Sorrow | 18+

37 Drizzle

A song to listen to:

Rainy Season by Mamamoo

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Vivienne

A car ride with Zero was like a cold water bucket thrown over me. His scent was everywhere, impossible to escape. Too intoxicating, agitating. He was too close to me, my brain failing to function. I was a mess in his presence and I couldn't decide how to react anymore.

A drive back usually should have felt shorter as the road was familiar. However, I was almost absolutely sure it was taking us longer to reach the mansion than it had taken with Cel's reckless drive from there to Cris's home. It might have been all in my imagination but I did consider it being because of Zero choosing a longer route. And why he would do that, was an odd mystery. To torture me more with his overpowering demeanor?

Éléonore was fast asleep on the backseat and I wished I had chosen to sit there with her. With a habit, I simply followed Zero's tall, muscular back wrapped in the sinful leather jacket to the car, put Joie on her seat and strapped myself on the front seat. Not realising the mistake until he had already hit the gas and I was stuck, my arm too close to his as he handled the driving stick. My finger tabbed the side door, my eyes forced to only look in the distance outside after I had assured my baby was knocked out. The sun was going down rapidly and only the smooth classical music saved us from an awkward silence.

Still, the atmosphere stretched in the car. I waited for it to snap and break. I could sense how his attention was divided between me and the road ahead. His startled me even as I expected it. "Cel shouldn't have taken you there."

"Why?" I inquired before I could stop myself. The silent treatment I had chosen was thrown away immediately.

"Because aunt Mariam is blunt, no regard for personal boundaries", his voice was strict and his fingers squeezing the wheel, like he was as upset as I was over the words of his aunt. I wanted to be more, I wanted more for Joie. I loved my baby with all my heart, but there wasn't any choice. No consideration if I wanted to have children. A birth was obligatory, I only chose to not give her up to unknown people. Zero was the oldest one so it wasn't a shock his relatives expected him to settle down, give heirs to their family's success. I wanted to escape ties that chained me to family legacies.

A slight fear had laid its roots to my heart. Éléonore was his first-born, did they know it or not. She was a piece to use in the game as I had been in my youth. It wasn't likely, the reasonable side of my brain argued, that the cousins would fight each other for power. They were close, respected each other unlike my father. They were a tight family. My father had assassinated half of his relatives, especially his male cousins who were a real threat to him. He should have killed uncle Bernard too if he had been smarter. My uncle and I were the only ones left to inherit after my father died from the heart attack he suffered. I did wonder what his game plan was for the future of Auclairs without him. Maybe he would have married me off to a suitable candidate as well and hoped I got a baby boy to groom as his heir.

"Do you really see us as engaged?" My quiet question lingered and merged with the music. I had turned my head and looked at his unreadable expression. His dark eyes switched to my hand resting on my lap against the black pants. A slight hint of regret, sadness or something flashed in his gaze. Or I was imagining it.

"Are you wearing my ring?"

"No", I shaked my head, still keeping my eyes on his face, the neutral mask of his not showing any other cracks. I did though knew where the ring was at the moment, the exact location too close to him.