I Only Know How To Love

24: Cashmere

I was already tired of the life I had. One part of me just wanted to leave, yet another part of me was telling me not to. Alex would miss me. Jasmine and James would miss me. Even Ben, and I didn't even think about him. I'm getting tired of sneaking around with Alex. I just want to say something to Ben, yet I don't want to break his heart. I'm not someone who breaks people. I don't do that. I only love people. I even remember when I was young and in dance class. I had a friend who was black and had a disability, yet I didn't care. She was capable of being loved and loving others, and that's what matters. Tiffany, a friend of mine who I absolutely loved to this very day. She has an intellectual disability, but it didn't stop me from loving her. I swear, it's like love is the only thing I know what to do. No matter what Jack does to me, I still come out strong. I try to do whatever I can. Whatever life throws at me, I get through it day by day. Yes, there are some times where I messed up, Alex being one of them, but I learned my lesson. So the next time I see Ben, I'm telling him about Alex. I can't see myself without Alex. It'll be hard, but it's a step I'm willing to take. I say goodbye to Alex in the morning and I head to school. Ben comes up to me in the morning and we share a kiss before I head to class. Forgot to mention it then. He had a test third block, and I didn't want him to fail because of a broken heart. I'm not that person.

At the end of the day when I went up to my locker, I had saw a rather mean post-it note on it. It had said: Go kill yourself. I didn't want to think of Jack being the one who had put it on there, but he's the only one capable. "Is everything okay?" Lana had asked, coming up to me. "No. Who would put this on my locker?" I asked, trying not to cry while giving the note to Lana, while Ben came up to me. "What's going on?" Ben asked once he came up to me. "Someone had put a mean post-it note on her locker," Lana had told her. I didn't want to tell Ben. "What does it say?" Ben asked concerned. "Go kill yourself," Lana read to him. "Who would say such a mean thing like that?" Ben had asked as Nadia had came up to me. "Cashmere?" I hear her asking me. "Did you put this on her locker?" Ben asked her, being the defensive boyfriend I was going to break up with soon. "I would never say that," Nadia had told, after Lana showing it to her. Nadia is one of Jack's friends, so I don't believe her. He could've asked her to put it on my locker. "Then who would?" I ask her. "I think I might know who," Nadia tells. "Who is it then?" Lana had asked her. "Jack," Nadia tells us. "Jack?" I ask, trying to get it through the tears. They were falling now, and were falling hard. Ben held me in, and told me, "Don't worry. We'll get him." I didn't want to catch Jack with Ben anymore. I wanted to do it with Alex. "Cashmere, I am truly sorry for all the things that have happened between you and Jack. I really am," Nadia told me. "Are you still friends with Jack?" I asked her. "Yeah I am," she tells me. She needs to know what her 'friend' has done to me. She has every right to know. "Then you should know that he's the one responsible for killing Jason. I witnessed the whole thing. It was meant for me," I tell her, trying to get the words out. It was the second time within two days that I've had to explain to people of what Jack has done.

"That doesn't seem like him," Nadia tells me. Of course she would side with him on that, because he's her friend. "Then just wait until you're on trial," I tell her rather snarky. "Cashmere, please don't cause a scene," Nadia tells me. "You're right. I shouldn't be here," I tell them. "That's not what I'm saying," Nadia tells me. It for sure seems like it. "It seems like it," I tell her. "Cashmere, just calm down," Ben tells me. "No. I can't calm down," I tell them before running out of there. I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to be there at all. I ran outside, with Lana and Ben running after me. I was heading towards the way I head home. "Cashmere! Stop running away!" Ben had yelled out. I wasn't stopping. I wanted to go home, but Ben had caught me when he grabbed my arm. "What's going on?" Ben asked me once I stopped and turned around. Now was the time I was going to end it. "Are you supportive of me?" I started. "Does this concern me?" Lana had asked once she was caught up. "Lana, you can go," I tell her before she headed home. "What are you talking about?" Ben had asked me, confused on what I was talking about. "Do you support me with the pregnancy? Just tell me the truth." I ask him. "Of course I am. Why do you ask?" Ben had asked, still confused more than ever. "Then why did you ask me if I was getting an abortion when I first told you?" I asked him. I needed to know the truth. There's no point in continuing a relationship that is based on lies.

"Please don't blame this on me," he tells me, trying not to choke on his tears. "I just want to know the truth," I tell him, trying not to choke on my own tears. It seemed impossible by this point. "I really don't know what came over me," he stated. "Then I don't think I can be with someone who's not supportive of my pregnancy. Alex is supportive of me, and I almost cheated on you with him," I tell him, finally getting the cheating part out. "You cheated on me?" Ben asked, crying now more than ever. "I don't see this relationship going anywhere. I'm sorry Ben. We're over," I tell him before heading home, leaving him heartbroken there at school. I dried my tears before I went in and saw Alex.