I Only Know How To Love

17: Cashmere

I wake up, and I see Alex beside me in bed. The last thing that I remember from the night before was Alex bringing me home. I wasn't expecting him to stay the night. Sitting there, I watched him sleep, with the sun slowly creeping out of the curtain. "I never thought that I would end up here," Alex says when he wakes up and sees me sitting up in bed. "Me too. I really wasn't expecting this," I tell him, sighing. "I'm here to help you, because I know you," he tells me, fixing his sitting position. "You really do know me," I tell him, hiding my hands underneath the blankets. "I really do," he tells me before leaning in for a kiss. "I'm dating Ben," I tell him after backing away. Even if Alex is trying to get me to cheat, it isn't going to work. "Right, sorry. I forgot for a second there," he says, sitting back up against the pillow.

"It's okay. I just need you to tell me the truth of what's going on here," I tell him. I'm already tired of life and people not telling me the truth, so I've had it. "Do you see a future with Ben?" Alex asks. Like I can tell. "I really don't know," I tell him after thinking about it. "Do you love him? Just be completely honest with me. I won't say anything to him," Alex tells me. Okay, I can be honest. "To be honest, I feel like I should, but not anymore," I tell him after thinking about it.

"Everything is just messed up. Does he know about the pregnancy?" Alex asked. "Yeah he does," I tell him under my breath. "Was he supportive of you?" he asked. "He had asked me if I was getting an abortion," I told him. "And what did you tell him?" He asked. I was getting tired of the questions. "That I'm always going to be pro-life. Look, he's the one who suggested that I tell my parents. Isn't that supportive?" I ask him, raising my voice not too loudly. Jasmine would have already been up and working. "Look, you've just been through a lot yesterday. I don't want to make you mad," he tells me, trying to calm his voice. "Then maybe don't suggest that Ben wasn't supportive, cause it seemed like he was," I tell him, raising my voice, but still trying not to attract attention.

"Okay. It's just that everything is now complicated. You're pregnant with Jack's kid while dating Ben, and another person who has feelings for you," he tells. "I thought you moved on," I told him. I still remember when he had told me that he loved me; I really thought he had moved on. "I tried to, but I couldn't. I just kept finding myself coming back to you, and seeing a life with you," he tells me. "What was the vision that you had about us?" I ask him, with a calm voice. "I always see the two of us living in Los Angeles or New York, with two kids, a boy and a girl, in a house with a dog. Me being a famous band teacher and you pursuing your dreams. I would always support you," he tells me. Maybe I could give him a chance.

"That's very sweet. And now I guess you want to hear my vision for me and Ben?" I ask him. "Yeah," he says under his breath. "I don't have that vision really," I tell him after realizing that it's not there. "You don't?" He asks rather curiously. "I don't. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be with him," I tell him. "I get it. I should just go," he said. "Alex, please stay. You do know that I love you. I do. It's just not in a way that I want to date you. I can't see my life without you in it," I tell him after pulling him back onto the bed. "Really?" He asked. "Yes really," I tell him, looking into his eyes. "Then why can't we kiss?" He asked.

"Because like you said, it's complicated," I tell him. If anything were to ever happen, it would add a whole other level of complicatedness. That may not be a word though. "Just one kiss? We won't say anything to anyone," he tells me. "I don't cheat," I tell him thinking about it. "I understand," he told looking away. I don't want to cause Alex to be depressed. Maybe if I let him have a kiss, that'll help him. "But I guess a kiss won't hurt anyone. It doesn't mean anything," I tell him after thinking long and hard about it. I'm willing to help him be happy. "Okay. Works for me," he tells. Hopefully this will work for him. He looked at me in the eyes, and started leaning in. I felt his lips against mine, nice and warm. I loved that feeling. "You are one of the best kissers I've ever kissed, and that's me saying something," I tell him. His hand was still in my hair. "Again?" He asked. "Fuck yeah," I tell him without thinking about it. He kissed me again, and I kissed back. This started going on for a while. Continuing, I sat on his lap facing him, with him holding my legs. "We should probably stop before this gets out of hand," I tell him once he had put his hands on my ass, and him about to kiss my boobs. "That would be best," he tells after I get off of him. My phone started ringing. Realizing that it was Ben, I had put him on speakerphone, and told Alex to be quiet. "Cashmere? Where are you? I didn't see you at all this morning," Ben had told over the phone. "Sorry, I forgot to text you. I'm really sick so I'm not going to be in today," I tell him, hoping that he'll buy the lie. "Okay. Will I at least be seeing you tomorrow and Friday?" He asked. "No it's that bad," I tell him while Alex was getting his phone out.