From Rags to Riches

Confessions and revelations

Jordan:

I can't stop staring at Rebecca. She's radiant. Her blonde highlights give her skin a more healthy glow and her new haircut just makes her look more confident. The three of us are sitting at the table eating a dinner Cara prepared for us listening to Sienna babble on about her 'new best friend'. I can't help but smile as she tells us about all the things they done. I never thought I was capable of love; being loved, loving someone else. But within the four months of Rebecca and Sienna living with me; it's safe to say that I love Sienna as if she were my own, and I know that I'm falling in love with Rebecca too. She makes my day better, makes me look forward to coming home and having weekends where work doesn't come first. It's hard to adjust to not thinking about work, but I'm getting there.

"Daddy?" Sienna's voice brings me out of my thoughts and I catch the little smile that touches Rebecca's lips.
"Yes princess?" I ask her.
"Can you give me a bath please?" My eyes widen as she asks me this. I've never given a child a bath before. I was six when Hope was adopted, and I had detached myself from my family at this point, I never helped my mother bathe her like Dominic did. I look at Rebecca and she looks at me as if she's looking into my past and understanding exactly what I'm thinking.
"You don't have to, and I can help if you need me" she reassures me and I smile.
"If you don't mind?" I ask slightly embarrassed. I never get embarrassed; yet another emotion Rebecca makes me feel.
"Of course. Come on then peanut let's have a bath" Rebecca picks the dishes up and puts them in the sink with the intention of cleaning them, but she knows that Cara will have them done by the time she comes back; much to her annoyance.

Rebecca starts running the bath while I undress Sienna. She's still too skinny for my liking, but Dr. Greene says she's healthy so I guess I have to push my worries aside. I blow on her stomach and she laughs at the sound it makes. I do it repeatedly, loving the sound of her laughter until she starts going red in the face.
"Stop it daddy" she squeals out amongst her giggles and I chuckle with her before planting a kiss on her head.
"Bath's ready" Rebecca announces and I lower Sienna into the bath.
"How can you tell?" I ask and Rebecca lowers my hand into the water.
"Make sure it's luke warm. She will tell you if it's too hot or cold, but I would go a little bit colder if you're not sure; that way you can warm it up as opposed to burning her" she explains and I nod. She lines up different bottles and hands me a wet cloth.
"Rub this into her skin" she explains as she points to the bottles.
"And then rub this into her hair before using the jug to wash it out. Have her tilt her head back and put the wet cloth over her eyes in case you get water in them" she laughs at my shocked expression and stands up.
"Have fun daddy" she winks before she walks out.

I grab a couple of Sienna's bath toys and play with her. This is probably the most fun I've had in a long time. I laugh at her wild imagination as she makes up an entire family tree of her ducks and we even get into a little water fight with her animal toys that squirt water out their mouths.
"Daddy"
"Yes honey?"
"Did my other daddy not love me?" What on earth do I say to that?! To be honest, Rebecca hasn't told me much about her ex, not that it ever interested me before.
"Sometimes people don't realise the treasures they have. Your daddy wasn't ready for you, and instead of staying he went somewhere else. But that means I get to enjoy his treasure instead" I explain and smile as I reach over to tickle her stomach. She laughs and swats my hand away.
Then it comes to the part I'm dreading; washing her hair.
"Peanut can you stand up for me please?" I help her stand up and then start to wash the body wash over her body. She giggles when I hit her ticklish parts before she sits back down. I start rubbing the shampoo into her little scalp and start to fill the jug up.
"Tilt your head back and put this over your eyes ok?" I tell her and she pouts.
"No"
"Come on Sienna it will be over before you know it" I try to reason with her. I've never been told no before, yet here I am bargaining with a four year old.
"Promise not to get bubbles in my eyes?"
"I will try my best sweetheart" I tell her and kiss her head. She tilts her head back and I place the wash cloth over her eyes before I start to wash the soap out.

