𝙄𝙣 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙌𝙪𝙞𝙚𝙩 𝙈𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 - 𝘊𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘭𝘪𝘯 𝘍𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘥

𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮 𝙎𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣. 𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘻𝘦𝘯 𝘐𝘯 𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦

I froze in place, not being able to pull my gaze away from Caitlin, who was currently kissing Lia back. I felt my eyes well up and a wave of nausea hit me.

Lia finally pulled away, out of breath and it seemed like Caitlin was too. The swiss player leaned in and whispered something to Caitlin before she started making her way over to the door to leave.

I hid beside the wall in the shadows of the darkness and let Lia walk inside without seeing me. When the balcony door finally shut, I stepped back out, making it clear I was there.

Caitlin's head snapped towards me and her eyes instantly widened. "Elena-"

"So, are you two back together?" I ask, my voice shaking and barely over a whisper.

"Elena, no. She was drunk and kissed me." Caitlin says as she tries walking close to me, but I put my hand between us to stop her. "It didn't mean anything."

"You kissed her back." I say so quietly it scares even me. "Tell me that that doesn't mean anything, Caitlin." Caitlin hesitates and it's enough for me. It's enough for my heart to sink in my chest. "You know, I don't know why I was stupid enough to ever think this would work."

"What, like you and Ona didn't work?" Caitlin snaps and I feel myself grow angry again.

"Don't you dare for a minute talk about me and Ona when you just kissed your ex while whispering sweet nothings in my ear for the past few months." I point my finger at her chest. "Were you ever really over her? Or was I just a distraction?"

"Elena, you weren't a distraction!" Caitlin begins to raise her voice as I stare into the eyes of the girl who ripped every last part of me that believed in true love.

"Then what was I?" I raise my voice too. Caitlin doesn't reply to me and I shake my head in anger. "You know how hard it is for me to open up to people." I say in barely a whisper. "I trusted you, Caitlin."

The balcony door opens and Caitlin and I both turn our heads together to look at the door. Jordan and Leah walk out. My eyes scan down to their hands held in each other's and feel the pit in my stomach grow bigger.

"Is everything alright out here?" Jordan asks and I nod.

"Yeah, I was just getting some fresh air because I feel sick. I think I'm going to go home." I tell the two blondes.

"You want me to drop you off?" Leah asks me, but I shake my head.

"It's alright." I push away her offer.

The couple nod and leave the balcony. I take one last look at Caitlin, but just mutter some swear words as I begin walking off.

I hear Caitlin's footsteps behind me. "Maybe that's exactly why we couldn't work." She says and I stop in my tracks to listen to her. "Because you're just this hard exterior. How am I supposed to date somebody I barely know."

"Well, you don't have to anymore." I say quietly, leaving the balcony.

I don't bother to say goodbye to all the girls as I just grab my things and leave the apartment. Thankfully for me I was a fast walker and Steph and I's apartment wasn't far from here.

As I walked down the quiet night streets, I replayed what had just happened in my head and that's when it hit me.

Caitlin and I had just broke up.

The clouds rumbled above me as it began raining, signalling the end of a heatwave. I didn't even bother to care about my wet hair or clothes as I just felt my heart break more and more at the thought of Caitlin.

How could she just kiss Lia and then say it meant nothing. It clearly did. It clearly meant that I was never the one for her.

But why could I still feel the warmth of her breath on my neck, our intertwining fingers when no one was looking, the whispered promises of something more. It was all just a cruel joke.

Caitlin and I were never anything.

The closer I got to the apartment, the heavier the silence became. It was suffocating, pressing in on me from all around until I felt like screaming to break it. But what would that change? Nothing could undo what I'd seen. What we'd said. There was a gaping wound in my heart and it couldn't be fixed. I was broken.

I had always been broken.

My dad said it himself. I liked girls. Why would he ever love his daughter when she likes girls. When she carried half of his DNA and she was a sin.

'No, Elena.' I tell myself, pushing the thoughts of my dad away.

I finally reached mine and Steph's apartment, but this place that once felt warm and welcoming, like a place I could seek refuge in after a long day, it now felt cold and uninviting.

I fumble with the keys, my hands shaking as I try to steady my breath. When I finally got the door open, I stepped inside and closed it behind me with a soft clock, the sound echoing in the empty apartment.

I lean my back against the door, my eyes stinging with unshed tears. I want to cry, to let it all out, but the tears won't come Instead, there was just this hollow ache, a numbness that zeeps into my bones, making me feel more alone than ever.

'What's wrong with me?'

I slide down to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest as I stare blankly at the wall. The somber of the apartment is defeating, a stark contrast to the echoes in my mind. I'd given so much of myself- my trust, my heart, my everything- and it just got thrown right back in my face.

I close my eyes as a single tear finally escapes down my cheek. 'What's so wrong with me?'

I didn't know how long I'd been sat there, curled up on the floor, lost in my own misery. All I knew was that something inside of me had broken and I wasn't sure if it could ever be fixed.