Blue Moon (gxg)

Invisible Thread (47)

We returned to the beach, I was lying on my chair and my eyes were not pointed at Joe, the sky, or the sea... but at Bella.

I catch her glance, and for a fleeting moment, the world narrows down to just the two of us.

There's a longing in her expression that mirrors my own, but something in her eyes—something sharp and piercing— twists in my chest.
Her jaw suddenly tensed and her whole body stiffened.

Then again she looked away, as if the intensity of our connection is too much to bear.

My pulse quickened, and suddenly the space between us feels suffocating.

These glances, though fleeting, are enough to remind me of what I can't have.
She's caught in the same struggle and that's definitely what I don't want.

I feel so clueless right now.
And empty.

What if seeing each other is making the situation worse?

I still can't get rid of the thought that my  proximity with Bella may lead to further hurt and I want to carry this burden alone... just so she doesn't feel the same pain that I feel.

"Joe... let's go for a swim." My voice came out from my lips with a sense of melancholy.
He didn't need to be told twice.

"Not here..." I whispered, "Let's go further out..."
He smiled, "That's music to my ears, Ellie..."

I stood up, and it takes everything in me not to turn around and look at her one last time.
I almost did, but I didn't.

~

Joe didn't know that every step I took away from her felt like a knife piercing my chest.
But I had to do it.

I looked up for a brief moment, I couldn't see her anymore.
"That's far enough." I faked a smile.

Joe took my hand and started running toward the sea.
As we float in the sea, he's caught up in the moment, his lips pressing against mine with intensity.

"Kid..." He calls me, his hands pulling me closer, enveloping me in a suffocating embrace.

I'm trying to let go of those lingering thoughts about her, but it's just a desperate attempt.

"I can't imagine my life without you, Ellie." He mumbled.
"You're the reason I'm better– without you, I'm lost." He kissed my neck and chest.

"I... really hope this is the right path..." I whispered.
"You mean the wedding?"
"Yes..."
"It's the right thing, kid." He doesn't really listen to me, he keeps kissing my chest.

I pull back a little to look him in the eye.
"I want to believe that things will get better between you and me." I said more seriously.
Joe grinned, "Hm, things are perfectly fine now, Ellie, you should be grateful for that... stop making problems."

Ouch. That hurts.

I let out a whisper that escaped my lips, more desperate than I had imagined.

"You're too sensitive... and it messes things up." He laughed a little.

His voice resonating in my mind like a reproach.
His words stung, but they were filled with just enough poisoned sweetness to leave me doubting my own self.

I sighed.
"I can't do anything about it..."
"All you have to do is stay with me and we're gonna fix it." He affirmed.
He squeezed my hips and kissed me passionately.

I look into his eyes, they are blue, but they don't give me a feeling of warmth.
They are just icy.

My gaze lingered on his short dark blonde hair, his jaw and his thin lips.
I try to trace their outline, but my mind keeps getting clouded by the image of Bella's plump red lips.