courage dear heart | Yuki Ishikawa

32

I woke up slowly, my body feeling heavy and a bit sore, but the first thing I noticed was the soft beeping of the hospital machines and the faint smell of antiseptic.

As I blinked my eyes open, adjusting to the dim light, I saw Yuki sitting beside me, his hand gently wrapped around mine. His face looked worried, the usual confident energy in his eyes replaced with a sadness I wasn't used to seeing from him.

He smiled softly when he noticed I was awake, but I could still see the concern behind his expression. "Hey," he said quietly, leaning closer. "How are you feeling?"

I took a deep breath, my muscles aching slightly but nothing too unbearable. "Tired... and sore," I admitted, giving a small, relieved smile. "But nothing's broken, right?"

Yuki shook his head, his grip on my hand tightening just a little, as if to reassure himself as much as me. "No, nothing's broken. The doctors said it was low blood pressure, and your heart rate was too slow. You passed out from pushing yourself too hard." His voice was soft, almost like he was afraid to upset me by repeating the details.

"They said you just need to take it easy for a few days. Rest more during the holidays."

I nodded, feeling a sense of relief that it wasn't anything worse. I'd been pushing myself so much, but hearing Yuki say the words made it sink in a little more. I really had gone too far.

He hesitated for a moment, then asked quietly, "What are you doing for Christmas?"

The question caught me off guard. I hadn't really thought about it much, with all the training and the competition coming up. I hesitated, my eyes flickering away from his as I thought about it. "I... I was planning on staying at the dorm," I admitted, my voice softer than I intended.

Yuki looked at me for a long moment, something shifting in his expression "Why? Non vai a trovare la tua famiglia? Sono in Giappone?"

The soft beeping of the machine marked my heartbeat, which was slowly beginning to speed up. I tried to calm it, but nothing seemed to work.

Yuki noticed and leaned in, gently brushing his hand against my cheek. "Hey, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I looked up at him, and immediately, I felt a bit calmer. I swallowed before speaking, my voice quiet. "I don't get along well with my family. We usually don't spend the holidays together."

I managed to keep my voice steady, even though the topic wasn't easy. I was used to my family situation, but not to talking about it.

Yuki kept stroking my hand with his thumb, easing the flood of thoughts that I was trying to push away.

After a few moments of silence, he spoke again, pulling me out of my internal struggle. "Would you like to spend the holidays with me and my family?"

I turned to face him, surprised. I didn't even remember the last time I spent the holidays with anyone. I stared at him, unsure of how to respond.

Seeing my hesitation, Yuki quickly added, "We don't do anything big, I promise! I just don't want to leave you alone in the dorm, and... I don't like the idea of being away from you. My parents have a guest room, and I thought it would be nice..."

He started fidgeting slightly, clearly nervous. "But don't feel like you have to say yes if it seems like too much."

A small laugh escaped me, and I quickly tried to cover it with my hand.

He raised his eyebrows at me, confused.

"I'd really love to spend the holidays with you and your family," I admitted, unable to hold back the smile that was creeping onto my face.

He really is too sweet.

"What time is it?" I asked, noticing that it was dark outside.

"It's 8 PM. I'll just go tell your coach you're awake," Yuki said as he stood up, heading for the door.

I watched him leave, and suddenly the weight of everything that had happened hit me. I had been foolish not to take better care of myself.

The door opened again, and Yuki walked back in, followed by the coach and a teary-eyed Ayumu, who rushed towards me, wrapping me in a tight hug.

I froze at his unexpected show of affection, not even sure where to put my hands. I awkwardly patted him on the back, feeling out of my element.

"Don't you dare do that again, Nabi! When we saw you fall, you scared us half to death!" he said, his voice thick with emotion.

Someone pulled him off me. "Enough, Ayumu. Let her breathe," Hiro said, dragging him away, while Reira sat at the foot of my bed.

"Are you okay, Nabi?" she asked, her eyes also slightly misty.

I hadn't noticed when they all entered. Looking at their worried faces, I realized how much I had made them fret, wasting their valuable time. The guilt hit me hard, and I felt a sting behind my eyes.

Reira leaned in and hugged me tightly. "It's okay. You don't have to face this alone."

I closed my eyes, resting my forehead on her shoulder, letting myself relax into the warmth of her embrace.

Then I felt more arms wrap around me. "Come on, Hiro, group hug!" Ayumu called out.

I couldn't help but laugh, hearing Hiro join in, and feeling the pressure lift just a bit. For the first time, I didn't feel so alone.

When they finally let go, Ayumu sat on the bed beside me. "I know our sport isn't exactly a team sport like volleyball, and I get that everything's still new for you. But we're still a team. We're your teammates, and you need to understand that you're not alone. If something's bothering you, or if you need help, you can and should come to your senpai."

"Ayumu's right," Hiro added with a half-smile. "He's an idiot most of the time, but he's also a good captain and teammate. It's not okay to deal with everything on your own like this."

I nodded, listening to their words, feeling the warmth of their concern. "I'm sorry I scared you guys and made you worry," I said, lowering my head.

Reira bent down to catch my gaze. "Don't apologize, Nabi. We're not scolding you. We just want you to know that you can trust us," she said, squeezing my hand.

I didn't know how to feel or what to say. I'd always dealt with things on my own, never thinking it was necessary to ask for help or open up to others.

I tried to smile. "Thank you," I whispered softly.

"I should've recorded this," Ayumu teased, pulling out his phone. "I don't think we'll get another chance to hug Nabi... she usually pushes me away."

I shook my head, laughing. "You're always the same."

"Nabi," my coach said as I turned to face him. "I think you've already realized what went wrong, so there's no need to repeat it. You'll have a week and a half off now. Make sure you rest. I forbid you from getting back on a snowboard until your return."

I frowned slightly, feeling a pang of frustration, but nodded. "Alright."

"Come on, let's go," the coach said. "The doctor will check on you soon to see if you can go home. We'll be waiting for you outside."

"See you later, Nabi," they all said, one after the other, filing out of the room.

Yuki lingered for a moment, leaning down to give me a soft kiss on the forehead before whispering, "See you later, Nabi," and then he left too.

The doctor arrived shortly after to check on me, giving me supplements I needed to take and some instructions for my nutritionist. He reminded me again to rest before telling me I could join the others.

As I quickly changed and stepped out to meet them, I felt a strange sense of peace.

For the first time, I didn't feel sad or frustrated about taking a long break from training.