Hey You

Chapter 27B

"Alam mo, sa tanang buhay ko, hindi ko ever naisip na may hahalik sakin," Jane shared while she rested on Nella's shoulder after their kiss.

"Why in the world would that even cross your mind, PB?" Nella asked. "Ang ganda ganda mo kaya. I won't even be surprised if may naka-line up na mga tao para manligaw sayo. Don't you see that?"

Jane shook her head. "Pag maganda ba automatic na mahahalikan na agad?"

Nella sighed. "I just meant na I find it hard to believe na you haven't kissed anyone yet."

"Seryoso nga kasi ako. Ikaw nga first ko. Alam mo ba na deal breaker yan kaagad sa lalaki? Ilayo mo lang yung ulo mo pag tinatry ka nilang halikan, parang 'who you' ka na sa kanila the next time you see each other. May nanliligaw naman sakin noon, pero walang umabot sa ganito kasi ayoko ngang magpa-halik. With you, parang ang dali lang sakin na ibigay yung kiss na yun. Siguro dahil pinagkakatiwalaan kita? Iba pag kilala mo yung tao and lalo pa pag mahal mo," Jane explained.

"Yeah, iba pag mahal mo," Nella agreed.

"Ikaw ba? Sumagi na ba sa isipan mo yung mga relationships na yan or allowing suitors man lang?" Jane asked.

Nella shook her head. "No. Nung buhay pa si mama, tinatanong nya ako kung may crush ba ako, but wala talaga eh. Lalo nung nagkasakit sya, nasa kanya kasi yung focus ko. Wala akong panahon na i-entertain yung mga ganung thoughts."

Jane nodded. "I understand."

"PB, will you look at me for a sec?" Nella requested, so Jane sat up and faced her. "When mama died, parang pati ako namatay with her. It's like I didn't know who I was anymore. I was so lost, parang nakalimutan ko na kung ano yung mga dating nagpapasaya sakin. Makikita mo na tumatawa ako, but I felt empty inside. It's like I show emotions kasi yun yung expected sakin. I don't want tita Weng to worry about me, so I try to act 'normal'. Alam mo yun?"

Jane nodded.

"Pero yung totoo, I didn't know what happiness felt like anymore. Minsan nga even saying the word 'happy' feels so foreign to me. It's like I don't speak that language, so I don't know what the word means. I live day by day wearing a mask pero deep down, wala talaga eh. I think I was numb. But when you and I got to know each other more and the more time we spent together, iba yung pakiramdam ko. Then I realized ito na pala yun. This is what happiness feels like, and I was starting to feel it again. Literal na parang you're skipping from cloud to cloud. Nakalutang lang but not the empty kind of floating. It's like you're flying kasi sobrang gaan ng pakiramdam mo. It's like nothing's weighing you down. It feels really nice, kaya salamat. Kung hindi moko kinulit sa detention nun, I wouldn't be able to feel all the highs that I've been feeling with you," Nella smiled.

Jane just stared in her eyes for a moment before she spoke. "I'm glad, Nella. Madami pang magagandang bagay na naghihintay para sayo: mga bagay na gusto pa ng mama mo na ma-experience mo."

Nella reached for Jane's face and gave it a gentle stroke. "How are you feeling right at this moment?" She wanted to know.

Jane smiled. "Content. Euphoria? Yung parang naka-ecstasy ako na ewan."

Nella let out a little chuckle. "Me too."

Jane looked at her. "Parang may gusto ka pang sabihin," she pointed out.

Nella sighed. Then she looked at their hands that managed to find their way into each other. "What made you kiss me tonight, PB?"

Jane continued to lock her gaze with Nella. "Hindi ko rin alam, vaNella. Pero if we're going to be honest right here, right now, aaminin ko na may naramdaman na akong attraction sayo bago pa natin makilala lalo yng isa't-isa. Naramdaman nga nung makulit kong pinsan eh. Mas nauna nga nya yatang malaman kesa sakin. First time ko nga kasi kaya siguro madaling i-pinpoint na may iba sa aura ko. I don't know if gay radar nya yung pinairal nya, but at one point, inasar nyako sayo. I was in denial at first pero here we are, I guess tama sya. Ikaw ba? Parang natural na natural yung pag-tease mo sakin kanina eh. Ano ba yun? Was it you just being playful or—" She didn't know how to put into words the rest of her question, but Nella understood what she was trying to ask.