𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐇

#.. TWENTY-ONE

hyeongjun stayed the longest out of the three. seungmin left because gunil needed some alone time and jungsu had to go home because he had a curfew.

so hyeongjun and jooyeon were the only ones sitting on the same bench as they did before.

with his legs raised to his chest, hyeongjun laid his head on his knees. "for how long have you struggled with that?" he asked, voice soft and quiet.

jooyeon sighed, crossing his legs as he leaned back. "well... in seventh grade i stole my dad's lighter to burn myself.

he noticed and took it away, so i stayed clean for pretty long. did you know that starving is also a form of self harm?"

the younger didn't look at hyeongjun while he talked, as if he was just spilling all of it out of his mind.

"my parents did notice that i got skinnier, ever since then they make sure i'm eating a lot.

and well, in tenth grade i got the idea to disassemble my pencil sharpener. it's more discreet that way, i thought. i just didn't know that it'd be so addicting..."

jooyeon was ashamed of himself, hyeongjun noticed by the way his body was tense, by the way he played with his hands.

"thank you for telling me..." the elder mumbled, smiling towards his best friend in an encouraging manner.

then it grew quiet again. some birds were chirping far away, the faint sounds of cars driving past disturbing the silence.

"listen, there's something i have to tell you.." hyeongjun then started, putting his legs down on the floor again as he turned to face jooyeon.

this concerned the younger. what could it be? "yeah?"

hyeongjun took a deep breath. why did he say that? all of it happened impulsively, he didn't even want to do that now - confess.

"well, um- god, i'm hoping i'm not ruining anything with what i'm about to say- and- um-"

"hyeongjun" jooyeon's voice pierced through his gibberish, giving him a moment to breathe. breathe in. and out.

"okay so, ever since we were kids i've always thought of you as cool. then i moved away but i never forgot you, joo.

every day i kept wishing to return back here, to spend my day with you. i wasted my whole youth without you, i believe everything would be so much better that way.

then the first school day... i can not describe to you what intense emotions i felt the moment you shouted my name."

hyeongjun was just trying to get it off of his chest, the younger listening attentively with a faint blush on his cheeks.

"i guess what i'm trying to say is - i am in love with you, jooyeon. i always have been..."

the silence after the last word has been spoken was suffocating. jooyeon just looked at him with big astounded eyes, taking some moments to register what he has been told.

was all of this true? jooyeon was not hallucinating, was he?

reaching out, he was surrpised that he indeed touched the soft skin of hyeongjun's cheek. so it was real.

"hyeongjun.." jooyeon mumbled, shaking his head while he cupped the elder's cheek.

"you shouldn't love me.." he mumbled. "i'm not- well- i'm not the person you wanna be around.

all i do is- is drain people and make them feel miserable. i'm not the right person to love, hyeongjun. i'll end up disappointing you.

you deserve someone who is stable, someone who doesn't force your relarionship into long-distance because of stays at the clinic.."

this time it was hyeongjun, who shook his head. tears pooled in his eyes.

"i don't care about any of this, joo!" he stated, tears threatening to slip out. "i know what i want and i want you and only you!

i deserve you, jooyeon. because you're the best person to exist in my whole life.

and why would it bother me to go "long-distance" when i know that my boyfriend is at a place, where he gets taken care of?

i love you and that's what counts. do you... love me back?"

both of them were crying at that moment. with jooyeon's hand still on hyeongjun's face, the elder just took it and gave it a kiss.

"let me love you, just like you deserve it." not even needing to consider, jooyeon nodded. "please, please do... i love you, hyeongjun."

this time it was hyeongjun who put his hands on the other's cheeks.

feeling like both of them weren't ready for a real kiss yet, he softly placed his lips on jooyeon's forehead, closing his eyes.

"it'll be fine..."