An: I fucking hate Google docs on my phone. So irritating.
It had been two weeks. Two weeks have passed since the change in nursery owner. Reece and Autumn Knight were now the co-owners of the Knight nursery. Nobody had heard from Roger; no one knew where he had gone. But he had gone. The embarrassment of the situation was clearly too much for him to handle.
He wasn't the only one to feel embarrassed. Siobhan was also embarrassed. So embarrassed that she refused to leave her hotel room. She felt embarrassed by her outburst towards roger. She is sure that in that moment, she was willing to do anything she could to destroy his reputation. But in retrospect, she couldnt help but think she had destroyed her own.
She refused to see Vivian. She had been refusing to see Vivian since the day of the meeting. She felt humiliated by the way she had broken down. She didn't want to feel as if she was relying on Vivian. She didn't want to force Vivian to watch her ruin herself. She loved Vivian too much to do that.
Siobhans days in the hotel were the same. When she woke up, if she slept, she would shuffle around for her phone. She did eventually go back to get it, but the way she broke down in the foyer of her shared mansion with roger was not something she wanted to face again. If her phone was charged, she would order room service. Two large coffees, americanos. It was simple, no sugars no milk.
She didn't want the memories she had associated with a cappuccino. There was a time where she was sharing a coffee with Vivian, and the foam of the cappuccino created a milk moustache, and Vivian's reaction was priceless. Vivian drank some of her own drink to match Siobhan when she saw the embarrassment on the blondes face. The two laughed for what felt like hours. Siobhan missed Vivian dearly; the echoes of their shared laughter were the last piece of warmth she had in her cold heart.
Siobhan would chug the first Americano on the hotel balcony. Because at least that way she got some sun. She felt as if it wasn't that bad if she got some sun. She would find herself in bed with the second coffee and stare mindlessly at the voice messages left on her phone. Most were from the new owners, or from vivian, trying to gauge how the blonde was doing. She would listen to the ones from vivian on repeat. To find some kind of comfort in her voice. Some of the voice messages were from spas and salons confirming appointments siobhan had booked in her sleep. She would always call these places back to cancel the appointments. She hated this; she didn't like talking to people.
She would take a bath at the same time every day. The time that housekeeping would come in to freshen up her room. She would lie there in the bath, just thinking. She didn't want to think, this was her least favourite part of the day.
She loved catching whiffs of the fresh linens as she emerged from the bathroom. There was something so refreshing about being clean and getting into a clean bed. She wondered what this said about her. She felt numbed by everything that had occurred, and she tried to avoid human interaction at all costs. She felt as if she did not deserve to have any human interaction, despite her almost painful cravings. Sometimes she would write letters, much like the letter Vivian had given Siobhan in rehab.
She watched as the sun died and the moon turned grey and cold every day. She seldom slept, and when she did, it was either a result of exhaustion or from where she couldn't bear the noise of her own brain and desperately tried to quieten it. She was still sober from her drug of choice. This was a good thing, she knew Vivian would be proud of her for doing so. But that didn't mean she didn't think about drugs a lot. She came close a few nights, to just ringing Vivian and telling her that she had cravings. But she didn't want to intrude. Some of the nights she slept, it was a result of hotel-priced wine. It gave her a comforting warmth.
Vivian, on the other hand, was growing increasingly concerned. She took Siobhan to the hotel the night after the meeting, as per the woman's request. What she didn't realise, however, was that Siobhan was essentially going to have no contact with the world around her. She worried about her. She rang the hotel every evening to see if the woman from room 502 had left. She hadn't.
Vivian had found a babysitter for Jamie so she didn't have to worry about who was picking him up. She found herself at the hotel and stood outside of room 502. She couldn't hear anything, but she had to know if Siobhan was safe.
"Siobhan, hey, it's me," Vivian said lightly knocking on the door. She heard some rustling before someone sat against the door.
"Its okay, baby, can i hear you say something? Just so I know your okay?" Vivian asked softly, sitting against the door. They would've been back to back if there wasn't a door in the way.
"I'm okay"
Thank god.
"I know you're struggling, baby, but i miss you."
"I miss you too Viv" Siobhan managed. Vivian heard Siobhan shuffle around.
And then she fell flat backwards into the hotel room. She looked up to see Siobhan in a fluffy white robe, with her hands over her mouth, gently stifling a giggle. This didnt stop Vivian from bursting into laughter.
"Hi" Vivian said, standing up as the laughter subsided.
Siobhan found herself between Vivian's arms. She replied with a small "hi."
Vivian could see the exhaustion clouding the girls vision. She couldn't help but wonder what Siobhan had been up to during the last two weeks had she not slept.
"Hi sweetheart" Vivian said again, stroking the girls hair "I've already said hi haven't I?" She said feeling slightly awkward. Siobhan let out a soft giggle at this.
Vivian shuffled both herself and the girl intertwined, to the bed before gently bringing the blonde into her lap.
"What are you thinking darling? What's wrong?" Vivian offered. Siobhan nestled her head into Vivian's neck.
"He's gone isn't he?" Siobhan asked quietly. Vivian confirmed that nobody had heard from Roger. He was in fact gone.
"I'm scared." Siobhan started "what if I'm just walking around one day and I see him? I can't even fathom what he would do to me this time" her breathing had quickened.
"Baby, as unlikely as that is, I understand your fear. Would you want to do anything about it? Go to the police or something? Whatever you want to do I'll support you" Vivian explained.
Siobhan was unsure, they decided to put a pin in it. It was a conversation they could return to when they were in a better mental state.
"I feel numb, I thought freedom was supposed to be well, freeing. But I don't remember what it's like to be free. I don't know what I used to do with myself, I feel as if I don't have a purpose. Vivian, there's so much I want to do but I've squandered the best part of my adult life. I can't go home, not yet. I'm scared it will still smell of him, or I'll see my own blood at the bottom of the stairs" Siobhan explained the best she could, she felt as if it wasn't good enough though. She felt like she owed Vivian a bigger, deeper explanation to what she was feeling. Hearing the words fly out of her mouth only made her feel more insecure, and more pathetic.
She went quiet as she was stuck in her own thoughts.
"Siobhan, I know your having big feelings, but I wish you'd let me in, a problem shared is a problem halved right? And all I want to do is help you." Vivian said stroking the girl's back.
"Baby this isn't healthy, you can't spend your whole life in this hotel room." Siobhan was quiet.
"Tonight, you'll come home with me. I think you need some human interaction and some sleep. We'll figure out the rest from there, even if that means alternating nights here and days elsewhere. I think you need to be busy." Vivian wasn't the best at coming up with plans off the cuff. But she knew that she could figure out the rest later.
"Thank you" Siobhan managed.
"For what?" Vivian answered.
"Coming to check on me, I'm sorry about not answering your calls and such."
"Baby it's okay, I just wanted to make sure you were okay" Vivian answered.
