I've said I feel indefinite. Indefinite meaning vague or unexpressed. It's because I'm feeling so many things at once,happiness,sadness,jealousy, anger,joy,fear,that I don't know what I WANT to feel when I'm already feeling everything. This cocktail of emotions doesn't go well with me. Since I have no moderate control over how I feel,these feelings come out when I'm most upset or when I can't control it. Everything pours out and it's a tidal wave of emotion and it's washed away most relationships I've had. I'm not saying just with women but with friends also,they do something that I think is wrong or not nice and they think I'm being too sensitive. That I'm being a baby. I speak my mind and tell the truth but it comes across as being gay or being a baby who can't take a joke. For years I've defended that side of myself and no one sees it unless they absolutely need it and even then it's dangerous because it's so pent up you don't know what you are going to get out of me. For the women? I've been labeled as clingy mostly. Ive never successfully had a woman for long because of that,im young so there's plenty of times of trying that's both good and bad. "People" have said that I have the real ability to sweep girls off their feet and make them feel magical. Honestly that sounds like an ad for tampax or for a company that sells leggings,the person that said that should get a job doing tags for Ad agency. I don't blame them for saying that because I don't deny that I can do that. I do have the ability to make a girl feel magical or "better" in my words. The only thing that is stopping me is my own self consciousness. It's a terrible and beautiful thing what your own mind can make you think.
YOU ARE READING
"Diary"
RandomI've done diaries in the past but I got the urge to do one again because of mad men. I went straight to the episode of don on his own in his apartment ,writing down his thoughts.
