'll say the right thing. "Do you trust him to not hurt you?" James asks me. If I know anything, Ben would not hurt me. "I trust him." I tell them. "Are you sure about that?" Jasmine asks me, like I don't know anything. "I am. I know to defend myself if anything happens," I tell them, knowing that I'm not lying to myself. "Do you want me to drop you off?" James suggested. "I can walk it." I tell them. I didn't want to talk to them anymore. Just for today though. "You sure? We'll make sure that no one hurts you on the way and you'll get there safely," Jasmine asks. I guess they could drop me off. "Okay. Thank you." I told them, and we headed out to the car. We didn't talk at all on the way there. Not a single word.