Desperate Measures

Push

A few months later

I was sitting on the couch scrolling through the tv while cuddling Bennie as she's probably one of the only thing keeping me going these days, besides my son Leo these days. He's basically the light of my life since I got home a few months ago. A moment later Matt came into the room as him and Amanda had been staying here since I got back to help out with everything. But today I've got an appointment to finally get fitted for a fake leg since it's healed up. Which thank god cause I am just tired of not being able to walk without being on crutches. Luckily the label has been very supportive and understanding, and the fans they have been so so supportive and sending messages on Instagram and Twitter after I posted about what happened. But I really am missing performing a lot these days since I don't think we're going to be touring this album at this rate.

A few minutes later I saw Amanda enter the room with Leo in her arms as she just looked so freaking tired. "Hey you seem really tired love did you need me to watch him for the next hour or so till Matt takes me to this appointment?" She sighed placing him in my arms. "I just need coffee." I could tell that motherhood was hitting her so hard over the past few months. "I um think Matt made a pot when he got up. But I'm getting my fake leg casted and hopefully I'll be able to walk soon." I said as I placed Leo in the little portable crib we have set up next to the couch for me as I grabbed my crutches standing up and hobbling over to her. "That's great and I'm okay just tired and my breasts just are so sore...I just need an hour to just be myself." Well I didn't need to know that last part. "Yeah I understand I can watch our kid until I have to leave." She smiled pulling me into a light kiss as yeah we did get back together for Leo's sake.

"Thank you so much. Just let me know when you're about to leave." She said pulling away walking back into the bedroom while I hopped over near the mirror looking at what was left of the leg. I'm actually still blaming myself for what happened which I know I shouldn't but I am. Even Matt has recovered way faster than me considering how bad his injuries were. I suddenly felt so much pain from where my stump was as I don't know why? Like it's healed up perfectly. I hobbled over to the couch sitting down as I started massaging the limb as I saw Matt walking out sighing. "Hey you okay?" I nodded looking up at Matt as it seemed like he just woke up. "Yeah I'm fine...just sore which is odd cause it's healed up." He kneeled down infront of me placing his hands on a pressure point which relieved the pain for a moment.

"It's probably phantom limb...my dad he also lost his leg and my mom would do this for him." Not gonna lie things between Matt and I have been pretty freaking awkward since that night. Even after the crash he didn't want to try dating again and he's still trying to process if we should stay friends or not which I don't know anymore. "Well it's helping so thanks." I said smiling a little checking on the baby as he was still sleeping. "You seem down what's wrong?" He said sitting down next to me as he could always see right through my depression as I sighed looking at him. "Just thinking about us again and blaming myself all over again but I'm totally fine." He wrapped his arm around me and I let him. "Josh it wasn't anyone's fault for the crash and I just don't know what to about us since you got back together with her. I know it's been awkward between us since we got home and maybe we both need a break from each other for a while since Amanda can drive you'll be okay." He has a point so we can both think through everything clearly. "But it is my fault...I'm the one who said to drive her to the hospital! I'm the one who snapped and told you to floor it! So yeah it is my fault." I said standing up as I went to put weight on the leg that's no longer there so I fell on my ass again.

Matt just looked down at me laughing as I also bursted out laughing as he offered his hand to help me up. "And that's your karma now come on that's appointment is in an hour." I smiled grabbing my crutches and walking over to the bedroom. "Amanda love we're leaving for the appointment!" I said as she gave me a thumbs up as I saw Matt turning on the baby monitor and she turned hers on. "Love you!" I said walking out of the apartment and taking the elevator down to the main floor which I'm really fucking hating as it's so fucking slow but it's not like I can do stairs anymore. Once I got downstairs I walked over to the car as Matt was leaning up against it as I saw that he was smoking? "Matt why are you smoking?" He rolled his eyes giving me this look. "Because I can and it's not your problem what I do or don't do anymore. Like come on we almost fucking died just live a little." I smacked the cigarette out of his hand stomping on it with my foot. "You do realize it'll kill you faster and maybe god forbid you'll get cancer trust me it's not fun." He rolled his eyes again getting into the car as I didn't even know he was getting that low since the crash.