Pretty little promises (Mialotte)

Chapter 10 | Brutal

(inspired by the song Brutal by Olivia Rodrigo)

(Charlotte's pov)

Some days are rougher than others.

I can't be trusted alone as the silence allows my mind to roam free which never results in positive situations. My parents used to say my issues are just because I'm a teenager, but why would I believe anything they say? After waking up in Mia's bed this morning, my anxiety has been on a high. My body won't stop shaking and negative thoughts are racing in my mind, am I too fat? Do I eat too much? Should I stop eating..?

My day immediately got ruined after I heard Mia's other friends laughing at me and gossping behind my back. Ego crush is so severe. At this point, I just wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole, atleast then I'd never have to worry about other peoples opinions. Kind of like how Mia acts. She is the most confident, brave and independent teenager I've ever known and the way she struts around school like nobody's watching is so amazing. Why can't I be like her?

I've got the weight of the world balancing on my shoulders, feeling this almighty pressure to have to do well in everything. I'm not sure if it's a trauma response or just how I am but I wish I could change. I feel pressure twenty-four-seven to be perfect, even though I have no one left to impress. I may have my aunt but I'm better of being alone. She is either on a business trip or out with her friends drinking, that's her way of hiding from the world. Even when she's home, she's drunk and just cussing at me, saying how ugly I am, and how I'm undeserving of life. On top of all my pain, I can't make a single friend. It's not like I have the time to anyway. To be honest, the only reason I'm trying to cling to Mia is because she's a good distraction.

I may cling to her, but I could name thousands of things that cling to me. My insecurities, my traumatic memories, my unlikability.

Time after time, I've wanted to end it all, say goodbye to my life. I was even pleased enough to let my parents murder me. But.. There's just something stopping me. This feeling of my future. Married, with children and I want to be a proud worker at a nursery. Although, every time I seem to reach for my goal, I just fall straight back down.

--

I was in the school bathrooms alone while writing this. An individual tear shredded out of my eye and dripped down onto my diary, smudging the ink. All of a sudden, a certain red-head burst through the door and sympathetically gazed over to me before gently bringing me into her arms and hugging me. This was the most safe I've ever felt. But how did she know I was in there..?

(Mia's pov)

I was scrolling through Tiktok on my phone until suddenly I felt a gut feeling kick in that something wrong was about to happen. Believingly, I followed my instincts and as I trailed throughout my school I heard subtle cry from the near distance. I followed the quiet weeps to find Char crying to herself while writing something down. Caringly, I pulled her into a warm gesture.
This was a big deal for me, as I don't hug, ever.
While stroking her back, my eyeline traced down onto her diary and read her unrealistic expectations for herself. My heart broke in two as I pulled her into a tighter hug and she began sobbing into my shoulders.

Her life purely just was brutal.