Sin to commit (Valentine Series 1)

Chapter 19

To my friend, Jho, one of my J, I like the song, thank you for recommending 'Alon' by Aly Remulla, you guys can play it doon sa may ending part, when Chiera's mother confronted Astra.

🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘

The rest of the conference I was trying to get a hold of myself, the guilt was eating me like crazy and I know, damn I know I wouldn't be this affected kung wala akong nararamdaman kay Hiraeth, baka nga gamitin ko pa siya lalo, but no, just thinking about doing that to her eats me and I can't bare the thought of doing that to her.

I would smile when asked, I would answer with utmost strength just so I wouldn't stutter, I would do my best to look at Hiraeth's eyes and with every simple eye contact my heart will combust with too much pain and guilt. I felt like crying, I felt like I can't continue looking at Hiraeth without seeing my past, I can't do that to her, damn I don't want to do that to her, she's gentle and true, and I can't hurt her just because of my toxic behaviors.

I thanked every Saint I called the rest of the conference kasi walang naka-pansin ng biglang pagbabago ng ugaling ipinapakita ko, from comfortable to show my real attitude to being professional so quick.

No one noticed of course, dahil siguro kaka-simula palang din ng conference kaya walang naka-pansin, I felt like I became poised just like Mrs. Marisse.

We're on our way na sa parking lot para umuwi, but I heard the woman's voice I wanted to try avoiding, call out my name.

"Dawn, wait up!" I instantly looked back, why wouldn't I?

"Hmm? Why?" I asked, looking at her, showing the tiredness on my face.

"Mine ka muna for tonight?" that sounded so good right now, the tiredness, the guilt, the pain, everything, but how can I rest when she's literally the reason of the two emotions I am feeling? Will it help?

"I feel tired, Hiraeth, I really just want to go home," I answered her, thinking that the most suitable answer to her question is rejecting the offer I so want to accept.

"We will go home, I just need you inside my car and we will,"

I was about to answer her again and decline but Clare's voice called for me, when I looked at her she's on the passenger seat of the van and ready to leave, "Hey, una na kami, mukhang may lakad pa kayong dalawa eh,"

"N-no, wai—," and they rushed off to their houses, leaving me here, their celebrity in another celebrity whom I feel safe with, pero not at this moment, kasi my heart doesn't feel so safe right now!

It's about to break and go crazy!

"Well, looks like you're going home with me," but who am I kidding? The moment her hand touched my wrist and pulled me to her car I know I still feel the safest, but because of what happened earlier hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit ganoon ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya, dahil ba nakikita ko sa kanya ang nakaraan ko? O dahil ito lang talaga ang dulot niya sa puso at katawan ko?

I remained quiet the whole ride, my energy is worn out dahil sa pagpipilit ko kanina sa sarili ko to sound professional and not a laughing stock at the movie conference, it took to much of me and I need to recharge.

"Is there something that's bothering you?" she broke the silence when we entered the elevator, she's not looking at me directly but looks at my reflection.

I shook my head and smiled tiredly at her, "I'm just really tired today,"

Lies.

I just feel torn apart with the things I've been seeing.