"What do you mean?" Siobhan said, stepping away from Vivian's embrace. Vivian had just filled Siobhan in on her current plan. However, she hadn't thought too far into the plan. It was choppy; it was hard to explain. "It's not going to work, Vivian; I can't go back there." Siobhan was panicking at this point. Tears stung her eyes.
"Baby, baby," Vivian said softly. "I know, I'm sorry I can't offer you more right now, but it's a start." All Vivian wanted to do in this moment was hold Siobhan to try and comfort her, but she knew that if she did try to do this, it would probably worsen things for Siobhan. It was better to try and give her some physical space right now while offering her words, to try and soothe the girl's worries. Vivian understood that everybody had different experiences that resulted in different needs, this was what siobhan needed.
Siobhan paced in the common room for a minute, her gaze glued to the floor; she couldn't bear to look anywhere else. Vivian was patient, she waited until Siobhan was ready.
"Explain it again, please?" Siobhan asked, stopping to look at Vivian. Even when she was in a clinic, decked out in ward-issued clothes consisting of baggy tops and baggy jogging bottoms, Vivian still thought Siobhan was the most gorgeous thing. She didn't focus too much on looks, generally speaking, but she found Siobhan to be absolutely stunning. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, allowing Vivian to really take in the craftsmanship of her face. It was a stark contrast to the first time the pair really spent anytime together; Siobhan used her hair that day to prevent anyone from really looking at her. But the fear that Siobhan carried around with her, had dissipated as she spent time in the clinic. She wasn't scared of him in there. She really did believe that she was safe in here.
"Okay," Vivian took a deep breath in as she sank into the beanbag chair behind her. "After speaking with Marjorie, I found out the plans regarding a 'takeover.' If Autumn and Reece can secure enough board votes, they will be in charge of the nurseries. Essentially, Roger would be out of a job." Siobhan had slowly made her way closer to Vivian, indicating she wanted to be closer to the nurse. Vivian rested her hand on the back of Siobhan's thigh, encouraging her to sit down. She did. She found herself comfortable in Vivian's lap, like she had done so many times before. "Baby, the board can take everything away from that man, we can leave him with nothing, and then we can figure out the rest of it from there. We can name and shame him, or go to the police. His reputation will have been destroyed, and no one will have any reason to believe him." Vivian said, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"You're going to be okay; whatever you decide to do, I'll be by your side. But right now, darling, I think this is the best chance we have." It was at this point that Vivian had noticed the tears falling down Siobhan's cheeks. "Oh baby, I know you must be feeling a bit scared right now." Siobhan maintained her silence, but she tightened her hold on Vivian; her hands had found their way to the back of Vivian's neck.
"It's okay, my love, I'm not going anywhere," Vivian cooed into her ear, noticing Siobhan's mannerisms.
"I can't lose you, I can't live without you," Siobhan managed. "I don't want to, I can't. If I have to go back to him—Vivian, i wont survive it again." Siobhan knew rationally, that if she had to go back to Roger, there would be a time frame where everything would be okay between them again. She didn't want to pretend she loved him though, she knew she loved Vivian; all she wanted to do was love Vivian.
She knew love existed because Vivian existed.
She knew that she was capable of being loved because Vivian had proved it to her time and time again.
Siobhan knew that she was able to love because she was full of love for Vivian.
"You are the most beautiful thing, Siobhan," Vivian said, caressing the girl's jaw, causing Siobhan to smile a bit. All Siobhan wanted to do was kiss her, but she held back. She was content right now, just looking at vivian. She could look at her for lifetimes and not get bored. "I'm not going anywhere; as long as youll have me, ill be here. Come on, let that pretty brain of yours calm down a bit."
...
Siobhan grew up with fairytales, most of the stories she remembers from her childhood had some kind of happy ending. She grew up waiting for hers. She lost interest in stories during her teenage years, and only became reacquainted with the idea of a happy ending while working in the nursery. And even that wasn't down to the fairytales necessarily. Everyone in that nursery had found their forever person, or they'd found their happy ending.
Looking back, Siobhan felt cheated. Roger had stolen her youth along with everything else. He was greedy when it came to Siobhan and had taken everything from her, but he had promised her heaven. She was never going to get her happy ending with Roger, but she had come to accept this. She accepted that there was something inherently threatening about her heart, everything changed when she let him get close enough to feel her beating heart. At one point, her heart beat for the man. That was before he had decided to take everything from her, before he had started treating her like a lethal weapon.
If he tasted poison, why didn't he spit her out? If she had warranted so much anger and needed correction, why did he keep her around? The memories of their relationship and what got Siobhan to where she was right now caused such an intense conflict in her mind.
There was still a chance, though. Where the start of their relationship isn't exactly a perfect fairytale, she could still have a happy ending with Vivian. If the stars aligned properly, if everything could just fall into place, Vivian could be her happy ending. She would be happy that way. She would be happy anywhere in the world with Vivian.
She thought about their lives a lot—I mean, having spent three weeks in the clinic, left Siobhan with a lot of free time, and she spent that thinking of Vivian. It was how she found peace. She thought about what their lives would be like if she had met Vivian first; maybe they would have a small apartment somewhere. They would spend a lot of time at the beach in Siobhan's mind. Peaceful and idyllic. Siobhan knows that Vivian would be the type to show Siobhan off to her friends, except with Vivian it would be with no ulterior motive. She would just want people to see Siobhan how she does. They would go on silly outings together, just to enjoy eachothers company and to surround themselves with each other's love. They would have a child, Siobhan would've never lost her baby. They would have everything they ever wanted together. Siobhan would be happy. She was happy with Vivian. She would have everything she wanted with Vivian. She would have her happy ending.
Let me have my happy ending. Please.
