Can't Seem To Hide It

In Her Own World

Chapter 9: 

The morning after her grueling practice session, Paige woke up with a lingering sense of dread. The embarrassment from the night before, the video of her sleep-talking about Azzi, and the teasing from her teammates—it all swirled together, creating a storm of anxiety that she couldn't seem to shake.

As she got ready for practice, Paige noticed a pit in her stomach that hadn't been there before. Every time she thought about facing her teammates, she felt her heart rate spike. What if they were still laughing behind her back? What if they thought less of her for letting her feelings slip so openly?

Paige tried to brush it off, telling herself it was just in her head, but the feeling wouldn't go away. She put on a brave face as she headed to the gym, but the second she walked in, she felt all eyes on her.

It didn't help that as soon as she entered the locker room, she heard Jana and Ice giggling together. They stopped when they saw her, but Paige's anxiety flared up, convincing her that they had been laughing about her.

She forced a smile, but it felt strained, and as the team warmed up for practice, Paige couldn't shake the feeling that everyone was watching her, judging her. The more she thought about it, the worse it got. Every glance, every whisper, every laugh felt like it was directed at her, even if she knew deep down that wasn't the case.

---

As practice started, Paige struggled to find her rhythm. Usually, she was the one leading the drills, pushing herself and her teammates to be better. But today, she felt off-balance, like she was moving through quicksand. Her movements were sluggish, her passes imprecise, and her focus was all over the place.

Coach noticed immediately, blowing the whistle to stop the drill. "Paige, you alright? You're not yourself today."

Paige forced a nod, trying to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks. "Yeah, I'm fine, Coach."

Coach gave her a skeptical look but didn't push it. The drill continued, but Paige's mind wasn't on the court. She was too caught up in her own thoughts, her own anxieties.

When the team took a water break, Paige found herself pulling away from the group, her usual easygoing nature replaced by a tight, uncomfortable feeling in her chest. She grabbed her headphones from her bag, putting them on to drown out the noise of the gym and the chatter of her teammates.

As soon as the music filled her ears, Paige felt a small sense of relief. The world around her faded, leaving only the beat of the music and the rhythm of her own thoughts. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep her anxiety at bay.

For the rest of practice, Paige kept to herself, her headphones acting as a barrier between her and the rest of the team. She didn't join in the usual banter, didn't crack jokes, didn't even look up from her phone during breaks. She just focused on the music, trying to keep the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment and anxiety at bay.

---

Her teammates started to notice the change. Azzi, in particular, was concerned. She knew Paige was struggling after the incident in the living room, but this was different. Paige had always been the heart of the team, the one who kept everyone's spirits high, but now it seemed like she was retreating into herself.

During a drill, Azzi pulled Paige aside. "Hey, what's going on with you? You've been really quiet today."

Paige looked down, avoiding Azzi's eyes. "Nothing, I'm just... tired, I guess."

Azzi frowned, not buying it. "Paige, you're not just tired. You're acting like you don't even want to be here. What's really going on?"

Paige hesitated, her hand unconsciously tightening around her water bottle. "I just... I feel like everyone's staring at me, like they're all laughing at me. I know it's stupid, but I can't help it."

Azzi's expression softened, and she reached out to squeeze Paige's shoulder. "No one's laughing at you, Paige. Yeah, the dream thing was funny, but no one's making fun of you. We all care about you too much for that."

Paige finally looked up, meeting Azzi's eyes. "I know that, but I can't shake this feeling. It's like I'm stuck in my own head, and I don't know how to get out."

Azzi nodded, understanding. "Maybe it's time to talk to Coach. You don't have to deal with this alone, Paige. We're all here for you, but you've got to let us in."

Paige nodded slowly, realizing that Azzi was right. She couldn't keep hiding behind her headphones, couldn't keep shutting herself off from the people who cared about her. But even as she acknowledged that, the anxiety still lingered, a constant, nagging presence that she couldn't seem to shake.

For the rest of practice, Paige tried to push through, but the weight of her anxiety made it hard to focus. She kept her headphones on during breaks, retreating into her music whenever she felt the panic rising again.

---

By the end of practice, Paige was exhausted—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. She knew she couldn't keep going like this, but the thought of confronting her fears head-on was terrifying.

As the team gathered their things and headed out, Azzi walked beside Paige, her concern evident. "You want to talk more later? Maybe we can figure this out together."

Paige appreciated the offer, but she wasn't sure she was ready. "Maybe," she said softly, her voice barely audible over the music in her ears.

Azzi didn't push, just gave her a supportive smile. "I'm here whenever you're ready, okay?"

Paige nodded, grateful for Azzi's understanding, but as she walked back to the dorm, the anxiety still clung to her like a shadow. She knew she had to face it eventually, but for now, all she wanted was to drown it out with her music and forget about the rest of the world, even if just for a little while.