Eyes Don't Lie | Charles Leclerc

Part 6 | This Is Me Trying

January 10th, 2023

I sit quietly in the dimly lit room, the only sound being the soft hum of the fan in my apartment. The air feels heavy, weighed down by the countless thoughts racing through my mind. I stare at the wall, but I'm not really seeing it. My thoughts are elsewhere.

It's been nine days since I ran out of Aria's apartment. I still remember my arms around her, the way her hair smelled of vanilla and honey, the feeling of being safe. Truthfully, I hadn't felt safe in a long time and how could a stranger make me feel this way. I remember my papa used to tell me good souls attracted other good souls, which I knew Aria was.

The world sees me as a Formula One driver, someone who has achieved what so many can only dream of. They see the podiums, the victories, the glory. But what they don't see is the struggle, the constant battle with my own mind, the relentless pressure to be perfect, to prove that I'm good enough.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, feeling the weight of my thoughts begin to lift, even if just a little. My mind flashed back to running down Aria's stairs, promising myself a brighter and better future ahead. I stayed true to my first promise, the world wasn't ready to see me until I was the best version of myself, the real me. I know this won't be easy. It will take time, effort, and a lot of patience with myself. But I can't afford to let these negative thoughts consume me any longer.

From now on, I'm going to focus on the positives. I'm going to remind myself of the hard work I've put in, the sacrifices I've made to get to where I am. I'm going to acknowledge that I am good enough, that I deserve to be here, fighting at the front.

This promise isn't just about racing, it's about me, as a person. I want to be better, not just on the track but in life. I want to be kinder to myself, to give myself the same understanding and encouragement that I would give to someone else. I want to wake up each day with the determination to push myself, not out of fear, but out of love for what I do and who I am becoming.

I know the road ahead won't be easy. There will still be tough days, moments of doubt, and times when I feel like I'm slipping back into the darkness. But now, I have this promise to hold on to...a promise to keep moving forward, no matter what. All thanks to the kindest of a stranger.

I open my eyes, feeling a sense of calm wash over me. For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful. This is my journey, and I'm ready to embrace it, with all its ups and downs. Because at the end of the day, I'm not just fighting for victories on the track, I'm fighting for myself.

Ferrari had been understanding of my requests to privately train out of the public eye. Andrea had been coming to my maman's home, ensuring we were preparing hard for the upcoming season. I purposefully never left the house, only unless necessary. I removed all social media apps on my phone, ensuring my team wouldn't be posting on my behalf. I wanted to move in the dark, be a silent ghost.

I stare at my phone, my finger hovering over the button to place the order for flowers. Aria was kind to me, more than kind...she opened her door to a stranger and gave me a place to rest when I needed it most...when I was at my lowest. I wanted to thank her, to show her that her kindness meant something. But there's more to it, isn't there? 

I want to know her better, to understand the person behind that warm smile and gentle eyes. Yet, I hesitate. How can I pursue something deeper when I'm still sorting out the chaos in my own mind? I need to focus on myself first, on becoming the person I want to be, before I can truly reach out to someone else. 

So, I let my finger fall away from the screen, and for now, I keep the flowers unbought.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 

Author's Note: Overthinking is the worst 😭