Borderline Love

ch 19

"Sean, grab the box." rachel hollered into the living room. Out came Sean with a heart shaped silver box.

"Rose, we talked about handfasting but never got to discuss it, so this is my gift to you, a gift to us. I had them prepared just for us by a local artist. I hope you approve." She opened the box and there laid our handfasting cords. There were hues of red, cayan, and turquoise. All beautiful colors. My mouth dropped as I gathered them in my hands. I laid them across my wrist as if imagining the wedding itself.

"they're perfect. I love you."

"I love you too."

Sean stood there all excited barely containing his joy for us. He ended up leaving us, letting us carry on into this romantic moment.

"Will you marry me, Rose?"

"Of course I will."

"So let's talk about the details."

"okay, but nothing huge. Something simple and intimate."

"I agree. I was thinking about inviting Star and your brother. Is that okay? Sean and I don't have any family so it'll just be a few friends of ours and yours."

"I think that's perfect."

We went on to talk about the details of our dresses and the venue. We decided to do the venue in the back yard with a wooden arch to stand under. Our dresses would be shades of pink, ocean blue and white. Perfect colors that match our personalities. After discussing more we wrapped ourselves together in the living room. Sean joined in and told us how happy he was for us. I think he was more excited than the both of us. He would be doing the decor after all. We set the date for three weeks ahead of us.

It was a week before our wedding. I was getting nervous to the point of crying randomly. Rachel noticed and kept comforting and assuring me that this was a good thing. That she wouldn't leave me. That I was perfect for her.

"But....what if I have to go back in the psych?"

"I'll still love you the same."

"I love you,"

"I love you too."

She wrapped her arms around me, hugging me close to her.

A day later was my therapy session. I wasn't ready for it. Although I managed to actually do the worksheets, I wasn't ready to talk but nonetheless I went.

"Hi Rose, how are you?"

"I'm good, I got exciting news."

" oh?"

"My wedding is in two weeks."

"That's amazing, I'm so excited for y'all. How are you really doing?"

"Honestly I'm a mess. While the voices have quieted down some, my thoughts still tend to run. I did end up doing the worksheets. They were really helpful."

"I'm glad to hear the worksheets were helpful. What kind of thoughts?"

"Just the abandonment issues mostly, and my self image. Sometimes I don't even know who I am. I question everything about me all the time. My hobbies, my likes and dislikes change constantly."

"Why do you think the abandonment issues are so present?"

"I guess because nothing ever this good has happened and when it did they left me. My dad, my mom, my ex's and even my brother."

"You haven't mentioned your brother before."

"Up until I got out of the last psych visit, he and I were deranged. I kinda screwed him over and we haven't talked since. but he was at my welcome home party. we ended up talking it out but it's still raw."