courage dear heart | Yuki Ishikawa

09

Ishikawa's POV

I knocked on the door. 
"Coming," I heard a distant voice reply.

The door opened, and my Libero, Yamamoto, stood in front of me.

"Hey, Captain, are you okay? You're all red, do you have a fever?" He frowned, and I stared back at him, mirroring his confusion.

I'm red? Was I red before, too, when I was with her? Damn, how embarrassing... I must have looked like an idiot.

"Yuki?" 
I blinked. "Ah... Y-yes, I'm fine, I just... eeeh, I ran here to grab my stuff because we have, like, an hour to freshen up before dinner..."

Idiot! You're used to running and jumping every day without ever turning red... I couldn't have come up with a worse excuse.

Sure enough, Tomo looked even more perplexed, tilting his head to the side.

I just stared back at him, waiting.

"Right, your suitcase," he said, heading back to retrieve it. A few seconds later, he returned and handed it to me.

"If you need to, uh, talk to someone about why you, um, ran-" he started, but I quickly cut him off, feeling like I was stepping into unfamiliar territory, especially with someone else involved.

"It's okay! I just need a cold shower," I said, backing away toward my room. "Thanks again for holding onto my stuff."

"No problem, Yuki," he replied, closing the door.

My room was across from Nabi's, but there was a large room between us, probably a lounge since there was a black plaque next to the door where I could read"Break Room 2."

I opened the door to Room 39, took off my shoes, and switched on the light. 
I expected the room to be similar to Nabi's, but instead, it was bigger and more spacious.

To the right was the bathroom, with a shower big enough for me to move around without worrying about bumping into anything. 
From the entrance, I could see a large bed, big enough for me to sleep in without my feet hanging off the edge.

I'm glad I mentioned my need for a bed of the right size.

When I spoke with the coach earlier, he handed me the envelopes already assigned to each player, likely with specific requests made the day before.

Nabi's bed seemed slightly smaller than mine—

I covered my face with my hand, feeling embarrassed and mortified about what had happened earlier. I had practically been a stranger standing in her room, staring at her.

She must have thought I was an idiot or, worse, a pervert—

"Aaaaahhh," I groaned, scratching my head in frustration. I'm not used to feeling like this. When I'm with her, I don't feel like myself.

This is unsettling. I like having control over my life and emotions, but when I see her, it's like I'm just a spectator of myself, letting things happen without really being in control.

Not that I dislike it, it's just new, and I need to figure out how to handle it.

I headed to the bathroom and started undressing. I stepped into the shower and turned on the cold water.

The icy water made me jump, but at least it helped wash away the tension and frustration.

After showering and getting dressed, I sat in the armchair facing the balcony. I picked up my phone to remind everyone to be downstairs by 7 PM.