𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐇

#.. TWENTY-EIGHT

the scar on gunil's neck was massive, sewn shut as it was free on display. he slit his throat in an attempt to cut his pulse vein.

the heart monitor beeped regularly, seemed like gunil failed his attempt. again. in an artificial coma, as his body was fed with necessary nutrients he needed to stay alive.

this time seungmin wasn't alone, who was visiting his best friend - jiseok also visited his boyfriend.

"how are you?" seungmin asked, trying to make the elder think of something else.

jiseok sighed. "don't know... i feel bad for gaining weight again but gunil promised me that it's fine.."

how sad. though gunil was the reason all this started, gunil was still the one who guided jiseok towards recovery.

the elder luckily didn't look as sick as he did before, still way too skinny but he was getting there slowly.

"and even if gunil won't survive all this, i'm sure it'll still be fine to gain, jiseok..."

it was silent after that. silent tears threatened to escape jiseok's eyes as he held gunil's hand, his leg trembling nervously.

he didn't want to think of gunil not making it. gunil managed to survive once, he'll survive again.

"how are you, though?" he then asked back after a solid five minute pause, in which seungmin managed to rummage in his bag and fish out a cigarette, lighting it.

turning around to not blow the smoke in jiseok's face, he sighed. "tried giving up smoking, no chance man."

jiseok removed his gaze from gunil, looking over to the younger. and he sighed. "you could find some alternatives.. like licking lollipops?" cute idea.

seungmin had to chuckle, despite feeling every negative emotion at once. "how is that supposed to help?"

the question seemed to surprise jiseok. he thought it was self-explanatory. but he guessed that his imagination of smoking was entirely wrong.

"like- don't know- if you want to nip on something, you can taste the sweet candy instead of the yucky nic."

he sighed before adding something with a mumble. "that's what my brother did before he killed himself."

seungmin's eyes widened. he heard that jiseok's brother passed away, the boy not coming to school for two weeks when it happened.

but suicide? the thing with gunil must hurt him even more then. losing one person to suicide was hard, but two was impossible to cope with.

"why did he do it?" seungmin asked, just then realising how insensitive that sounded. but jiseok didn't mind.

he just chuckled sadly. "don't know the exact reason... but we had an argument and i got too mad because he kept picking on my insecurities.

i told him that i'd rather have no brother instead of him... i didn't know he was suicidal.." jiseok did not need to clarify what his brother did afterwards, seungmin understood.

yet he still told him. "a few hours later i went to his room to apologize. god, only if i knew that he had hung himself..."

goosebumps ran through seungmin's body. that was awful. and severe. no wonder jiseok isn't really sane. he went through too much for a seventeen year old.

sobs and failed attempts to breathe through echoed through the room, the elder clasping gunil's hand even tighter.

"i know he's not good for me.. but i'm not ready to let go of him yet. not this way.."

seungmin gently put his arm around jiseok's shoulder, hoping to soothe him a little bit like that.

sinking his head, the boy just let his tears fall freely, reviving the dead room with his noises.

yet crying did not bring gunil back.

after several hours, both of them decided to come back another day. gunil would not wake up the following moments.