A/N: Someone suggested that I'd do one where Wanda experiences anxiety, so here it is :) I know people experience anxiety differently, so in this one shot, I put some details of what I experience with my own anxiety and panic attacks. Trigger warnings are below!
TW: Extreme panic attack, anxiety, accidental self-harm (skin-picking and head banging)
Wanda attempted to focus on the blasting music, but all she could think of was the wave of nausea that was overcoming her.
Tony's parties were not something she was fond of, but he always insisted that the Avengers come to boost up his 'party creds.' Although Natasha repeatedly told her she didn't have to come, she sucked it up and put on a red dress that framed the top of her figure and flowed at the bottom.
She was doing well until a few minutes ago when her anxiety decided to come to light. Wanda had always been known to have some sort of anxiety symptoms, but it wasn't until a few weeks ago when she was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and panic disorder. There were multiple things that could set her off. Some as little as sitting in a room and the sounds of the TV blasting and people talking could become too much and others like the worry of having nightmares of her deceased brother, Pietro, causing her to lose sleep. Sometimes, there wasn't anything that should make her anxious, yet her body seemed to be on constant alert.
Only Natasha and Steve knew of her anxiety and panic disorder because Wanda was too embarrassed about telling the others even though Steve and Natasha kept telling her that they wouldn't see her differently. It was just something her anxiety told her.
The noise of the loud music that surrounded her in the room was suffocating. The voices of the chattering people were obnoxious. There was hardly any room to move, yet the space was too big and all she wanted was to escape. She felt her breathing pick up. It was soft at first, but then it became rapid. She breathed in through her nose, out through her mouth, just as her throat began to close up. She smiled at the people who were talking to her as she walked by, the voices overpowering the actual conversations.
She moved through the room, her eyes looking for Natasha, but it was hard when tears blurred her vision. When she couldn't find the red head, she began to look for anybody she could recognize. There were just too many people. She hardly felt herself gasping for air as she looked for an exit. She located a door, but it felt so far away. She had to force her stiff body to move as she felt frozen in place. Her head pounded and everything was too much. Just too much. She needed Natasha. Steve. Someone she trusted. But she felt so alone, and her mind began wondering if she could be saved.
*
Natasha was talking to Clint about his kids. It was a topic Natasha loved. She loved his kids to death. Her eyes suddenly caught sight of a figure moving quickly through the crowd, and she soon recognized it as her girlfriend. She watched as she struggled to make it through the door. She had to go to her.
"He's been getting so big. It's crazy. He's going to be just like m-" Clint rambled before he was stopped.
"I'm sorry. I have to go," Natasha said as she began walking away.
"Is everything ok?" Clint asked, concerned.
"Yeah. Just have to take care of something."
Natasha practically ran to the door she saw Wanda exit out of, ignoring the confused glances. She walked down the hall, looking for Wanda.
"Wanda?" Natasha called out. She got no answer, but she heard banging in the hallway next to her.
She quickly went to where the noise was, and what she saw broke her heart. Wanda was gasping for air, tears pouring out of her eyes, only making it harder to breathe. Her head was jerking violently, one of the more extreme symptoms of her anxiety, and her hand was absent-mindedly picking at her skin, leaving marks.
"Hey, Wands," Natasha approached her as gently as she could. She tried not to freak out because she knew that only made Wanda's anxiety worse. She kneeled down to Wanda's level, taking her hand. "I need you to breathe with me." She led her through breathing exercises, only seeing little improvement. Natasha carefully placed her other hand behind Wanda's head to keep it from hitting the wall as her head tremors continued. "It's ok."
Wanda whimpered, her hand tightening her grip on Natasha's. "Tasha. Tasha, I'm scared. I'm scared," she stuttered.
"I know, baby. Just keep breathing. I know it sucks."
Natasha hummed a Russian lullaby that she knew Wanda loved, helping ease Wanda back down. Wanda eventually got to a normal breathing pace, but Natasha could still tell she was in a panic attack.
"My body. It feels like it's on fire," Wanda said, tugging at her dress. "I want to go, Tasha. I don't want to be here."
"Ok, let's go. Can you stand?" Natasha asked.
Wanda attempted to stand up, but almost fell. Natasha quickly caught her, lifted her into arms in a bridal style. She felt Wanda lay her sweaty head between her neck and shoulder. Even though Wanda was shivering, she felt so hot.
"Nat, I feel like I'm going to throw up," Wanda whimpered.
"We're almost there, baby."
As soon as they were out of the elevator, Natasha walked quickly to her room. She immediately took Wanda to the bathroom after hearing Wanda gag and sat her down in front of the toilet where she emptied everything that was in her stomach. When she was finished, Natasha helped her take off her dress, leaving Wanda in her bra and underwear.
"Why am I like this?" Wanda whispered once her body calmed down. "Why do I have to be scared all the time?"
"Truthfully, I don't know. I think this is just the way your body is trying to protect you. It thinks it's helping you without knowing the consequences of the panic it's causing you."
"I hate it."
"I know you do. But it will get better. Once you learn how to cope, it will all be ok," Natasha told her.
"Promise?"
"I pinky promise," Natasha held out her pinky, letting Wanda link her own pinky around hers. "Let's get you into a cold bath."
Wanda nodded, allowing Natasha to take off her undergarments and help her into the bathtub. Wanda finally relaxed as her body touched the cool water and Natasha's hands carefully poured water into her hair before cleaning it with shampoo and conditioner. She let Wanda wash her body and Wanda felt her body grow exhausted after the events of the panic attack.
Natasha lifted her out of the bath, getting her dressed and prepped for bed, doing the same for herself after Wanda laid in bed. Wanda searched through the TV, looking for a good channel to put on as Natasha came out with a small medicine cup filled with pills. Wanda never liked taking pills but having Natasha to hold her hand made it better.
She settled into Natasha's arms once she swallowed the medicine that would kick in within thirty minutes and played with her girlfriend's fingers. She winced at the marks she made earlier at her skin-picking, feeling insecure. Natasha lifted her chin to look at her eyes and smiled.
"You're so beautiful," Natasha said, making Wanda blush and hide her face in Natasha's chest. "Go to sleep, Wands. I can tell how tired you are."
Wanda got comfortable, tightening her arms around her girlfriend before mumbling, "Thank you."
"No need to thank me, Detka. I'd do anything for you. Goodnight," Natasha replied, asking FRIDAY to turn off the lights before falling asleep to the sound of Wanda's now restful breathing and the corny sitcoms playing in the background. Just how she liked it.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave suggestions :)
