Sorrow | 18+

30 Shock

Zara

It was a rainy night in June when the doctors told us the baby was coming now. The shock in Viv's face created a new fracture in my heart. Her eyes were red as they had been for months, the puffiness was glued to her.

"It is too early", she whispered to me and I gave her reassuring words, hiding my restlessness away. She was right. We had estimated the birth to be in July, a whole month away. Her bump was tiny, which made me and the doctors worried about the baby's weight. Nevertheless Vivienne had eaten everything I had offered during the pregnancy. She had swallowed every prenatal pill and weird herbs I had found. She wanted a happy, healthy baby.

Vivienne herself was disconnected. A shadow with a cursed soul. She cried about everything everywhere. "Pregnancy hormones", the doctors dismissed my concerns. Her spark was missing. The memories, mistakes were consuming her.

I blamed the man. I always blamed a man. I prayed to Allah to make his life a hell, which maybe wasn't smart. My father would have had a heart attack if he knew. I was more muslim than him to be honest but still his conservative standards had him as the leader of faith. I was ready to skip paradise for her, so I prayed how I wanted.

In my own desperateness, she was the one who held her hand out for me. And I wasn't going to let it go. She didn't realise how scared and afraid I was under the nonchalant mask of mine. How she saved me the day we met. She was my sister by any other measurement than blood. So I promised to be there for her as I learnt she was alone as well.

Éléonore Blom was born at 6 in the morning, when the sun finally peaked over the clouds. She was 2500 grams and a beauty like her mother. She screamed her lungs out just like her favourite aunt. I was sweaty under my hijab and my hand shook as I touched the smallest hand of her.

I stayed for the days they kept monitoring the little baby. I held Vivi's hand as she tried to sleep from the stress until we got home. We learned together. How to change diapers. How to calm her down. How to make her laugh. We called the doctors when she got sick. With every step I held her hand, but I could feel how her fingers reached for someone else. Her gaze was directed to a distance where she secretly wished he would appear. After the birth Vivienne started to hide when she cried.

She was alive as she babbled to Éléonore. Like a switch everything disappeared from her eyes when the baby was away. She disconnected herself again. She didn't sleep or eat or feel. Postpartum depression was a diagnosis the doctors finally gave me. She got medication, but declined therapy even if I insisted for weeks.

Step by step, we all grew up. Éléonore was a spitting image of her mother the more she grew up, except the pretty dark eyes and hair colour. The blue eyes of Vivienne got their spark back. And I learned more about raising a baby that I would have believed while graduating.

"Do you believe he will come for you some day?" I asked quietly when we sat on the edge of the sandbox where Éléonore was building her third castle with the toys. Her hair was on two ponytails and the small hazelnut hair clips were on her front hair.

"No, he better not", Vivienne's voice broke an inch while she curled her own hair in a ponytail. Her gaze had stopped looking for him at every moment, but sometimes I catched her off guard. "I paid Hamza to lose all traces of mine, so he would really have to try hard. And why would he even bother?"

Éléonore giggled, wanting the attention of her maman and our discussion ended. Then I never brought it up anymore. We buried the past on the sand, hoping it wouldn't emerge back.

It took several attempts and failures. Fights between us. Bad coping habits. Screams. And hugs. Still life found its way to stabilise. Until fate pulled the strings and knocked on the door. Yet another shock she had to endure. 

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A surprise Zara's pov, not sure if she will have more in the future chapters because if I had written in Vivienne's pov this would have turned how Bella was in the second Twilight book lol. 

I apologise that it is short chapter but have to chill a bit before we timeskip properly so see you next week!

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