ShikaTema : Waiting For You

Chapter 28: Just kids

(the new pain arc?)

Shikamaru sat in front of his clan, hearing them scold him. Or at least that's what he thought they were doing. They probably weren't, but he always hated the higher ups tones towards him. It was always in disdain. They would look down on him for things out of anyone's control. 'He's just a kid', His father used to defend when he was 12. 'He's just a kid', He would say it again when he turned 14, 'he's just a kid', 15, 16, 17... He was in his 20's now, but he was still just a kid, at least by heart, but now... Now no one was here to defend him.

His head grew heavy to hold, and it drooped low as he sat on his knees. He wouldn't look anyone in the eyes anymore, not even himself in the mirror. He wouldn't recognize the reflection anyway. He wasn't just a kid, he was in the beginning years of adulthood and to be a clan leader. For his mother, for his father, for those that worked so hard for him, for the village, for the war. The weight of it all was heavy. He stood with the conclusion of the meeting, not a word spoken from his mouth other than acknowledgments and agreeances. His mother was by his side, wanting to fight for her son the same way her husband did, but her arguments would only fall on deaf ears, just like they were now with her son. They had picked a wife for him, one that wasn't her. One that wasn't Temari.

His mother's hand soothed circles at his back as they now sat at his father's grave, "You don't have to go through with this, son.", she'd support, over and over, wishing her words would snap him out of this unnecessary scheme, but she knew the burden he carried wouldn't release him. Shikamaru was smart, strong, but losing changes people's outlooks, and Shikamaru's outlook was now to carry the weight and pain the way his predecessors did so others wouldn't have to.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts, but please stop by. If you're doing this for us, your parents-", Yoshino said, indicating towards the grave they mourned, "Don't allow yourself to do it without them. I'm still here.", she saddened, planting a kiss on the top of his head and left her son to think.

Think. Think. Think.

He tried over and over. A plan, any plan.

No.

No more plans.

His plan failed, but it was a terrible plan to begin with. It was one of the plans he needed more input on that he wouldn't allow. That's why it failed, but he didn't regret. He wouldn't drag anyone else down with it. No, not anymore than he already did with her.

His teeth gritted, jaw clenching, eyes closed. He sobbed, quiet tears, his knees planted in the patchy grass at the graves and hands gripping tightly at the cloth of his pants. He couldn't pin why he was truly sad anymore, he had too much loss, the same as many people of his village did. He thought he had coped, or suppressed his previous sadness with the time that passed after the war, but now he felt alone, empty, looking for comfort at a place he wouldn't receive any. His sadness coming back like the clouds that were moving in with the winter season, but his real sun had been gone long before this.

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Temari left the moment he broke things off. She was done with her work, done with her mission, done with Konoha. The only reason she would want to stay was for him, which wasn't a reason anymore. He broke things off and that night she packed everything in her apartment, returned the key to the landlord, quietly stormed to the Hokage's office. She left a scroll on his desk which was her signed completed report on Konoha's curriculum, the last piece of paperwork keeping her there, officially giving her no reason to stay longer. She signed herself out at the front gates of Konoha and began her three-day journey home, not looking back.

It's been months since she left. No messages, no further explanation from either side. She wouldn't cry for him, she wouldn't beg. It was his decision to not want her in his life, so she'd stand her ground the way he was...