secrets i've kept hidden (a poetry story)

the hook up with the ugly boy

i'm a 23 year old virgin,

and i am very
open and honest
about it

i don't see shame in being myself
and doing what i want with my body

my old best friend used to bitch at me because i didn't have experience

but last summer,

i had my first experience

but
it was with somebody

i regret letting see and touch my body

i stayed home from work that day,
because i didn't feel like going in

he,

yes him,

he was in montreal doing a dj session,
cause he was a part time dj

and he just came back and he wanted to take me ok a date

he has been on my ass for months about me going out with him

so i said yes,
i felt bad

but another thought of me was like,
"just give hin a chance"

so i did,
i knew from 5 minutes in his car,
i was not attracted to him

and i wanted thus night to end

we parked at my old high school

and he wanted to go for a walk,
so we did

we helds and told me i was a primcess
and
i deserved to be treated like a princess

i just wish it were somebody else saying that to me

we get back to his car and it was almost 9

i wanted to go home so bad,
i had work the next morning

so we parked sonewhere else,
cause i didn't want him to know where i lived

he told me,
"if you feel uncomfortable with me touching you then tell me, i don't wanna make you feel like that"

so i lied,
and i said
"it's fine, i think i should just go home"

and he was like

"wait"

so i looked back at him and i said

"yes?"

"i wanna kiss"

i so very against it that i said no 2 times and he said please over and over

so i felt bad and i said
"ok, just 1"

so we kissed,
and it was the worst kiss i've ever had

he starts touching me,
and i told him it felt nice

which was a very bad idea,

i gave head for the first time,
and to be honest

i didn't know what i was doing

he was moaning so i just kept going with it

i wemt home

and

he wouldn't leave me alone

so i ghosted him,
and he kept texting and texting

a couple of days later
he removed me

and i was happy,

but i went into work,
with his friends staring at me

winking at me

i knew,

i felt so embarrassed,
i didn't even go for my lunch that day

months go by and he told me,

"it was good, that's why i told them"

something like that starts private but you have a 15 year old brain so i didn't expect much from you

i shrugged it off

a year later,
he left that job

and i couldn't be happier to never see this cunts face again