Maybe Next Time

Chapter 24

Nagising ako nang may marinig akong ingay sa baba. At first, I thought it was just another sound from the street outside, but as I lay there in the quiet, the voices became clearer. Nag-aaway sina Mamang at Papang. My heart sank.

I tiptoed out of bed, the cold floor sending shivers up my spine as I made my way to the door. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but their voices were too loud to ignore.

“Sinabi ko na kasi sa iyo noon pa na hindi 'yan ang gusto kong course para sakaniya. Wala raw iyong board exam sabi ng tito niya!” papang's voice broke through the silence, filled with frustration.

“Walang board exam 'yang business administration na course niya! Mahihirapan siyang maghanap ng trabaho! Saan siya pupulutin? Sana kasi ay pinilit mong ituloy yung pagiging accountant niya!”

I froze, my heart pounding in my chest. I could feel the sting of his words, sharp and cutting like a knife. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard him express his disappointment, but it was the first time it hit me so deeply.

I had chosen this path because I believed in it, because I thought it could be something I was good at, wala rin naman akong choice, ito lang yung pwede kong kunin sa scholarship ko. But hearing his words now, I felt small, insignificant. Ang sakit.

“Walang board exam,” the words echoed in my mind, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

“Wala naman yan sa kung merong board exam or wala. Depende pa rin yan sa diskarte ng anak mo. Ano ka ba naman,” my mom’s voice, softer but firm, interrupted. “Hindi porket walang board exam yung pinili niyang course ay hindi na siya magiging successful! Ang kailangan ng anak mo ay suporta at hindi pagdududa. Ginagawa na nga ni Zaylee ang lahat. Ni-hindi nga tayo nahirapan sa pagbabayad ng tuition niya dahil iskolar naman ang anak mo.”

"Hindi kaya mahirapan siya sa paghahanap ng trabaho?!” Dad snapped back, and I could hear the frustration and fear laced in his voice. “Matalino siyang bata. Sana naman ay pumili siya nang maayos na course. Iyon bang may maipagmamalaki siya.”

I leaned against the wall, struggling to hold back my tears. Every word felt like a blow to my heart. Alam ko namang ang makakabuti lang para sa akin ang iniisip ni papang, but his words felt like he was rejecting everything I was working so hard for.

I had always been the obedient daughter, the one who tried to meet his expectations, but this time I had chosen for myself, and it felt like a mistake.

Mamang’s voice softened, “Wag ka kasing nagpapaniwala d'yan sa mga kamag-anak mo. Kay Zaylee ka magtiwala. Gaya nga ng sabi mo, matalino siya. Kahit hindi man Accountancy ang course niya ngayon, alam ko namang magiging maayos ang buhay niya.”

There was a long silence, the kind that makes your chest tighten with anticipation. I wiped away a tear that had escaped, trying to steady my breath. But the weight of the argument, of their disappointment, felt crushing.

Hindi ko na kayang makinig pa. I slowly backed away from the door, my heart heavy with a sadness I couldn’t shake. I returned to my bed and curled up under the covers, my tears silently soaking the pillow.

I had always known that papang had doubts about my course, but hearing it like this, it shattered something inside me. I wanted to prove to him that I could make something of myself, that Business Administration was more than just a fallback, na hindi lang ito puro tinda-tinda, that I could succeed on my own terms. Hindi lang talaga nila nakikita yung potential ng course ko. But now, all I felt was doubt, creeping in like a cold wind, chilling me to the bone.

I wished I could be stronger, that I could shrug off his words, but they were like a weight around my heart. All I wanted was to make them proud, to show them that I could find my own way. But now, all I could feel was the overwhelming fear na baka nga hindi ako maging successful. Na nasira ko yung pangarap ni papang na makitang maging topnotcher ako.