I have no words to explain how I feel indefinitely. I have extreme feelings for a woman that I'm being led to believe,has feelings for me. My social life is a mess,with my friends being who they are but I'm finding myself angry at the the fact that they aren't serious when they should be. At the same time my family says I'm too serious for them and I should relax. I'm always tense. But people see me as the easy going creative person I've been. On the inside,people don't know the great turmoil or pain I guess....I feel. I've never been a fan of being led on because Im too serious about love and affection. That scares people it seems. They are not accustom to it,they believe love is a fickle bitch that runs out your door the next morning unbeknownst to you. I don't believe to be a cynic but I've been called one because i wasn't hopeful in one moment. That is incredibly false. I'm a hopeful and faithful person on the inside but I know when im beat. The difference between that guy and the guy who BELIEVES it's the end,is one who knows the outcome before the other one does and that is a sad thing. The man who doesn't know the outcome hasn't been ripped of hope or happiness yet. He calmly and quietly lives his life before he knows he can't anymore and at that moment,you are not okay. "You can see the fear in their eyes" that expression is true but it's also true to the men and women who have other things there. You can see in their eyes when someone doesn't have hope,sadness,happiness,despair. You can visibly see it,it flows out of them and into what they do and who they are around. It's gone and they don't know it because they believe it's normal to lose emotion. I've seen kids these days lose emotion to other kids because they've loved with an open heart or they had faith in other people but in the end the other person crushed what they felt and it's gotten to be so normal....the world doesn't treat any different. The world used to blink or react better at the fact of a suicide or something worse. People used to be more better of themselves.
YOU ARE READING
"Diary"
AcakI've done diaries in the past but I got the urge to do one again because of mad men. I went straight to the episode of don on his own in his apartment ,writing down his thoughts.
