Selcouth - (OCxEric) ON HOLD

Forget

The rest of initiation passed by quickly. I ended up third in the ranks followed by Caterina in fourth and Ames and Kostas not far behind.

Luckily, all of my former friends welcomed me back into their lives with open arms.

As luck would have it, the morning that Eric kicked me out of his room I literally bumped right in to Rocco. It was all so ironic since he was the first person to ever warn me about Eric's ways.

Initially, I was nervous that he wouldn't care since I pushed him away, but he was understanding and immediately took me to Sasha's room.

The two of them didn't make me go into detail about what happened with Eric, but I'm sure they were able to connect the dots.

I still had marks from the previous night all over me and everything about me was a mess, so that probably helped them reach a conclusion about what went down.

The worst part about facing them in undeniably my weakest moment, was that I could see that they felt sorry for me. The sympathy and pity that they had was so clear in their eyes.

Sasha probably felt the worst for me. She was constantly telling me how sorry she was and even let me stay in her extra room until I got my own place after initiation. I didn't appreciate all the pity, but I gladly took the room, it made things a lot better.

During the days, I would usually hang out with Beast after facing whatever fears I had. His face was healing nice but it still served as a painful reminder of Eric every time I saw him.

Even if it weren't for his injuries though, I'm sure I still wouldn't have trouble being reminded about Eric. I thought about him constantly. No matter what, my mind drifted to him one way or another.

I'd seen him around a lot after what happened, but it was like I was invisible to him. He looked completely unaffected by the whole thing and seemed to be able to sleep well at night somehow.

On the day of the final tests, there was a celebration for getting though initiation. Max and Eric both gave short speeches to us before the "festivities" started and Eric looked exactly like he did the first day that I'd seen him.

It's horrible to wish pain or sadness on another human being but I wanted him to be as torn up about things as I was. I was so jealous of how he moved on so painlessly, while I was stuck, still holding on to him in the most pathetic ways.

It felt like I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, everything about me felt broken and he was just fine. He didn't care, that was obvious, I just had to keep reminding myself that he never did.

Since it was difficult for me to even see Eric give his speech after initiation, I didn't want to go celebrate afterwards with the rest of my friends. I didn't know if he would be there, but I didn't want to take the risk. Even if I did go with everyone else, I wouldn't really bring much to the table. I'd become a real mood killer lately and I didn't want to be responsible for ruining other people's fun too.

It was easier to be alone anyway.

Right after initiation, Caterina and I decided that we would share a place, so that didn't really leave me with much alone time. She was a great shoulder to cry on, but I kept my tears in when I was around her because it was too embarrassing to cry over someone that
I was never actually with.

The only time that I did allow myself to cry, was when I was in the shower. That way, my tears would mix in with the water and the sound would drown out my sobs.

On one night, I think I ran out of tears. I didn't cry at all. It was like I had gone completely numb.

For the first time, I got out of the shower without swollen eyes and dried myself off before going to my room and getting dressed.