Sorrow | 18+

28 A Church Wedding

An early treat but a content warning about heavier themes

A song to listen to: Karma By Jolin Tsai

❀❀❀❀❀

Vivienne, 2 years ago

My hair was bleached blonder than normal. With the bathroom light, I looked sick and weird in the mirror. The yellow tiles didn't help at all. My eyebrows were plucked, I had delicate lash extensions on and my skin was still glowing red from yesterday's facial.

They were bambering me like I was a doll. I was their happy bride to be, following them from one appointment to another. I smiled when I had the dress fitting and withheld the urge to puke on it. Too many layers, too much lace, too big hem. It was a trap to keep me from running. Both families were watching over me. One sentence of "I do not wish to be married" and Bernard assigned babysitters for me, also the twins confiscated my phone.

I washed my hands before grazing the white bandage that covered the wound with my white fake nails. This appointment was the hardest to keep the smile on. A small stick was inserted into my arm. A contraceptive implant. The doctor hadn't even asked any questions from me. He simply acknowledged and shared words with aunt Louise. I kept my mouth shut until I felt the need to breathe for a moment in privacy.

I closed the door of the private bathroom quietly, concentrating on getting air into my lungs. I walked the small corridor back to the doctor's office. Hushed voices stilled me on my spot, keeping me hidden behind the corner.

"Julien is still young, of course he doesn't want kids, but Pierre is giving up too easily on his whims", the voice of my future mother-in-law was a bit frustrated. She and her husband had joined us, though they had stayed in the waiting lounge.

"Idiotical, I would even say. A child keeps her from running. How could they forget the struggles André had with Fleur until she finally got pregnant?" my aunt exclaimed in silence. She never had anything good to say about my maman and mostly I ignored her words, but on the last few days every time maman was mentioned I had to fight tears from pooling.

"I tried to warn Robert, but he isn't obviously listening and keeps insisting on this marriage", Pauline sighed and I could hear her fingers tapping on a desk.

I took steps backwards and reopened the bathroom door just to hit it close a bit louder this time. I rounded the corner and saw two platinum blondes with perfect curls staring at me with the fakest friendly smiles I had ever witnessed. Both had brown pencil skirts, just in different shades, and blouses with a good view of their cleavage. It was a certain style even Désirée was adopting slowly. A costume to fit the society of ours.

It was hard to believe my aunt was barely 40 years old. I tried to think if maman would look the same if she was still alive. She had only been one year older than Louise, but the warmth of my maman could never be covered by the plastic I saw now in front of me.

We left the doctor's without any useless conversation. Pierre simply nodded to me after he stopped speaking with the doctor and accompanied his wife to their car. I was hungry and tired, so it was better that nobody wanted to discuss details with me. Not that my opinion even mattered. A week left for a church wedding I had no say over.

~~~

The air was heavy and warm. My cupcake-like dress was tighter than necessary. I was choking. My whole body was shaking and I tried to fit into the love seat to not lose my standing but the hem gushed over. I wanted to rip open the buttons of the lace that was high up on my neck.