𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐇

#.. SIXTEEN

gunil stared at his anti-depressants, a small cup of water already in his hands. he couldn't handle it anymore.

his whole body was covered in bruises after that day's evening, his father deciding that he can cope better when beating up his son. he got fired from his job.

it hurt to move, it hurt to think, it hurt to live. there was no reason anyway, gunil concluded. everything was going downhill for him.

opening the bottle, gunil just mindlessly poured them into a zip-bag, not even trying to count the amount of pills that slipped inside.

crushing them into a fine powder, gunil looked outside - the same view as usual. what a bummer.

the crushed pills were then spilled into the cup, the powder dissolving immediately and whitening the liquid.

and gunil thought of seungmin. he'd have to carry on on his own. though he promised he wouldn't leave.

taking the first sips, gunil shook away the thought of his best friend. that exact best friend he had a crush on.

would he even miss him? would anyone miss him?

would anyone understand that gunil always gave signs that he wants to end it all? would his death surprise anyone?

he asked himself too many questions. gunil's thoughts got silenced once he took the last sip of the water.

there was no turning back now.

[...]

jiseok received a call. he was currently checking himself out, admiring how flat his stomach got the past few days.

the number was unknown and jiseok furrowed his brows. it was 1am, jungsu was already asleep and he had no other friends.

jungsu has shouted at him when he woke up in the nurse room before, being called sick for thinking that gunil will ever love him after he changes and starves himself just for him.

they had a small argument, jiseok promised that he would stop. but the feeling of being hungry was just too addictive. and seeing the aftermath on his body excited him to go further.

not only because of gunil, but also because of himself.

taking out his cell, he accepted the call. "hello?" he asked, pressing the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he lifted his top, looking at the small curve of his waist.

"hi, it's seungmin, don't ask how i got your number, that's really not important now.."

jiseok furrowed his brows as he let go of the top, grabbing the phone and throwing himself on his bed. "okay.. and why are you calling?"

"gunil tried killlng himself."

"he- what?"

"you heard right."

"but- what- huh?"

"he's on life support now. his heart failed because he tried overdosing.. he was pronounced dead for six minutes. son of a bitch, what was he thinking?"

"oh..."

jiseok didn't know what to say. his heart skipped a few beats, it was hot and cold at the same time.

he felt that he was on the verge of crying just by hearing that. it reminded him of his brother, who died due to suicide not even a year ago.

"do you have the chance to come here? he's in the city hospital."

"um- yeah sure. i'll have to sneak out, though, my parents are strict about going out at night."

"okay, i'll wait at the main entrance then. i really can't bear being alone in that room with his parents."

[...]

everyone quickly noticed that gunil wasn't at school the next day. seungmin decided on going anyway, he needed distraction.

thinking about his friend barely hanging on made him scared. a panic attack was the reason he got late to class.

but seungmin wasn't the only one who was without his usual friend. the friend of his project partner was gone, too - jooyeon wasn't present.

at lunch, hyeongjun was sitting alone on one table. so seungmin decided to join him.

"where's jooyeon?" he asked as he put down his own tray of food and sitting down across him.

hyeongjun sighed. "the clinic. his cutting problem got worse."

the whole school knew about jooyeon's self harm, so seungmin was not as surprised to hear that. then he was asked why he was alone.

"gunil tried unaliving himself" he sighed, starting to eat his food. it was still uncertain whether he would survive or not.

hyeongjun's eyes widened. "oh.." was the only thing he was able to say.

at least they spent the whole lunch break together and got closer. seungmin finally got to think about something that wasn't his dying best friend.