Ten minutes later and I have a very clean, very happy little girl who is in her favourite pink butterfly pyjamas. I brush and dry her hair before tucking her into bed and reading her a story. She's out like a light and I haven't finished reading Rapunzel before I hear her soft snores. I turn her nightlight on and make my way to my bedroom where I see Rebecca sitting on the bed with a huge grin on her face.
"What?" I ask her as I take my shirt and pants off before lying next to her.
"You're so good with her" she tells me and I grin.
"Really? I sometimes feel like a fish out of water" I admit and she shakes her head as she rests her head on my chest.
"No, you're doing amazing" I play with her hair and I feel her finger drawing patterns along my stomach.
"Becca, what happened to Sienna's father?" I ask her and her finger stills. She looks up at me and I see the sadness in her eyes.

"Conrad. We went to high school together. I always had this huge crush on him" she looks down again as she continues her story.
"We had classes together when we were sixteen and we started dating a couple months later" she lets out a deep breath and kisses my chest.
"Its ok, you don't have to" I tell her.
"No it's ok. We were the power couple in high school, the couple that were set to get married. He got a scholarship to play baseball and I got into WSU. We spoke about making it work, but then a couple of months before graduation I fell pregnant. I told him and automatically he decided that we was going to play baseball and that long distance wouldn't work. It broke my heart" she finishes her story and I notice that her hand is in a fist on my chest. I kiss her head and she looks up at me.
"I shouldn't be sad. I'm over him and I'm so happy with you. It just sucks you know? Finding out the people you trust the most are willing to just drop you when things get tough" I lean down and give her a soft kiss to reassure her that I won't let that happen.
"You won't have to feel that again. Like I said, I will try my hardest to make you the happiest girl in the world" the tears fill her eyes and I kiss her eyelids to will them away.

She opens her eyes and looks deep into mine.
"Tell me more about your childhood" she says and I freeze. Her backstory is one thing; mine is another.
"I know what you're thinking. I won't run" she continues and I frown. Is she some sort of mind reader? She reaches up and cups my cheek with her hand.
"It's ok, take your time, I'm here" her touch gives me the courage to go in depth.
"I don't have many good memories before Colleen and Jack took me in. My mum would be either asleep or with her pimp. She never paid me any attention. If I ever got in the way I would get burned. It hurt" I choke on my words but Rebecca just strokes my cheek to encourage me.
"One day she was on the sofa and she wouldn't move. I would shake her and she wouldn't. Wake. Up" I said through my teeth.
"I ate frozen peas for four days before anyone came. There was nothing else to eat. That's why I hate it when food goes to waste, that's why I always worry about Sienna's weight; about your weight" I look down and I see the tears in her eyes.

"Hey why are you crying?" I wipe the stray tears from her cheeks and she sobs even more. She wraps herself around my body and I pull her in tighter.
"It's just so sad. How can you not love your child?" She asks to no one and I rub her back to soothe her.
"It's ok" I say and her eyes shoot to mine with a blaze of anger.
"Don't you dare say that! Don't you dare think that is ever ok Jordan!" She spits out and my eyes widen. I've always accepted that I wasn't worthy of my mothers love, and that's the way it was. But now, I see another side of it. I hate seeing her like this.
"It all changed when Colleen and Jack took me in. They made me feel normal again" this got a smile out of her, but then she frowned again.
"Changing the subject... Why don't you do the girlfriend thing?" She asks.
"As I said before, I felt like I couldn't give a girl what she deserved"
"But then how did you... You know, get your kicks?" She asks and I can't help but laugh at how she words it.
"I had a few women who I just used for sex. No strings and all that"
"How many?" Oh boy.
"Fifteen" I admit and she sighs.
"That's a lot of women"
"But I never felt the connection I feel with you. It's so much deeper with you. I feel it, here" I take her hand and place it on my chest; over my heart. She kisses a trail from my chest up my neck to my lips. This is what I want, forever.