Blue Moon (gxg)

"Know it's for the better." (44)

Bella took a careful step closer.
"What are you really afraid to lose, Ellie?"
She asked me, her voice low and intense, trying to understand what was beneath the surface.

"Everything..." I whispered.
"I'm terrified of hurting everyone... of losing everything..."
My voice trembled.

"What's to lose?! With that asshole?"
She shot back.
There's a sarcastic laugh in her frustrated tone.

I closed my eyes, passing a nervous hand over my forehead.
"Bella, it's useless to blame others..."

"He is useless. And dumb."
Her voice sharpened again.
"He is so fucking selfish and arrogant and I can go on and on– and I will."

A knot formed in my stomach.
"Let's not start this..."

"I wasn't even planning on finishing it either."
She stated with a playful yet sharp tone.

I fought back my conflicting emotions.
"You know that I carefully avoided talking about him... and it was better off this way..."

"Why? Because you know that I'm right."

"Because I didn't want to hurt you."
I confessed.

"Everything I saw was enough for me. He lied to you from the beginning, trying to manipulate you and not supporting you in any decision. Did I forget something? I did probably."
The anger bubbled within her.

"Am I this clueless...?"
That was a question more to myself than to her.

"Definitely not."
She answered me.
"It's just more comfortable and easier this way."
She sais with a trace of frustration.

Her statement pierced through my defenses, forcing me to confront something I had been too afraid to face.
"That's probably what I deserve."

Bella did not hesitated a second.
"You deserve better, Ellie. If he understood your true worth, he wouldn't do this to you."

She took a step closer.
"I'm just asking you to do something if you care for me..."

I let out a faint, pained sigh.
"You don't know how much I care for you, that's why I'm doing this..."
I almost cried.

Her eyes flickered as she placed a hand on her chest.
"You don't have to do this. Don't fight it, Ellie. Don't hold it back. Please."

I could feel we both struggling between holding on and letting go.

"Every action I make... will lead to someone suffering or being disappointed. Have you thought about it? Because this thought hants me..."
My throat tightened.

"Yeah– I know that. I guess this is life, this is what you have to do if want to risk something!"

I could feel the sweat inside my palms as my heart raced.

Bella laughed nervously, accompanied by a painful frown.
"This is fun because..." She paused.

"I never heard you say that you love him. Do you?"
The harshness was evident in the rigid set of her jaw.

I cleared my throat, unconsciously trying to mask my nervousness.

"Answer."

"If I don't... doesn't mean that... words are difficult to say sometimes..."
I brusted into a cold sweat.

"Yeah—I guess actions speak louder than words."
Sarcasm in her voice.

"I'm–" I shook my head in distress.
"I'm just facing the reality, Bella. It takes everything in me to admit it."