Blue Moon (gxg)

"I feel like a stranger." (30)

"You said that you hate to admit that you like your job... why?"

Bella swallowed as her chest moved in a hesitantly way, then rested her chin on the back of her hand.
Her pose when she was nervous about something...

"Being a women working in a society founded by two men is not exactly easy... peolple will never fully get you seriously, Ellie." She affirmed.

"I can understand that..." I whispered.

Bella remained silent as if she was pondering about something.

I leaned over as as I gently squeezed her arm.
"I think you are doing an amazing job, Bella. If their society it's going this well it's also thanks to you. You should be proud of yourself." I affirmed.

Bella's cheeks blushed slightly.
She smiled faintly, although her expression remained serious.
"Even if I do like it... this job has complicated everything."

Now I had too many questions, but was I allowed to ask them?

Bella gently moved a strand of her red hair behind the ear:
"When Leo begged me to take this job in their society he said that we would have spend more time together..."
She sighed briefly: "I found out this is not exactly true."

Hmm...
I can tell she was trying to contain herself now.

"Many things has driven us even further apart. Not that we were close before." She stated.

This is like the first time Bella talks about her... boyfriend.
Shit.
I still don't if this is a good thing or if this just makes me nervous.

"Can I tell you something?"
She nervously ran her fingers over a tissue, then lowered her gaze.
I leaned my body over the table to get closer to her: "Sure, go on..."

Bella looked straight into my eyes.
"When I'm with him, with Leo... I feel like a stranger. I feel like he doesn't know me." She suddenly sentenced, more confident than ever.

Those last words were like blades in my chest.
I understand exactly how Bella feel, because I feel the same when I am with Joe.

This is terrible.

Bella's eyes on me as she was trying to understand my thoughts.
"Did it happen to you too?" She asked me.

I wondered if she read my mind...
I nodded silently.

"How do you cope with that?" She asked desperately.

I don't have the courage to speak.
Or to cope reality.

"You get used to it ... at some point." I spoke under my breath.
I didn't have the courage to look her in the eyes.

"I don't want to get used to it. I don't want that." Bella affirmed immediately.
Her voice was dry and cold.

She had the courage to say it—I was not ready yet.

I breathed in and I breathed out deeply.
"Can I ask you a question?" I stammered.
Bella nodded in my direction.

"How well do you know Joe?"
I don't know where I found the courage to ask her that question, but I asked it anyway.

There was a brief silence.
"Not that much." She answered far too politely for me to understand that something was going on...

"Okay. But I guess you still have... an opinion about him..." I insisted.

I hope this is not going in the wrong way....

She sighed nervously, as she crossed her arms.
"I won't lie to you, Ellie, we are not fans of each other."

This doesn't surprise me, somehow.
But I wanted to knew more.

"I need more details, Bella..." I begged her.

She shrugged her shoulders: "I guess we have two completely different point of views... at work..."

Her voice concealed something, something unspoken... or maybe this was just one of my stupid thought that was making me think things that had no basis.

"I'm really trying to figure this out..." I whispered.
Bella raised an eyebrow in a surprised yet satisfied way: "Why do you care so much?"

I nervously ticked the table with my index finger:.
"Because... it's just... I'm just curious..."

Was it really just this?
Because, her opinion is important to me.

"He is a full of himself and arrogant." Bella suddenly affirmed.
No signs of fear of doubt in the way she spoke.
"And sometimes he comes over badly." She added, blinking twice.

"What does that means?" My voice trembled.

She furrowed her eyebrows.
"I can't tell you the exact moment, Ellie. It's a series of things that he says or he does that make me think that—and it's not justifiable anyway."

I was too stunned by the way she wasn't afraid to say what she thought.
My heart was pounding as my whole body suddenly stiffened.

I swallowed nervously, my eyes flickered.
"Sometimes he makes mistakes with words... he becomes someone he is not..." I stammered.

I stared at the empty plate in front of me, like the emptiness I was feeling inside my head.

"Or maybe he's just like that." Bella affirmed. Again without the slightest fear in saying what she was thinking.

Tension was coming through as our sighs covered the silence.
Maybe too proud to speak.

I wondered what was inside her eyes when she looked at me smiling and then suddenly became serious—almost haunted.
Was it because of Joe? Or because of me?

I knew inside of me that she was right about Joe.
But I didn't talk anyway.
I was still too weak...

"Ellie, maybe you struggle to understand it because you—"
Bella tried to speak but then she abruptly interrupted herself.

She was suddenly sad and hurt about something. And my heart skipped a beat.
She clenched her jaw as her hand grabbed nervously her drink.

I could clearly see that she did't want to continue what she meant to say.
And I had no intention to continue her sentence too.

Was Bella thinking I love him? That I don't see Joe's flaws and toxicity because I was in love with him?

I still don't know what to say about that.
I still don't have to courage to admit it.

I lowered my head, too afraid to confront her.
Bella was still breathing heavily, and I could feel her gaze on me.

The waiter interrupted us by bringing our food.

I lowered my gaze to the food that was on my plate as I sighed slowly and heavy.
I think Bella has noticed that as I was starting to have a hard time hiding it from her.

Hiding... my problem with food.

A/N
Hii it's mee. I think this story is starting to get some hard times for our characters...
Next chapter will be tough 😭