Desperate Measures

Is It Over Now?

Amanda's POV

The next morning after taking my pain meds as my c section scar was still healing I went up to see Josh and hopefully he's doing okay. But before heading up I picked up our son Miles so Josh could see him for a while. Once I got to his room Derek stopped me from going in as I could see his whole body shivering. "What the hell is going on? He was fine yesterday!" I said trying my best to advocate for him. "He has a pretty bad infection from a wound on his leg that they missed when he came in last week. Now I've got him on the strongest anti biotics and watching incase god forbid it spreads to the bone and if it does Amanda we may need to speak to him about amputation." My mouth just dropped in shock and in anger that they missed this. "You know he won't accept if you have to remove his leg Derek." He sighed as he started to put on his PPE gown and mask. "Just if you want to sit with him just don't bring the baby in he's too small to fight off anything. And I know but I'm trying my best to prevent it from spreading and if it does we will have this conversation with him." God he is not going to be happy hearing that. I sighed handing the baby to Josh's mother who was also still here.

"Do you mind holding him? I just want to sit with him for a while." She shook her head smiling as I got on the gown and gloves and mask. "No of course I don't mind Amanda he gets to spend time with his grandma." I smiled walking into the room with Derek as it seemed like he was sleeping but his body was just shaking so badly. "It's just from the fever from the infection Amanda, I've got him on cooling blankets and cold fluids." I nodded sitting down next to him holding his hand as I saw his eyes flutter open a little bit. "Hey...how is our baby?" Josh said pretty weakly while Derek was cleaning out the wound again. "He's so adorable and growing quite a bit but Josh we need to talk about you, about if this spreads any further and if god forbid they would have to remove your leg." He just shook his head as I saw a nurse place oxygen tubing up his nose. "N-No one removes my leg." Of course he's being stubborn about it.

"Josh if it starts spreading to your bone there's nothing anyone can do and it puts a risk on your life. So if it's gets to that point I will have the surgeon remove your leg but make sure that you can be fitted for a prostectic leg." He sat up a little bit grabbing the bin next to him but nothing came up he was basically dry heaving which isn't good. I sat up sitting on the bed rubbing his back as he basically fell back into my arms. "But it may not even come to that Josh if we get the infection cleared out then you'll be fine." He nodded while closing his eyes again falling back asleep. "I kinda expected that response but it's weird to see him sleeping this much." I said getting up as he nodded. "It's just his body is trying to fight the infection that's all but I'll let you know if it's...oh no. I was going to say that I'll let you know when it's reached the bone but look it's reached it." I walked over to Derek looking at the wound and yeah I could see his leg bone slowly decaying.

"Did you want me to wake him or?" He shook his head as it looked like he was paging someone. "No don't wake him, I'll try to see if they can clean the infection out of the bone before he gets worse." He said leaving the room to speak to someone as I got up leaving the room as well and god I hope they can save his leg as I know he wouldn't come to terms with it.

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Josh's POV

After a while I woke up feeling even more shitty which that can't be good but I could hear some doctor and I felt him cleaning out my leg as it stung like crazy. "W...Where's Matt?" I could hardly say as he looked down at me but didn't respond. Like is he going through the same thing as me? With an infection so bad that it might take my leg? A minute later I saw my mother enter the room with Derek as she pushed my hair back caressing it. "Hey he's hardly making any sense and I don't think we can carve out the infection sir. I would recommend amputation and get him fitted for a prosthetic in a few months once the stump heals." I shook my head lightly gripping onto his hand.

"Please...no." He sighed pulling his hand away as I could tell that doctor is about done with me. "Haven't you tried cutting out the infection dude?! He has said more than once that he doesn't want it removed and I said that we would try everything!" I heard Derek yell but at the same time I could taste something metal like in my mouth. "I have tried everything! It has spread to the bone so I will be taking him up to the or soon to cut that leg off before it kills him!" Right as he said that I grabbed the bin next to me and sat up and I actually threw up some dark red blood instead of the green shit I've been throwing up. Wait why am I throwing up blood?! I thought the infection was in my leg?! Both of them looked over and ran to my side and they shoved my mom out of the room and lowered my head down again. "Shit it might've reached his heart someone book an OR!" Am I dying? Is this what it feels like?

I looked over to my side as I was starting to struggle to breathe again and I could hardly hear anyone. "What do you mean there's no operating room available?! He is dying of a leg infection!" I heard the other bitchy doctor say as I looked into Derek's eyes. "It's okay just focus on me I won't let you die." You can't promise that...I know he can't. "Hey we need to sedate him now before he  fucking croaks! They don't have an operating room so what can we do?" Great so I'm going to die because these idiots can't set aside their egos for a moment. "Force someone out of theirs?! I don't know." Right as they said that I felt the coldness of the sedative go through my veins as I slowly fell asleep into the dark abyss of my mind once again.

-

A few days later

Finally I started coming out of the haze and started waking up but I was honestly terrified to find out if they removed that leg or not. When I first opened my eyes I saw Matt out of all people in a wheel chair next to my bed holding my hand. "Hey Josh." He said softly smiling as I reached my free hand to try and feel if it was still there. "They um...had to remove your leg. It was too infected Josh and it even made you have a seizure so they had to." He said lifting up the blanket and there was just a little stump left. I shakily placed my hand on the stump in tears. "I know it's not what you wanted but in a few months you'll be able to get a prosthetic leg." I shook my head breaking into tears as I didn't want this at all.

"Josh listen to me you'll still be able to perform! Once you regain your balance with the leg we can still tour and everything. Besides it'll make it seem like you're a badass for surviving this." I looked up at Matt giving him this glare of anger. "It's just not what I wanted honestly I would've wanted to die instead of loosing apart of myself!" I said as he had this look of shock on his face. "You don't realize if you had died from the infection it wouldn't just be good for you! Just cause it's gone doesn't mean your life is over but no you won't listen." He scoffed standing up on his crutches walking out of the room. "Told you he wouldn't like this." I heard Amanda say quietly as I just hid in the blankets still crying as I didn't want to loose this one part of me.

Then I heard someone come into the room and it was mom she sat down on the bed placing her hand on the stump. "Joshua sweetie why does this have you all upset? You'll be able to walk again in a few months." I sighed as she handed me a tissue as I took it wiping the tears and snot from my face. "Well it's been apart of me since I was born and if we didn't take the car and just stayed home we wouldn't be in this fucking position. I would still have a leg and Matt wouldn't be injured." My mom sighed shaking her head. "You have to stop blaming yourself for everything Josh. You didn't know that the car would crash from the snow and that your leg would be infected. This isn't your fault and it's only a bit of a setback on your life. You will survive this cause I can't handle loosing my only son." The last part she said just broke me inside. "Even if you're disabled you're still the same energetic son who I am so proud of." I smiled an actual smiled as I managed to sit up pulling her into a hug.

"I love you so much mom...and I know I need to stop blaming myself but you know how my mind works." I said pulling away from her as I looked down at my side as I saw they gave me back my morphine button since this is going to be fucking painful as shit for the next while. "I know and did you want to rest?" I nodded as she kissed my forehead standing up. "Alright I love you and I'll be back up tomorrow." She said smiling as I pressed the button for the pain and slowly fell back into the darkness of sleep.