Sin to commit (Valentine Series 1)

Chapter 22

The following days became a mess. I found myself going to interviews, photoshoots, and rehearsals like a broken machine, with it's only function is to smile, talk, and wave to people.

I go to the hospital feeling down and I thank God na tuwing umaga na dumadalaw ako tulog pa rin si Papa, I've been blaming him in my head, and it's driving me nuts, pinagpapasalamat ko rin na hindi ko na nakita yung doctor noong dumalaw ako.

After my schedule, I'd see myself driving on the way to famous race tracks in the country and race with people I don't know. I was just driving and pushing pedals just so I could somehow remove the thoughts running through my head. The things they both said ringing through my ears with the air as I speed up my car, my voice telling me I'm just like my father every time I drank liquor. There's this one time when I was early to go to the track and I decided to drink a few shots, by few I meant 5 shots of Tequila and 5 shots of Whiskey.

And when it was time to race, my head was already nowhere to be found, my eyes see the road in the most jiggly way possible, and my knees wobbled like crazy on the way to my car, but despite those I was able to enter my car, but I just wish I didn't.

My Lamborghini Huracan was fucking damaged, the front and back is freaking bended, and the only thing I remembered is that I was racing and was laughing wickedly as I bump my Lamborghini on every car in front of me, and I'll get bumped by those that I pass over.

And then suddenly, I was out of the track, sliding through the field and I was still laughing as I did! My head was even injured. Muntikan na akong sugurin noong mga binangga ko ang kotse and thank God, Acxel was there to help me.

Nagkaroon pa ako ng ilang sugat sa mukha buti na lang at maliliit sila tapos hindi gaano mahapdi kaya natatabunan ko ng make up, kaya walang alam ang manager ko except na lang kay Paris na nag-aayos sa sa akin.

But that didn't stop me. I continued to race after every rehearsal, but the difference is that I don't drink before racing na, I drink after racing. Somehow reserving some strength para maiuwi ko ang sarili ko.

And when I get home, it's either I'll drop dead on my coach and have nightmares about the two women who continues to hunt me as I sleep or not and lay down my bed and stare at the ceiling until it's morning again and I have to go to work, between those two, the most frequent is the latter.

Every night as I stare at my ceiling, both their face would hunt me, suddenly the woman I'm with was green eyed even though I remember myself staring into dark brown orbs, or in a different scene, I'm taking pictures of the green eyes holder with her signature flowy dress and when I look at the photos I took, it was the brown eyes, with her usual checkered unbuttoned polo with a sando inside and baggy pants looking at my camera with a small smile.

Those scenes were enough to keep me up all night, not minding the busy schedule I'll have the next day.

I don't have any time to think of Hiraeth's uncertainty with her feelings, because just like her ganoon din ang nangyayari sa akin, am I liking Hiraeth? Or is my love for her just continue to grow the more I'm with Hiraeth?

I haven't replied to her messages, even to my sisters, ang huli kong narinig ay nag-exted daw sila ng tatlo pang araw, and I don't remember when I heard that, I don't anticipate Hiraeth coming back, I just want to isolate myself and forget that I have people who's waiting for me.

But I would want her to return to me, I feel like if she returns my mind would feel somehow at ease. I just need her next to me.

When things like these happens, Reeces will be the one I'll call, but I don't want to disturb her, not when she has a life of her own, slowly, I felt myself detaching to her.