Selcouth - (OCxEric) ON HOLD

Madness

•THIRD PERSON POV•

Looking back on every single person Eric has ever had sex with, he didn't care about a single one. He didn't know he was even capable of feeling affection until he realized he had it for Alana.

It was almost unbelievable to him that he could crave someone so badly as he did her.

He thought about the night that they slept together and how different it was for him. Sex was usually good, but with Alana it was better. The gratification that he received went far beyond something that was only physical.

He figured that once they had been together in that way, he would be done, just like he always was with other girls.

She undeniably evoked feelings in him that no one else had, but he thought that it would all stop when he got what he thought he wanted.

But last night though, he didn't want her to leave. He wanted to be closer to her and once she was wrapped in his arms in his bed, he decided he wasn't going to let her leave.

As she slept, he hugged her body closer to him, and pressed his lips to her forehead. He could feel her soft puffs of breath hitting his bare chest and proving to be the most soothing sensation he'd ever experienced.

She shifted in his arms slightly and every inch of him tensed up with the fear that he somehow made her uncomfortable enough to wake her up. Normally, Eric didn't care about the comfort of others, but within the past few hours, he'd found himself obsessing over whether or not she felt safe and comfortable.

He was terrified that if he touched her the wrong way he would break her her, because she was so incredibly delicate. He didn't want to destroy her like he'd been known to destroy everything else.

All of a sudden, Alana mumbled something unintelligible in her sleep. Eric tried to relax her by pulling her closer and tracing the dip of her spine, like he'd done many times before. He'd memorized it by now, just like he'd memorized the curve of her lips and cheekbones.

As he peered down at her sleeping body, he knew that her wide, full eyes were hiding behind closed eyelids. He also knew that if he saw them right now, he could break under their gaze and in a way that angered him.

He was beginning to realize that she was his weakness and Eric didn't like feeling weak.

Experiencing the feelings that he had for her, was like being taken over by a force of madness. What he felt, burned and grew like a wildfire deep in his chest and out of control.

And Eric wasn't fond of not being in control. It infuriated him how easily Alana confused him. She made him feel like he didn't know anything for certain.

He didn't understand why he enjoyed being around her, but he did. He didn't understand why he cared about her, but he did.

He didn't understand why he spent every waking moment thinking of her, because Eric didn't think of anyone other than himself, but he did.

She defied everything that he thought he knew about himself.

He had built these strong walls around himself over the years, but now things were starting to seep through those walls all because of Alana.

He couldn't let that happen though.

He couldn't lose everything that he'd built for an innocent girl from amity that was sure to flee once she saw what was hidden behind those walls anyways.

He had to put an end to it; to them.

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By the time morning rolled around, Eric had already distanced himself from Alana, physically. After having his revelation of sorts, he moved to sleep on the couch. He wasn't able to sleep well because he knew what he was about to do, so he decided to get up early and take a shower.

He thought about what he would say to her while he showered. He was having a volatile fit within himself as he tried to find the words.

He knew that he had grown so attached to her, but he also realized that was the very reason why he had to put an end it.

Their fallout was imminent and was sure to end badly either way.

It was as if they were both holding on to different ends of the same rope, leaning back and spinning around in a circle and it was only a matter of time before one of them let go and sent the other one crashing to the ground.

In true Eric fashion, he had to be in control of the situation and he had to be the one that determined how it ended. So after he got out of the shower, he opened the door to his room where she sat at the foot of his bed.

He could feel the sliver of good he had left in him telling him not to go through with it, but he ignored any protestations as he let go of the rope they held and down she went.

Lying to her and saying that he didn't care, or that she meant nothing to him was no easy feat for Eric.

The way that she looked up at him through pleading eyes was torturous and powerful enough to make the lies he was telling catch in his throat.

The worst came though when she told him that she hated him, because in that moment he hated himself too.

And right before he told her that he didn't care, he could see the anticipation in her eyes as she waited for him to feel something from her words. Needless to say it never came.

After Alana left his room, Eric stood by his front door, fighting the desire to go run after her.

He decided to see how far he could make it without thinking about her and barely made it to his kitchen before she flooded his mind.

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The next few days went by without conflict on Eric's part. He'd become a master at putting on a mask everyday to hide what he was going through, so doing it now was no different.

He kept tabs on Alana from a distance, and could see how hard she was taking things. Eric's known since he was young that he wasn't a hero, that he wasn't a good guy, but this made him feel worse than he ever had.

On the day he had to meet with Max and all of the initiates about jobs, he didn't expect it do be as difficult as it was.

He tried not to look at her, but snuck glances when she wasn't watching.

It took everything in him not to take her hand and lead her to his room because he could see how tired she was and he knew how well she slept in his arms.

It took everything in him not to move closer to her so she could rest her head on his shoulder and it took everything in him not to tell her that this was all for her own good because he wasn't good enough for her.

When Alana accepted the offer to work on the fence, Eric almost burst trying to not demand she pick another job, one where she was closer to him. He didn't know how he would be able to go everyday not only without seeing her, but also not knowing what was going on with her.

Just the thought of something happening to her out there, or her being around other guys brought a sickening feeling to him. In the second after he told Max that he didn't care what job Alana got, he knew he made a terrible mistake.

There were so many things that he wanted to say to her, so many things that she deserved to hear, but by the time he decided she needed to hear them it was too late and she was already gone.