gunil was released after acting like he regretted his suicide attempt. yet he'd receive weekly therapy. so he wasn't fully rid of the clinic yet.
the drive home was too much. nothing in particular happened, everything just suddenly crashed down on him.
he was still pissed that he survived. and managed to somehow make everything worse.
seungmin was now worried about him 24/7. it was not fair. at all. seungmin should worry about himself and his growing tobacco addiction.
he destroyed jiseok. starting with the hair dye. gunil just once said that he liked blondes because of that one singer he likes.
the next day, he sees jiseok with bleached hair. might've been a coincidence. but then all the starving began.
he wasn't himself anymore. did he even recognize jiseok in his reflection?
jiseok was so desperate to be loved by gunil, ready to destroy himself if it means to get the senior's attention. and then he kissed him.
the kiss was the point that ruined the young boy. and gunil knew he fucked up for infinity.
he just confused himself, and gave jiseok an entire breakdown. remembering how intense they were yesterday, hands roaming places that weren't as appropriate in a clinic.
yet they did it anyway, entangled in the feeling of each other's bodies. once they parted, jiseok asked him "do you love me?"
and gunil stayed quiet. he didn't love jiseok. it didn't change anything, he thought. but his feelings towards seungmin also seemed to fade?
what was wrong with him? was he really experiencing love? or did he just cling to anyone who gave him attention?
was he capable, was he worthy of love? what even is love? gunil was overwhelmed. and then scared once he stepped out of the bus.
what if he just tried again? everyone hated him anyway. no one tried to listen to him.
gunil knew he fucked up, surprised that seungmin still liked him. but seungmin was the only one.
just because he survived, it didn't mean that he was glad to live. he'll try again, he concluded.
the bus station was right in front of his house. he really did not want to face his father again, especially because he was the reason for gunil's attempt..
ringing the bell, his mother quickly opened the door, shushing him. "he's asleep" she whispered, pulling her son in a warm long hug.
"i'm so glad you're alright.." he wasn't, but he didn't want to make his mother worry about him more than necessary.
gunil just instantly noticed the bruise on his mother's cheekbone once they parted again. "did dad do this to you?"
she nodded, wiping away one tear. "it's nothing, baby.. he just hit me once, it's not a big deal."
and once was too much for gunil. his emotions were boiling, he started losing control.
walking towards the kitchen with angry steps, he made sure to grab a knife, just in case if what he planned would go wrong.
gunil didn't even have to search to find who he was looking for, finding his father sleep in the living room, a documentation playing in the background.
not even hesitating, he slapped the man, making sure to hit extra hard so he would wake up. and he did.
"you fucker!" gunil shouted, his whole body shivering, yet he wasn't scared. he was shaking out of pure rage.
mr goo rapidly recognized his son's voice, grumbling aggressively as he sat up. "who gave you the audacity to-"
gunil didn't let him speak, slapping the man once again. "don't you ever touch mom again!"
his voice was loud, he was sure his neighbors heard, yet he couldn't bring himself to care.
what will they do? call the police and get him arrested for domestic violence? fine, then he'd have another reason to try suicide.
the man stood up, hovering over gunil as his hand darted out, ready to hit his son. but gunil was not scared in that moment.
he took one step back, taking out the knife and pointing it at his father. "i don't fucking care what you do to me! leave mom out of this! hurt her once more and i'll kill you!"
before anything could escalate, his mother seemed to have collected herself again, rushing forward to get in between them.
she hugged her son. "that's fine, gunil. breathe, baby, breathe.." then she turned to face her husband.
"he must be a little sensitive, now that he's home again, hm? go to sleep again, honey." his father luckily was still too tired to get really aggressive, so he just laid down again and closed his eyes, looking angry.
gunil's mom pulled her son up to his room. "what were you thinking?" she hissed, grabbing the knife away, as he still had his fingers tightly wrapped around it.
he didn't know what he was thinking. he didn't know anything anymore.
YOU ARE READING
𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐇
Fanfiction- ,, no homo ·˚ ༘ ╰┈➤ in which six boys face the pain of life. ⚠️ WARNINGS ╭━━━━━∙⋆⋅⋆∙━━━━━╮ - mentioned self-harm - heavy cussing - domestic violence - mentions of suicidal thoughts/ suicide att...
