My Co-Worker is an Elf Girl?! (#thewattys2024)

Chapter 25 - Do We Even Have a Plan

UNKNOWN APARTMENT - MORNING
Somewhere in Ûr, a 10-YEAR-OLD BOY is recording a video from his parents' kitchen with his phone.

THE MOST VAPID AI VOICE IMAGINABLE: "Sup guys, there is a really cool drink I want to show you that you can make at home!"

The 10-year-old boy drops several unwrapped pieces of candy into a mug.

THE MOST VAPID AI VOICE IMAGINABLE: "You start with a few pieces of your favorite candy... I like SourMines™!"

He then pours orange juice into the cup. Because the container is nearly full, the 10-year-old boy's arms shake from holding its weight, leaving drops all over the countertop.

THE MOST VAPID AI VOICE IMAGINABLE: "Your favorite juice and soda!"

Next, the boy pours in liquid from a mysterious bottle.

THE MOST VAPID AI VOICE IMAGINABLE: "Lastly, whatever medication you find in your mom and dad's cabinet. Cough syrup is my favorite flavor!'"

SAMARA'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Remy watches the above unfold on a phone screen with a legally distinct version of TikTok on Samara's couch. Samara types away on her laptop, which is about six feet away.

REMY: "You don't need my help?"

SAMARA: "I gave it some thought. There isn't much time left for us to make this presentation, so I think it'll make the most sense if I do it all myself."

REMY: "Yourself?"

SAMARA: "Since you're new to the human world, you should soak in social media! After all, it is the center of all marketing in the human world."

REMY: "I know about social media."

Samara stops typing.

SAMARA: "Wait. How?"

REMY: "I have read all sorts of tales and have run Humans & Houses campaigns about social media!"

Remy pulls out her Humans & Houses guidebook and flips to a page. It depicts a Middle Ages-style drawing of TWO YUPPIES in suits facing off in a courtroom with their LAWYERS."

REMY: "The Tale of Mark the Quiet squaring off with his best friend for the legal rights to FaceSmash!"

Remy flips to another page. It depicts a Middle Ages-style recreation of a screenshot of a computer desktop. A webcam application is open, showing a TIRED FATHER furiously typing away on the keyboard.

REMY: "Or, the lamentations of Resolute John! Who sought the whereabouts of his missing daughter with nothing but her laptop files and search history!"

The elf girl closes her book and strikes a dramatic pose.

REMY: "I am not unfamiliar with the vast realm of human social media! I can help you, Samara. Please let me earn my keep!"

Samara sits in stunned silence. She snatches the book out of Remy's hands and flips through it.

SAMARA: "Is this book full of shit like this?!"

REMY: "I see you like keeping your bad habits"

Samara sifts through pages of other Medieval-style illustrations of scenes from famous movies in the human world. Indeed, the book is full of shit just like that.

SAMARA: "I want to go to your world one day so that I can see this batshit with my own eyes."

REMY: "What will it be? Will you let me work with you? Or will you just stuff me with sweets and call me 'Lady Remy' the entire time?"

Samara closes Remy's book, overcome with self-disgust. Remy has scored a critical hit.

SAMARA: "I see your point."

Remy takes a seat next to Samara.

REMY: "So what's your plan?"

SAMARA: "I know for a fact that one of the teams is going to try a 'shock and awe' tactic by making some super cool video ad to win the competition. I'm going to suggest we take a more grounded approach, something based on hard facts and data."

REMY: "Go on."

SAMARA: "If we are to market 'I Was Reincarnated Into Another World With A Shotgun: The Dating Sim,' it would make a ton of sense if we took inspiration from other successful dating sim marketing campaigns. We'll make the same ads, hit up the same influencers or streamers, and everything else in between. We would have hard numbers to show HMG that this works, something Claire and her buddies can't deliver with all of the film set pizzas in the world..."

Remy nods, soaking all of the information in.

REMY: "So you are thinking of following the footsteps of something tried and true? So we'd have empirical evidence of success?"

SAMARA: "Precisely. But we're going to have to come up with some unique twist on it all; otherwise, they'll accuse us of being unoriginal hacks. This is probably where I could use your thoughts on the matter, I suppose."

Remy nods vigorously in agreement.

REMY: "...and what are we trying to sell again?"

Samara stops her typing and clicking.

SAMARA: "What?!... You don't know what this project is about?!"

Remy slinks back, making herself smaller.

REMY: "...N...nooo....?"

SAMARA: "So this whole time you were at the orientation, you had no idea what was going on?"

Remy winces.

REMY: "I was hoping for more context clues, but the context never came..."

Samara stares vacantly at her laptop's screen.  Her brain pinwheels, trying to find the best way to navigate this. She slaps her knee and stands up.

SAMARA: "Time for an info dump then."

REMY: "I pray I am not troubling you..."

SAMARA: "Nope. I'll be more than happy to explain this to you..."

To be continued...