Shades of Redemption

11

I woke up to the soft morning light filtering through the curtains, my mind hazy from the events of the night before. Gavin was still fast asleep beside me, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. I slid out of bed quietly, careful not to wake him, and pulled on an old t-shirt before making my way to the kitchen.

I tried to focus on breakfast, but my thoughts were everywhere. The message. The unregistered number. The lingering tension from our argument. It all gnawed at me, twisting my insides with doubt and unease. As I poured the pancake batter into the pan, I couldn't stop the questions from flooding my mind. Who had sent that message? What had Gavin started with someone else?

I shook my head, trying to push those thoughts away. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I was overreacting. But deep down, the doubt wouldn't loosen its grip. I flipped the pancakes, but my hands were trembling.

Minutes passed, and I heard the familiar creak of the bedroom door opening. I didn't turn around, my eyes glued to the pan as I heard Gavin shuffling toward me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close as he buried his face in my neck. His embrace was warm, but it didn't feel comforting like it used to. There was something different. A distance I couldn't ignore.

"Morning," he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.

"Morning," I whispered back, my voice strained as I flipped the last pancake onto a plate.

He let go of me and moved to the table, pulling on his boxers as he sat down. I placed the plate of pancakes in front of him, along with a glass of milk. The silence between us was heavy, thick with the unspoken tension from the night before.

I sat down across from him, my fork barely touching my own food. Gavin seemed more focused on his breakfast, eating quickly, as though avoiding whatever conversation was waiting between us. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to know. The words bubbled up inside me, and before I could stop myself, I asked.

"Where were you last night?"

He froze for just a second, his fork hovering in mid-air, before he set it down. The tension in his body was unmistakable. I could see the subtle shift in his posture, the tightening of his jaw. He was bracing himself. His eyes flicked up to meet mine, and I could tell he was already searching for a way out.

"I was at the bar with the guys," he said casually, too casually. "Same as always."

I nodded slowly, my fingers tapping lightly on the table, but I didn't let it drop. "And the message? Someone texted you asking where you went, and if you were going to finish what you started."

His face tightened. There it was—the reaction I was dreading. Gavin put down his fork, his movements suddenly too deliberate. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, the air between us growing thick with tension.

"Sophie, what are you talking about?" His voice had that edge to it, the one he always used when he felt cornered. Defensive. "Why are you going through my phone?"

I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice steady. "I wasn't going through your phone. It kept buzzing, and I thought it might be important. I just saw the message preview."

Gavin's eyes darkened, and he shook his head slowly, as if disappointed. "This is ridiculous, Sophie. I was out with the guys. You know how it is—people send texts, random numbers... who knows? Why are you even bringing this up?"

"Because it doesn't make sense, Gavin!" I shot back, my voice rising despite myself. "That message wasn't from one of the guys. It was from someone who clearly expected you to finish something with them. I just—" I paused, my heart hammering in my chest. "I just want to know what's going on. I need to know."

His expression shifted, a coldness settling into his features that sent a shiver down my spine. "You're making this into something it's not," he said, his voice calm but dangerous. "I told you what happened. I was out with the guys. Why can't you just trust me?"

"Trust you?" I echoed, my voice shaking with frustration. "You're asking me to trust you, but you're not even giving me a straight answer! You know I found that message, and you're still trying to dodge it. Why are you lying to me?"

He slammed his fist down on the table, making the plates rattle. "I'm not lying, Sophie! God, why are you always like this? Always questioning me, always assuming the worst."

My breath caught in my throat. His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I stared at him, unable to believe what I was hearing. "Always like this?" I whispered, my voice breaking. "You're the one who's hiding things from me. You're the one who won't be honest."

He scoffed, standing up abruptly and running a hand through his hair, pacing the small kitchen like a caged animal. "Maybe I'm not the one with the problem here. Maybe you're the one who's always looking for something to be wrong. Maybe you're the one who's pushing me away with all these accusations."

I felt like I had been slapped. His words stung, each one cutting deeper than the last. "You can't just turn this around on me," I said, my voice trembling. "I've been there for you, Gavin. Every time you needed me, I've dropped everything. For you. But what about me? Have you ever stopped to think about what I need? About what I want?"

Gavin stopped pacing and turned to face me, his eyes blazing. "This isn't about you, Sophie. This is about us. I'm trying to make a future for us, but all you do is hold me back."

Hold him back. The words hit me like a sledgehammer. I couldn't breathe. My vision blurred as tears welled up in my eyes, but I fought to hold them back.

"Hold you back?" I repeated, my voice barely a whisper. "All I've ever done is support you. I've put my own life on hold for you. My studies, my friends... everything. And now you're telling me that I'm the problem?"

Gavin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as if I was exhausting him. "I didn't mean it like that," he muttered, but the damage was already done.

I stood there, staring at him, feeling like the ground had been ripped out from under me. Everything I thought we had, everything I thought we were building together—it all felt like it was crumbling.

"Do you even care about my future?" I asked, my voice small, broken. "Or is it just about yours?"

He didn't answer right away. He just stared at me, his eyes unreadable, as if he was weighing his next move. And in that moment, I realized something. I wasn't part of his future. Not really. I was just someone he expected to be there, to support him, to drop everything for him. But when it came to what I wanted, what I needed, it was always pushed aside.

"You're being dramatic," Gavin finally said, his voice cold. "I'm doing all of this for us. Can't you see that?"

"No," I said, my voice shaking. "You're doing it for you. And you don't care what it costs me."The silence that followed was deafening. Gavin's jaw clenched, and for a moment, I thought he might say something. Apologize, maybe. But he didn't. He just turned and walked toward the door.

I watched him go, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. I wanted to call after him, to beg him to stay, to tell him that we could figure it out. But I couldn't. I couldn't keep sacrificing myself for someone who didn't see me, who didn't value me.

The door slammed shut behind him, and the apartment felt unbearably quiet. I stood there, numb, my hands shaking as the tears finally spilled over. I had never felt so alone.

I sank to the floor, my knees giving way as the sobs wracked my body. All I could think was, how had we ended up here? How had the love I once believed in so fiercely become this?

I cried until I couldn't anymore, my chest heaving with the weight of it all. Gavin was gone, and for the first time, I wasn't sure if he would ever come back.