A/N: body dysmorphia is such a sensitive topic so i hope this helps with anyone going through this. also sorry i haven't posted in AGESSSSS :) hopefully this should make up for it!
TW: mentions of miscarriage, body dysmorphia.
wordcount: 1166 words.
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as autumn walked into her office she saw reece sitting in marjorie's chair. "what are you doing here? where's marjorie? autumn said.
"marjorie's gone on a holiday with her sister. so ill be here with you for an couple weeks while siobhan works at the sister nursery." he said.
it was the first couple days since autumn came back from loosing her child. physically she seemed okay to come back to work but mentally she was dreading answering any questions about her miscarriage and she knew how gossipy the parents were around here so it was no surprise that when autumn was doing some paperwork and parent walked in.
"autumnnnnn." she said making her and reece look up "yes?" autumn said even though she knew what was coming.
"I heard about your loss. im so sorry." she said making autumn raise her eyebrow and reece intervene. "excuse me but i think you should get out." he said looking at the door but she carried on talking.
"you know i know someone who had a miscarriage. she found out that she couldn't get pregnant so your situation is not really that bad." she said
"it never occurred to me to compare pain." autumn said flatly while reece stood up to physically get her out.
"just watch what you eat. your body can change a lot. especially your stomach. it looks bigger than before." she said while reece pushed her out and closed the door out to talk to her outside.
autumn hadn't even been thinking about her body. she was so wrapped up about the though about her baby loss she hadn't even looked at her stomach. even though her shirt covered her stomach she lifted her shirt. her stomach had barely gotten bigger. it was an little bit bigger with her legs slightly chubbier. but when autumn looked she saw her stomach and legs differently. she couldn't look at herself the same. as she pulled down her shirt an few tears rolled down her face. as reece walked in her saw her sister. her head covered in her hands and tear stains on her cheek.
he went up and hugged her shoulders. "none of the comments about your body were true aut. and you shouldn't have to compare pain with others. pain is pain." he said while rubbing her back. after a while she looked up and nodded. "im okay." she said as she wiped the mascara on her cheeks and packed her things as her shift had ended.
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as she got home she saw winter sitting on the sofa who greeted her. "hello darling how was work?" he said. "good." she said as she walked upstairs and got changed into some joggers and an an shirt.
as they finished dinner autumn went to go shower. in their bathroom they had one of the really long mirrors near the door. when she got in she looked at her body in the mirror. the body that she disliked. she now hated her body. she couldn't find anything on her body that she liked. since the miscarriage she had a couple stretch marks on her lower stomach and her waist and legs were slightly chubbier. even though autumn couldn't see it her body was still something any girl would dream off. that's what its like having body dysmorphia unfortunately. even though you cant see your beauty everyone else can.
as she looked at herself in the mirror she just silently sobbed. she decided to get in the shower so winter wouldn't be able to hear through the water.
as she came out after what felt like eternity she smiled at winter to let him know he could go shower. she sat on the bed with a pillow over her stomach.
after he came out winter got changed into a t shirt and boxers while autumn wore joggers and a baggy shirt which winter thought was odd as she usually wore her blue robe or shorts and a vest to bed but didn't think anything off it. they got in bed together while autumn rested her head on her husbands chest while watching a movie. as the movie played she couldn't get the thoughts out of her head about what that parent had said. to be honest she had started being more body conscious recently aswell and these thoughts weren't helping. she decided to speak to someone about it as it was eating her alive. obviously she was going to speak to winter.
"my sweet." autumn said getting his attention. he grabbed the remote and paused the movie "yes my darling?" he said. "do you think my body looks different - she paused - since the pregnancy?" she asked with sadness in her voice making winter look at her. he sat up and changed autumns position to make her face him. "why do you ask?" he said looking into her eyes before she breaks down in sobs. he immediately grabs her into a big hug stroking her hair. "whats wrong?" he said softly. "ever since we lost the baby i feel like my body has changed. ive feel so insecure and cant even look at it without crying. i just want my old body back. my legs and stomach are chubbier and i have an couple stretch marks on my stomach. i hate it so much." she said while winter stroked her back feeling heartbroken that his wife was going through so much without him knowing. "my love yes your body has changed but after what happened its natural for your body to change. yes your body looks different than before which is completely natural. you shouldn't overthink it my love." he said. after a minute of silence she muttered quietly "do you still love me even though im not as pretty anymore?"
"my love i love you and will never stop loving you. its physically impossible. your just so beautiful. yes your body has changed but your body now still looks amazing and makes me feel so lucky having you. even so i don't just love you for your looks. i love your for you." he said as he put his hand onto her chest feeling her heartbeat. "your so amazingly beautiful autumn. i cant believe im so lucky to be able to be with you." he said as he gave her a kiss.
"thank you i feel a lot better." she said as she snuggled closer to him as he turned the movie on and rested in bed with autumn in his arms. the blanket wrapped round their bodies as they shared passionate kisses. god he loved her so so so much.
as she drifted off to sleep winter turned off the movie and stroked her hair.
"i love you." she said.
"i love you more." he said as they both drifted off to sleep.
