Eyes Don't Lie | Charles Leclerc

Part 15 | Help I'm Alive

September 2022

*Flashback*

I cried because I didn't know how to fix it. Because I was scared that I never would....

The room was silent, aside from the cries I couldn't hold back anymore. I felt empty, drained of every ounce of strength I'd tried so hard to keep up. I stayed on the floor, my back against the wall, trying to pull myself together, but the tears kept coming. Each one felt like a release, but also like a confirmation that I was losing control, spiraling.

I don't know how long I sat there, broken, but suddenly there was a loud knock at the door, startling me out of my thoughts. I froze, holding my breath, hoping whoever it was would just go away. But the knocking came again, more insistent this time.

"Charles, it's me. Open the door" a voice called out from the other side. It was Carlos.

Fuck. Fuck.

I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to face anyone. But the knocking continued, and there was something in his tone...concern, urgency, that made me get up and stumble to the door. My legs felt weak, like they might give out beneath me, but I reached the door and cracked it open just enough to see Carlos standing there, his expression a mix of worry and sadness.

"Charles, let me in," he said, almost pleading.

I hesitated, still not meeting his eyes, feeling the shame burn through me. But something in me gave up, and I opened the door just enough to let him slip inside. I backed away, avoiding his stare, knowing I looked like a mess.

"Mate... what's going on?" 

Carlos closed the door behind him. He sounded confused, almost afraid, like he didn't recognize the person standing before him. And maybe he didn't. Maybe I didn't either.

I didn't know where to start, didn't know how to put into words the storm that was raging inside me. But Carlos was there, waiting, and the dam that had held back all my pain, my fears, finally broke.

"It's all falling apart, Carlos," I began, my voice shaking. 

"I thought I had it under control after the last win. I thought I could fight, that I could be strong enough. But it's not enough. I'm not enough. I'll never be enough."

Carlos stayed silent, listening intently as I continued to spill everything I had kept locked up for so long.

"Every race, every mistake...it's like it's chipping away at me. I'm trying, but it feels like no matter what I do, I'm failing. The team, the fans... they all expect so much from me. And when I don't deliver, it's like I'm letting everyone down. I'm letting myself down. I'm letting Jules down."

I could see the shock in Carlos' eyes, the way his brows furrowed. But I couldn't stop now. The words were coming out faster, tumbling over each other in a rush of raw emotion.

"I can't sleep, I can't think straight. Every time I close my eyes, I see the crashes, the DNFs, the headlines calling me a failure. And today, when I lost it in France, I just... I couldn't take it anymore. I went out, I drank, I tried to forget, but it didn't help. It only made everything worse. I woke up with some random girl in my bed, and I didn't even know how I got there."

I paused, choking on my words, the reality of what I was saying hitting me like a punch to the gut. "I don't know who I am anymore, Carlos. I'm scared that I'm losing myself, that I'm losing everything."

Carlos didn't say anything for a moment, and I wondered if I'd said too much, if I'd burdened him with something he didn't want to hear. But then he took a step closer, his hand resting on my shoulder, and when I finally looked up, his eyes were filled with something I hadn't expected..tears.

"Charles...I had no idea you were going through this. I'm sorry, mate. I'm so sorry. I should've been there for you, should've noticed..."

I shook my head, cutting him off. "It's not your fault, Carlos. I hid it well. Too well. But I don't know what to do anymore."

He gripped my shoulder a little tighter, as if to steady me, to stop me from slipping further into the dark abyss I'd created in my mind. "You don't have to do this alone, Charles. I'm here for you, okay? Whatever you need, whatever you're feeling, you can talk to me. We're teammates, but more than that, we're friends. I've got your back, always. Together or nothing."

Hearing those words, the genuine tone in his voice, it eased something inside me. The weight didn't lift completely, but it shifted, just enough to let me breathe again. I nodded, trying to hold back another wave of tears, but this time they weren't just from pain. There was relief in them too. I had been carrying this burden alone for so long.

"Thank you, Carlos," I whispered, my voice barely a whisper, but he heard it. He gave me a small, reassuring smile, a million unexchanged words.

We stood there in silence for a while, Carlos giving me the space I needed to collect myself. The room still felt heavy, like a reminder of everything that had gone wrong, but it didn't feel quite as suffocating as before. I knew it wasn't over, that the road ahead would still be difficult, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe...just maybe, I could face it. 

But just when I thought things might start to get better, my phone on the nightstand buzzed. I glanced at it, a knot forming in my stomach as I saw the notification. The girl from last night had sent me a message on Instagram. I opened it, my heart sinking as I read the words:

"I've got some great pics from last night. You should have checked my deleted folder. Let's talk about what they're worth."

I felt the blood drain from my face, and Carlos must have noticed because he stepped closer, concern etched on his features. My phone slipped through my fingers, hitting the floor with a loud bang.

"Charles? What is it?"

Carlos bent over to grab my phone that has slipped through my fingers. I was unable to speak, the panic rising in my chest again. He read the message, his expression hardening.

"Shit..." he muttered, his jaw tightening. 

"We'll handle this, okay? We'll figure it out."

But as much as I wanted to believe him, the sinking feeling in my gut told me that this was just the beginning of a new nightmare. And this time, I wasn't sure if I had the strength to fight it. I couldn't handle the weight of another disappointment to the fans. This wasn't me...

Why the fuck am I so unlucky? 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

Author's Note: The flashbacks to 2022 are almost done, just a few more. My heart hurts for poor Charlie. This is to give an insight on how Charles came to feel so helpless and needing saving ❤️