BRIDE WITH BENEFITS | JJK

27

"Careful," your mother in law gets you settled in your bed and gets you whatever you need. A water bottle, your phone, your book, some fruits.

"Do you want me to send Jungkook?" She asks in a gentle tone.

Jungkook came back to the hospital after a few hours. He needed some time to process his emotions alone. His knuckles were bleeding, his eyes were red, his clothes weren't in their best shape. Regardless all of your loved ones gave him an earful. They also hugged him and consoled him but they didn't let him think that what he did was right.

Leaving you like that in the room to not cry in front of you whereas all you needed was to cry with him. You needed him to let you know that he felt the same. It was something you created together, celebrated together, lost together and also needed to grieve together.

"I don't wanna talk to him, that's it," you say.

"How long will this go on?" She asks in a grave tone.

"It's not my fault, he left me alone," you tell her.

"Talk about it. It can't work like this. It's been more than twenty four hours and you two haven't spoken a word to each other," she scolds you.

Before you can speak she goes out and drags Jungkook to the room holding his hands. Her hold is gentle but he can't fight her.

"Eomma," he says complaining.

"Talk. I'm not gonna let you two ruin this with your stupidity," she says going out and quickly locking the door from outside.

"Ma," Jungkook tries to open the door but finds it locked securely.

"I said talk!" She shouts.

"Hey," Jungkook says sitting down beside you. He touches your cheek but you pull yourself away. He touches your hand but you pull it back too.

"I don't wanna be touched," you tell him.

"Well, at least you talked."

He looks at the nightstand on which a tiny unicorn plushie lies, he brought it home when he saw it in the market driving back home the day after you discovered the pregnancy.

You notice a teardrop fall on his hands which he wipes away. Another drop falls and uncountable many trail down as he cries uncontrollably.
He turns around wiping his face with the back of his hand.

"Jungkook, I'm your wife you don't have to hide your tears from me. I know it hurts," you say and hug him before he tries to move away from you.

"I love you and nothing in this world can make it change. I'll love you even if it kills me. You've no idea how much I love you. And I'd rather die than live a life where I don't get to love you," you say caressing his back while he cries with his face buried in your shoulder.

"I don't wanna lose you too," he says.
"It's just that I wanted it so much. My own family created of this love that we have for each other. You have no idea what kind of life I was living before you came into my life. It was dark all around and then when I saw you, I saw daylight again. I tried to be good again, left all things that only did damage to me. I became me again and it was all because I met you. All that only increased when you told me you were going to give me such an incredible gift. And all that my love did to you was-" you cover his mouth before he can complete the sentence.

"Nothing. I'm right here Kook. Alive and breathing. My heart still beats. That's the only thing that has to matter that I'm here." You remove your hand from his mouth.

"I went to meet a personal finance consultant yesterday. When they tried to call me, my phone was on silent. I wanted to increase my life insurance cover and invest some more. Then we got to talking about home loans, he said it wouldn't be long after you have the first one that you'll want one more and you'll need more space. I jinxed it by dreaming so much probably. I should've listened to that voice in the back of my mind telling me to slow down. I didn't, I had these vivid dreams of where my kid would go to preschool, and how we'll do science projects together and how I'll teach them to drive. I'm so so sorry that I ruined it all," he keeps saying with his head low.

"Oh god, Jungkook just stop it! This was never going to grow into a baby. We're going to have a baby in the future, I'm sure we'll have a healthy one. You don't just have to give up on all your dreams. Just hold on for a while we'll try again and they'll come true," you tell him gravely. He shakes his head in disagreement.

"I am never going to put you in that position where there is a risk of losing you. It can happen again, if anything the risk is increased in another pregnancy that it can be like this one again," Jungkook says while your anger towards him grows again. You find him absolutely unreasonable.

"Well I can die sitting right here, who knows the ceiling could fall on my head and kill me. And this one escalated because of my ignorance. Its my mistake that I didn't take it seriously when I found myself bleeding. The next time we'll go to the doctor as soon as we find out. In case anything like it happens again, they'll manage it in time. Jungkook, there is a risk of being killed every second of our lives. We can't stop living in fear of dying," you argue.

"I'm not going to get you pregnant and that's it," he stands up and speaks in an intimidating tone.

"So we're back to square one? You're not going to touch me, you're not going to make sexual contact with me?" You ask.

"I didn't say that," he says.

"Then what? Every form of birth control has some percent of risk involved," you tell him.

"Fine then I'll get a vasectomy," he says casually which enrages you more.

"Don't you dare!" You shout at him unable to control yourself anymore. "I'll divorce you if you do that. I told you very clearly and asked you on our first date itself that I want kids and you said you want it too. And I'm very serious about it. I'll go to any lengths to make it happen. I'm not just going to give it up like that." You say before taking a few deep breaths and try to calm down.

"Fine," you say. He stands near the window quietly.

"There are other ways to have children too. It doesn't have to be a biological child. There are many children in this world in need of being loved." You look at him with hopeful eyes. You wait for a response.

"I don't wanna risk ruining an innocent person's life. I am a danger to your life. I can't put another person in danger too," he says lowly.

All the effort you put in to try and calm down blew away in a moment. You feel so bad that he's doing this to you. A person like him, a highly educated civilised person is talking so irrationally. You don't say anything more. It gets you nowhere with him, no matter how much you just try.

You open the cupboard and fill in as many clothes you can fit into your trolley while he just stands near the window. He doesn't looks back. He doesn't knows what you're even doing.

He's only made aware of it when his parents in the living room shout and enter the room. Your father in law tries to stop you from leaving. You say you made a mistake and you're sorry for it. He let go of you when you tell him you'll never recover if you stay in the house. Instead, he helps you to get a cab and take your bag down to the street.

You cry on the cab ride to your parent's house. Regret that you didn't take up your mother's offer to stay there until you recover. You realise you forgot to take the pain meds when a sharp pain arises at the spot of the surgery incision.
You brought your medicines with you so you take them.

The physical pain subsides. You wish there was something you could take to erase the emotional pain that comes with it too.

Hii readers
It's been a while
It's weird how my motivation to write keeps coming and going like a wave.