TW: mentions of suicide, abuse and miscarriage
Siobhan's demeanour shifted entirely when she was back at 'home' with Roger. She was counting down the seconds until the board meeting. Counting down the seconds until she would finally be free from him.
Roger had changed as well. He wasn't exactly a spring chicken. The man was bordering on mid-sixties, but he didn't always look old. His hair was greying, and his posture was slowly showing signs of his age. It had been a month, and he didn't stand so proudly. He no longer carried his aggressive demeanour or stance. It was weird to see him so soft and fragile-looking.
He was overly affectionate the first night she was home. He waited on her hand and foot. It made Siobhan wonder. Could people actually change? Were people capable of becoming completely depolluted of all evil? Not that it mattered if Roger was only capable of being nice to her when something major had happened. Vivian would love her regardless; they were both aware of their instantaneous connection from the first time they had met.
It was insane to Siobhan that Vivian was able to see straight through her. It was also kind of scary, how well Vivian could read her. She knew instantly that what people had known of Siobhan wasn't the complete truth. She had depth, and there was so much to learn about her. She was willing to take the time to learn everything about her. Already, Siobhan missed her.
She missed her that night as well. When Roger's true intentions came to light, when she had to lie there and accept it, she missed Vivian. She didn't want to waste her energy fighting him. She didn't want to make things worse for herself, not when she was this close. She was so close to being free from his clutches. It all depended on whether or not it would go well. She didn't want to give him any reason to hurt her.
She sat in the bath after it happened. She sat there and cried. She wouldn't last long here, not this time. It was a matter of time before she would wind up dead at his hands. The hot water stung her body. Yeah, it burned her. But that was all superficial compared to the way his words and actions seared into her flesh and bones.
"I'm glad you're back, honey," Roger said over the breakfast table the following morning. "Let's not pull another stunt like that again, it was a bit insensitive towards me, aye?"
Insensitive? Towards you? How on earth was it insensitive towards you?
She stayed silent.
"We all know why you did it, doll, you just wanted a bit of attention," he said, sliding his hand under her skirt.
Attention? Really? You don't think there was any part of me that wanted to die. You have no idea how many times I died, to rise the next day and continue accepting you.
She felt bile burning in the back of her throat, as his rough hands touched her. She hated the pet name doll, it was too focused on her appearance. He was too focused on her appearance.
"That reminds me, the kids have called a board meeting for tomorrow. You need to keep up appearances."
Oh yeah, the board meeting.
"Maybe one day, when you and I marry, you will get to carry my child."
This phrase scared Siobhan more than she cared to admit. She couldn't marry him. There was no way she would. And, she had already carried his child, even if it was only for a brief period. She could have had his child if he hadn't caused her to miscarry.
Roger took her out that day. He was glad to have his trophy back. He paraded her around and showed her off to those around them. She wished she was numbed for this. Numbed by anything. But she craved the one kind of numbness that provided her with solace every time he was around.
But she had made a promise; she had promised Vivian that she wouldn't go back there. She had come so far; she was now clean. However, just because you're clean doesn't mean you don't miss it.
The day came to a close, and all she could think about was the drugs. And what will tomorrow bring? He had made it abundantly clear that he didn't trust Siobhan, but when did he ever? Her brain had been in overdrive all day. What if it didn't work? What if they couldn't outvote him? He would kill her if he found out about the plan. She knew this. But she didn't want to die yet. She couldn't die yet, she had her whole life to live. She wanted to experience her great love with Vivian, and she wanted to. She wanted to show the world that she was a great person and that she could be a good mother. And she desperately wanted to prove that she could be a good wife. She didn't want to be his wife, though. She didn't want to "work" for his love when she knew that Vivian found it so easy to love her.
She lay in bed beside him. She couldn't stay here, though. She knew she couldn't settle in the unsafe nature of their bed. The only times she had ever felt safe in their bed was when she was high, but she made a promise. She lay still for an hour until she knew he was completely asleep. She rolled over and checked her phone; it was gone at midnight at this point. She climbed out of bed and headed downstairs. She logged into the nursery app. She knew it was a complete breach of Vivian's privacy, but she was desperate. She was desperate for the air that had brought her back to life.
She found Vivian's address pretty quickly. She knew it was wrong. But she wasn't thinking rationally. She needed Vivian; she needed Vivian before she died. She was going to die if this plan faltered.
She left her phone on the kitchen counter and left.
