courage dear heart | Yuki Ishikawa

45

I woke up to the sounds of someone cooking in the kitchen and the delicious smell of food wafting through the apartment.

Despite feeling exhausted from a restless night, l pushed myself to get up.

I reached for Yuki's shirt, which was draped over a nearby chair, and slipped it on, feeling its warmth and faint scent of him.

As I made my way into the kitchen, I saw Yuki standing by the counter.

He was only wearing the same pants from the night before, his torso bare and glistening in the morning light.

The hickeys I had left on his chest and abs were still visible, a reminder of the night we had shared.

I climbed onto one of the high stools at the kitchen island, trying to stifle a yawn.

Yuki glanced over his shoulder with a smile as he finished preparing breakfast. He placed a plate in front of me, loaded with eggs, toasted bread, a fresh salad, yogurt with oats, and a glass of fruit juice.

As he moved around the kitchen, I couldn't help but admire the sight of him, his easy grace and the way he seemed so at home in this moment.

Despite the fatigue tugging at me, I felt a rush of warmth and contentment as l watched him, grateful for this simple yet intimate start to the day.

"When did you get here? Why are you here?" I asked as he sat down in front of me.

"I only arrived yesterday. I asked the coach for a few days off. To bring you back," he said casually between bites.

Huh? Bring me back? What did he mean by that?

Seeing the confusion on my face, he continued, "Don't you have the Olympics in a few weeks?"

As I processed Yuki's question, a tightness gripped my chest.

The mention of the Olympics brought a wave of anxiety, immediately making me think of my brother. I feared he would accuse me of being selfish again, of ruining his life.

Then my thoughts shifted to my father and what his reaction might be. The fear of facing everything I'd left behind consumed me, making me feel paralyzed by the uncertainty of it all.

Yuki looked at me. "Eat, Nabi. You need to regain some energy."

I forced myself to keep eating, even though I'd completely lost my appetite. After we finished, he took the plates to wash them.

"I spoke with your brother."

I flinched, staying silent, waiting for him to continue.

"He told me where you were and asked me to bring you back to Japan."

"Him? Why? I thought he wanted me far away and out of the way," I asked, confused.

Yuki turned around, sitting down again. "He doesn't want you to stay away from problems, he wants you to face them."

I frowned.

"Nabi, do you really like snowboarding? Or are you doing it for other reasons?" His gaze was fixed on mine.

"How much do you know?" I asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

"Everything..."

My chest tightened at the memory of that night 14 years ago.

Yuki stood up and gently lifted me, carrying me to the couch, where he sat me down on his lap.

He held me close, stroking my back. "I'm so sorry, Nabi. You've been through so much on your own."