Sorrow | 18+

33 A look

A song to listen to:

Poison girl by HIM

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Zero

I was nervous. An emotion I had not felt since teenage years. The way my fingers restlessly tapped the armrest annoyed me. Still, it was either that or I would have been tracing her features.

Vivienne was more beautiful if it was even possible. So many things I had forgotten, too many things had changed. Her hair was shorter but the brown colour was deeper. Her eyes shined so brightly that I was ready to become blind to keep staring at her. Her gaze was more strict.

My arm was still haunted by the touch of her body. Warm, soft, perfect. It was an instinct to round it around her and how much I hated how she reacted. I was the only one to blame.

Her voice was like a trap, a siren luring stupid men to fall for her. Her accent was filtering her words, English not anymore a shield she used every day. She cursed now. At me like she never had.

She scrunched her forehead, her eyes avoiding me. I wasn't surprised but still didn't realise she had this effect on me. In my mind I had convinced myself it was just a mindless obsession that had got out of hand when she was out of my sight. She couldn't have the same power in person. When Connie carried her inside, she took over everything even in her unconscious state.

I wanted to get out of the plane. Connie had moved to sit with them as I was just throwing a third whiskey down my aching throat. I only could get glimpses of the back of her head as she relaxed on the seat, her shoes on the floor.

And then there was the child. A carbon copy of her with darker hair. A daughter that had curled on Ceci's lap for a nap. She was too comfortable and the whispery voice of Celly speaking words that did not sound English alerted my mind. She knew, had known or something. A story hidden from me but I hadn't the energy to question it now.

My phone was lit up with a message, Remi finally getting back to me.

"I really think you should simply ask her", he had written in the first message. Another one arrived right after.

"That being said, I don't have any information about the child. She had hidden the traces well, it would take me days to find something concrete and I'm not bothering to spend my time on that", I could swear I was hearing his dismissing tone through the letters. So maybe he hadn't known in the first place. When he had tracked her down, I asked for no details. No information, no pictures. Nothing else than we knew she was safe, fine.

She had had a life. A proper life which made me relieved and jealous. What else could have I wished for? It was better to not hang on the past. Mistakes haunted me but she had left them to rot behind her in the road, to be forgotten. And now I had ripped her away, broken my promise of staying away.

A belt light dinged. The flight attendant who had stayed silently on the front part of the plane, came to check that we were strapping ourselves to the seats. Preparing us for the landing. Through the small window I saw how the weather had changed back to dark clouds and thick rain. Perfect welcoming for us.

I watched how delicately she picked up the miniature version of her, and Vivienne sat her on the seat next to her as the child rubbed her eyes after the nap. Éléonore. They had called her. Nervousness wasn't the only odd feeling rising on me, but there wasn't any good reason to be jealous.

The landing was smooth, stressless. They all followed Celly outside the plane, the kid hand in hand with her like she had arrived. Vivienne tucked the brown carrigan closer to her body which I tried my best to not glance at. Fucking hell. I was losing my mind. Every move she made my eyes followed, like there was a strand from her to me.