𝙄𝙣 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙌𝙪𝙞𝙚𝙩 𝙈𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 - 𝘊𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘭𝘪𝘯 𝘍𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘥

𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙮 𝙎𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘱

The changing room was a hum of post-training chatter. I sat on the bench, untying my boots in silence, my mind elsewhere. My muscles ached from the recovery drills, but that was the least of my concerns. Ever since the conversation with Caitlin, my thoughts had been tied up in knots. No matter how hard I tried to push the feelings away, they hovered over me like an unsettled storm.

Steph stood on the other side of the room, chatting with Beth and Leah about something that happened in training earlier. Their laughter broke through my thoughts, but it felt distant, like I was stuck under water while everything above the surface moved on.

The door creaker opem and in walked Caitlin, laughing softly at something Jordan had said as they entered. My heart clenched, my breath catching before I could steady myself. I forced my attention back to my boots, focusing on the simple act of loosening the laces, though my hands tremble slightly.

I wasn't ready for this. Not yet.

"Hey, Els, you okay?" Steph's voice breaks through, warm and concerned.

I look up and manage a smile, even though it feels thin. "Yeah, just sore."

Steph nods, her eyes lingering on me for a moment longer as if she could sense the tension I'm desperately trying to hide. I'd slept in the comfort of Steph's arms after crying to her 3 nights ago and ever since then the girl had been making sure I was comfortable and feeling okay whenever she could. I was grateful for it because sometimes I didn't realise what was going through my head, but Steph would and she'd pull me out of it with distractions even though she had no clue what was going on with me right now.

The gym floor was filled with teammates stretching and cooling down and Steph, Beth and I joined them. It was easy to blend into the casual banter, to let myself fade into the background of conversations about the usual: weekend plans, recovery routines, and the excitement of the season ahead. Still, every now and then, I caught Caitlin's figure in my peripheral vision. The familiar shape, the effortless way she moved, it all triggered a dull ache in my chest.

Suddenly, a water bottle appeared beside me. I blinked and looked up to see Caitlin, not quite meeting my eyes but offering the bottle. My heart skipped, a wave of confusion and surprise rushing through me. It was such a small gesture, insignificant to anyone else, but to me, it felt like a bridge being tentatively built.

"Thanks," I mumble, taking it. Caitlin only nods before moving away, leaving me holding the bottle, feeling the weight of what had just happened more than I expected. It wasn't forgiveness. It wasn't an apology. But it was... something. And that something unsettled me more than the silence we'd been living in.

As the gym began to clear out, I found myself lingering, stretching out the minutes as if I could avoid whatever came next. The team was dispersing in small groups, heading to the showers or the lounge area, but I stayed on the mat, pretending to focus on my cooldown. I wasn't sure if I was waiting for something or avoiding it entirely.

I catch sight of Caitlin again, now alone, wrapping up her gear. Without thinking, I stand, moving toward the exit, but Caitlin's voice stops her.

"Elena," Caitlin says softly and there's something tentative in her voice, a kind of caution that hadn't been there before. "Can we... talk?"

I pause, my fingers tightening around the strap of my bag. I exhale slowly, then turn to face Caitlin. "About what?"

There's a beat of silence before Caitlin speaksagain, quieter this time. "Not about... that. Just... how are you?"

"How am I?" I repeat, my voice sharper than intended. I sigh and shake my head, trying to soften the edge. "I'm fine."

Caitlin looks down for a moment, clearly struggling with what to say next. "I know things are weird. I just-" She hesitates, biting her lip before continuing. "I don't want things to stay like this between us. I know it's complicated, but... I'm trying, you know? To fix it."

I study Cautlin, the familiar ache returning to my chest. Part of me wants to push Caitlin away again, to remind her that things were broken because of her. But another part of me, the one that misses Caitlin's presence, wants to believe in the possibility that maybe things could be different. Maybe we could be... fixed.

"I'm trying too," I finally admit, my voice quieter now, the honesty catching both of us by surprise. "But it's hard."

Caitlin nods, understanding flashing in her eyes. "Yeah. I get that."

We stand there for a moment, the silence between us heavy but not unbearable. It isn't the awkward tension we'd been swimming in for weeks. It was... calmer. Softer. Neither of us knew what came next, but for the first time in a long time, the silence wasn't suffocating.

"I should go," I mutter, hoisting my bag over my shoulder.

"Yeah, of course," Caitlin says, stepping aside. "Take care of yourself, Els."

I leave without another word, but as I walk out of the facility, My heart feels just a little lighter.

Later that night, I push open the door to
my shared apartment. It was late, and the apartment was dark and quiet, save for the soft sounds of Steph's breathing from the other room. I don't turn on the lights. I don't want to.

Instead, I walk down the hall to my room, my feet light against the floor. Without a second thought, I lay down on my stomach on my bed and pull my phone out of my pocket, dialling a number I had memorised.

"Hey, I know It's late." I say when the call begins, "but I just need to talk."

"Elena, what's wrong?" Ona says, her voice filled with a sense of grogginess, though I don't blame her. It is 23:37 in Barcelona.

I don't answer at first. I can't. My chest is too tight, the weight of everything pressing down on me until I feel like I might collapse under it all. Finally, my voice cracks in the dark, barely above a whisper. "I don't know what to do."

I hear rustling on Ona's end and imagine her sitting up as she speaks. "Hey... hey, talk to me. What's going on?"

I exhale shakily, my emotions fraying at the edges. "Caitlin... she appologised the other day. She's trying, and I just- I don't know if I can go through this again. It's like I'm trapped in this loop of wanting to let her back in but being so scared she'll hurt me again."

Ona's quiet for a moment, hee light breathing being heard on the other end "Bébé [baby], it's okay to feel conflicted. You don't have to decide anything right now. It's okay to take your time."

"I just... I thought I was done with this. I thought I'd moved on, but when I see her, it's like everything I've been trying to bury just comes back."

Ona's voice is soft and understanding, as if she can feel exactly what I feel. "Maybe you haven't moved on because there's still something there. You can't force yourself to let go if part of you still cares."

My tears fall silently, feeling the weight of Ona's words. "I trusted her, Ons. I trusted her, and she broke me."

"I know," Ona whispers. "I know."

We stay like that for a long time, Ona telling me soothing words while I cried, the darkness of our distance surrounding us, but inside, I finally allowed myself to feel the hurt I'd been avoiding.