Shades of Redemption

40

I took a deep breath as I stared at the phone screen, fingers hesitating for a moment before finally typing out the message to our group chat on Instagram. It was only Katie, Emma, and me in there, and I knew this was something I had to share with them. "Gavin's awake. He has amnesia."

I stared at the message for a moment, feeling my heartbeat quicken as the reality of the situation sank in. I hit send, watching the words disappear into the chat. Then, I sent another message to Eleanor, letting her know that Gavin had woken up.

I glanced at Gavin, who was sitting up on his hospital bed, his eyes on me. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, his voice still hoarse.

I forced a smile, nodding. "Yeah, I'm fine."

But I wasn't fine. Nothing about this felt fine. Everything felt unreal. I was still processing everything—the accident, the amnesia, and now being here with him like nothing had ever happened. He looked at me with those familiar eyes, the same ones I used to get lost in for hours, and it felt like I was living in a dream. Or a nightmare. I couldn't tell anymore.

Gavin patted the spot on the bed beside him, wanting me to sit there with him. My heart pounded in my chest as I hesitated for a second. But then, I gave in, letting myself sit beside him, just like old times.

"Sophie, I'm so sorry," Gavin said, his voice barely a whisper.

I turned to look at him, my brow furrowing. "For what?"

"For driving the motorcycle drunk." He let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't remember how it happened or where I was going, but I know I must've been drunk. I'm sorry. I know it was reckless."

I shook my head quickly, trying to reassure him. "It's fine, Gavin. You don't need to worry about that now."

But then he said something that made my heart stop. "At least you weren't with me. If you were, and something had happened to you... I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself."

I swallowed hard, feeling my throat tighten. His words hit me like a wave, and I had to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill over. The way he said it, the concern in his voice, it almost broke me. How was he saying these things, when just a few days ago, he had been living his life completely without me for a year?

But he didn't remember that. He didn't remember the breakup, the betrayal, the pain.I forced myself to stay calm, to keep my voice steady. 

"You weren't with me because... I had some things to do," I said softly, not knowing what else to tell him.

Gavin looked confused for a moment, his eyebrows knitting together. "Did we fight? I mean, why wasn't I with you? It doesn't make sense for me to go out without you..."

My heart sank at his words. He had no idea. No idea that we'd been apart for so long, that our relationship was broken. He had no memory of the things that led us to where we are now—of him leaving me, of him choosing someone else.

I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to scream at him that he had already been living his life without me, that he had made his choices and now we were just... here. But I couldn't. Not now. Not when he was in this state. 

So instead, I just said, "Don't worry about that right now, okay?"

Gavin sighed, looking down at the bed. "Okay." His voice was quiet, almost defeated. Then he looked up at me again, his eyes softening. "I'm really tired. Can I lay down?"

I nodded and stood up, helping him adjust himself back into a comfortable position. The nurse had told me earlier that he would still need a lot of rest to recover fully. But before I could sit back down in the chair, Gavin reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Will you stay with me? Lie down beside me?"

My heart skipped a beat. How long had I waited for this? For the chance to be close to him again, to feel his warmth next to mine? But everything was different now. This wasn't the same Gavin. The Gavin lying in this hospital bed didn't remember the person I had become without him.

I hesitated for a second, then nodded. I carefully slid into the bed next to him, feeling the mattress dip under my weight. Gavin turned slightly, his body facing mine as he settled into a more comfortable position. The familiar scent of his cologne filled my senses—he always wore the same brand, and it felt like I was drowning in memories.

His arm wrapped around me instinctively, and I let him pull me closer. His chin rested on top of my head, and I could hear his breathing slow as he began to relax. I closed my eyes, trying to steady myself, trying not to fall apart.

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to scream and cry and ask him why he did this to me. Why he left me, why he broke my heart. But I couldn't. I had to remind myself that this wasn't the same Gavin. Not yet, at least. He didn't know.

As if reading my mind, Gavin started to play with my hair, his fingers gently running through the strands. He let out a soft hum, then began to sing quietly under his breath, the melody of "Moment of Truth" filling the room.

That was it. The dam I had been trying to hold back broke. Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them, couldn't hide them. The sound of his voice, singing that song, brought me back to all the times we had spent together, the moments that used to mean everything to me.

I missed him. I missed us.

But it wasn't the same anymore, and deep down, I knew it.

Gavin's fingers stilled in my hair as he turned his head slightly to look down at me. "Angel? Are you okay?"

The sound of him calling me by that name, that special name he used to reserve just for me, was too much. I couldn't speak. I couldn't lie anymore.

I nodded, biting my lip, trying to push back the sob that was rising in my throat. "I'm fine," I whispered, my voice trembling with the weight of everything I couldn't say.

He didn't press me further. Instead, he pulled me even closer, holding me like he used to, as if he never wanted to let me go. And for a moment, just a moment, I let myself believe it.But I knew better.

This wasn't the same. And no matter how much I wished it could be, it never would be again.