Game Over

Chapter 58

Chapter 58

I badly wanted to smoke... but I couldn't.

Kasi paano kung buntis ako?

Fuck.

Was I being reckless all this time? Putting myself in danger? And this... unborn child? Paano kung buntis nga talaga ako? Ano ang gagawin ko? Do I just give up this case? But I didn't want to. This wasn't just about me—

'Yes, this isn't about you now... kung buntis ka.'

Fuck.

Who knew three minutes could feel like a lifetime?

Kanina pa ako naka-tayo sa harap ng sink. Nasa common CR ako sa lobby ng condo. Ni hindi ako maka-balik sa unit. What if buntis nga ako? What if makita ako ni Lui? I knew that he'd quickly figure out that something's wrong. I needed to figure things out first bago niya ako makita. I needed to know kung—

Fuck.

I felt like my heart dropped to my stomach when I saw two faint lines start to appear on the stick. I didn't want to believe what I was seeing... but then the other two sticks I bought showed me the same thing.

I kept on staring at the results... pero hindi ko alam kung bakit. I was staring at them like I was waiting for them to tell me how I should feel. Because all I could feel was this hollow pit in my stomach.

Should I feel happy?

I should... right? After all, it's Lui's.

I love him.

I loved him then and I still love him now—I've been loving him for a long time already that loving him is already ingrained in my being. I knew that I would love him for the rest of my life.

But I couldn't feel that happiness that I should be feeling.

Because I knew that this would change things.

I didn't know how long I'd been staring at the positive results nang biglang tumunog iyong cellphone ko. Halos tumalon iyong puso ko palabas ng dibdib ko... lalo na nang makita ko iyong pangalan ni Lui sa screen.

I drew a deep breath. I knew I should answer this. Mag-aalala siya kapag hindi ako sumagot—lalo pa ngayon na bigla na lang akong lumabas ng walang pasabi sa kanya. Hindi ko rin naman alam na magbabago pala ang buhay ko dahil lang naisipan kong lumabas ngayon.

But I couldn't bring myself to answer the call. I was afraid that my voice would shake the moment that I hear his voice and I hear him asking kung nasaan ako. Instead, I sent him a message saying na pabalik na rin ako.

I debated if I should just throw the tests away... but I didn't. Lui was right—we already spent years not communicating. We shouldn't do that again—especially now that apparently, we're having a child together.

I felt so bad.

I couldn't feel the happiness that I should be feeling.

* * *

Lui didn't even have to voice out his displeasure. Pagbukas ko pa lang ng pinto ay kita ko na agad iyong malalim na kunot sa noo niya. Why did he even wake up? Madaling araw pa rin. In his sleep, did he unconsciously reach for me at nagising siya nung maramdaman niya na wala ako? Or did he feel the weight that was weighing me heavy and that woke him up from his slumber?

"Where were you?" he asked.

"May binili lang."

Tumingin siya sa kamay ko na walang hawak. As if he was asking me kung nasaan ang binili ko. As if he was trying to catch me in a lie.