Hey You

Chapter 31

"Sorry?" Jane asked distraught by what Nella had just revealed.

"I know. Too fucked up to even believe, right?" Nella wiped her face. "Pero sino naman in their right mind would lie about stuff like that? Who wants to be the girl whose dad murdered her already dying mom and then killed himself after? Do I want to be haunted every second of my life by the thought na my dad had the balls to kill his wife but not be man enough to get it together for his daughter? Sino bang may gusto nun?"

Jane pulled Nella closer to her. Then she sat behind her with her legs spread out so Nella could lean and rest her back on her while she held her. "I'm so sorry, Nella," she was sobbing with her. The pain and sorrow Nella felt pierced right through her. It made the already chilly air seem even more frigid.

"Kung pwede lang sana sabihing 'okay lang eh," Nella replied. Her teeth chattered from the cold, but Jane's tight embrace started to warm her.

"Of course it's not okay, Nella. And it will never be okay. I knew mabigat yung dala-dala mo dahil sa pagkawala ng mama mo, but I had no idea na ganyan pala kabigat. Nung sinabi mong wala na rin yung daddy mo, akala ko maybe sa sobrang sakit ng naramdaman nya after losing your mom, he had a heart attack and sumunod na sya sa mama mo not long after she died. Nung hindi mo sya mapag-usapan, naisip ko na baka naman he wasn't entirely there nung mga time na lalo nyo syang kinailangan. Mas worse pa pala yung nangyari sa inyo," Jane cannot wrap her head around the idea that a father could murder his own wife and leave his child orphan by killing himself after.

"Sana nga ganun na lang, PB eh. Sana na-heart attack na lang sya tapos sumunod na sya kay mama. I know it's fucked up to say that about my dad. At least kasi kahit papano maiisip ko pa na he tried kahit konti to live his life because he may not have a wife anymore, but he still has a daughter. He still has me. Or sana nga he wasn't there na lang like you thought. Mas matatanggap ko pa yung absence nya kesa the fact na oo nga, inalagaan nya si mama pero sya rin naman pala ang tatapos sa kanya. He did not have the right to take her life. Pinangunahan nya si Lord eh. It's like hindi nya pa rin matanggap-tanggap na mama was going to be taken from us. He was in denial. He wanted to take control. He wanted to be in control," Nella tightenened her jaw as anger took over her heart.

"I'm so sorry," was all Jane could say. "Sorry dahil hindi ko alam kung anong dapat ko sabihin kasi alam ko naman na kahit ano pang comforting words yung sabihin ko, it's not going to make you feel better. Alam kong masakit pa din. I'm sorry dahil nag-ala Diyos yung daddy mo at kinuha nya sayo yung mama mo. Tama ka. Wala syang karapatan na mag-desisyon kung kelan mawawala sa inyo ang mama mo. Hindi ko ma-imagine yung galit mo kasi kung ako nga nakakaramdam ng matinding galit ngayon dahil sa mga nalaman ko, what more ikaw? Sayo nangyari lahat ng yun. I hate that your dad put you through all of that. Kung pwede lang kunin yung sakit na nararamdaman mo, ginawa ko na," her eyes glistened with tears. "Anong pwede kong gawin, Nella? Anong pwede kong gawin para makatulong kahit papano sa bigat ng nararamdaman mo?"

Nella wiped the tears that fell on Jane's cheeks. "I just want you next to me, PB. Your presence is enough. Kahit yakapin mo lang ako, malaking tulong na yun para sakin."

Jane swallowed. Then she lowered her body and laid on the picnic blanket. "Come here," she nodded for Nella to lay on her arm.

Nella did as she was told. She nestled by Jane's chest. Their eyes never seized from pouring out tears as they laid next to each other, so she closed them. "I like it when I hear your heart beating."

Jane rubbed Nella's arms trying to keep her warm. "Nella, Nella, Nella. Rinig mo?"

Nella smiled and let out a subtle chuckle. "Is that what your heart is saying?"

Jane nodded. "Mhm."

Nella was so comfortable, she could fall asleep anytime.

"Babe?" Jane uttered. She was also lulled to sleep by Nella's warmth and the atmosphere of the beach.